How do I make her happy?

[Anonymous]

Ok so when my girlfriend is with me in the car she gets anxious about me driving we both have had our license only a few months. But anyways we both own the car and I said seeing though I make her anxious that I would give up driving and drive the car very minimal if at all. This has bothered her she starts to get upset like why are you giving up driving, I respond because it makes you anxious also because it’s not that big of a loss to me because I can easily adapt without a car. She goes that’s not fair to you and you should adapt you know I’m a anxious person

[DaveJord]

Happiness in a state of mind, she's got to want to be happy and allow herself to be happy in life and with you. It not a matter of you making her happy, she has to want it. There is no way for you alone to make her happy.

I married an anxious person once upon a time, and in my youth, I thought it was just something she would get over on her own eventually. No matter how hard I tried it just went from one thing to another... because life is like that.

Today it's about a car, tomorrow it will be about what she wants to wear, some text you sent, eventually marriage, the kids, the house or rent. One thing after another and another, and the whole time she is never seems really happy... and every step of the way you give up things, just little things one step at a time and eventually you look back and realize how much you have lost over time and how little she appreciates that fact.

She will claim she never asked you to give up anything, like driving... you did that on your own she never asked you to... but you did it for her right?

So, you are overcompensating... instead of making her feel uncomfortable you are willing to just let her drive because it easier for you to endure the ass pain then put her through it. When in reality you're driving is not the issue, her anxiety is the issue, and she is justifying that anxiety by saying it's just the way I am so get over it... and you are really saying that I accept that about you, and "I" want to make you happy.

Overcompensating, if that is just how she is only she can make herself happy and you're just making it easier for her to be the way she is and you enabling her capacity to project her anxiety on you. And the easier you make it or more accepting of her ability to do that the more and more and more it will happen.

She doesn't want you to stop driving, she wants you to accept her level of anxiety... and in that process condition you to accept higher and higher levels in slightly greater quantities over time, in small little increments just a little smidgen at a time. Almost unnoticeable amounts of increase anxiety at a time. And no one thing by itself seems like a big deal until one day you get worn out and feed up with it, and step back and take in the entirety of what all the little things add up to. Because the level of anxiety she is projecting on you will increase and increase and increase... making "you" more and more anxious about everything and not know what to do about... and then asking yourself what's wrong with you because you never used to be this way. It's not you brother, it's her. All these things are her issues not yours; she is just projecting them on you... and she will deny it until the ends of days because that is just how she is and you have accepted that for such a long period of time, enabling her every step of the way without knowing it.

I know this triggered something for me and it seems like I am spouting off, and you are like chill dude... but I am telling you this is not about who is driving... and one day you will realize what I am saying when you reach the breaking point with this women... so remember when that when the day comes, that there this random guy on GAG that went off... because this is exactly what he was talking about and you just figured it all out too late.

[Izzy_3991]

Perhaps some soft and calm music and some fresh air would help?
Also, have you spoken to her about what makes her so anxious? Like do you drive a bit too fast? Or don't you have both hands on the wheel?
I think communication is definitely key here.


All the best x🥰