What do you do when your feeling helpless?

Question

Feeling pretty sad and unwanted at the moment. I’m also scared, I feel like I’ll never find love, or even a person that really likes me.

My life feels so boring and monotonous, and there are no opportunities that come my way. I never go out and meet people and make friends, and believe me I’ve tried. I used to have one best friend, but she ditched me after she started dating her boyfriend, because I wasn’t ‘fun to be around’ as I don’t do drugs and party all the time.

It’s hard to go out to try and make friends and meet new people when your alone. I’ve found that no one approaches someone when they are alone.
It all feels so fucking impossible.

Even the people at my work are nice, and we get along well, but I can’t see any friendships being formed.

I feel so alone, I just wanna find someone. I wanna find my person, whether it be in a friend, or a partner. I’m sick of just talking to my mum.

Sorry for the rant, just wanna know what other people do when they feel like this. 😔

xJeremyx · Accepted Answer

I'll be your friend.

Ok. You probably think I am being thirsty. But no. What you can do is actively build relationships. It is hard, yes, but you will have more friends when you actually step out of your comfort circle to go talk with them, understand them, be around them, get to know them.

It can be nerve wracking to start conversations, yes, but its something we all have to learn. You can start doing this at work, actually. Go grab lunch with your colleagues, organize a getaway with them, or bring special treats for everyone once in awhile. Acts of service are a great way to get people to warm up to you (do not overdo it, it will make you look desperate if you do).

Observe the people around you. Begin to understand their interests and make it a point to bring it up during conversation, eg. " I noticed earlier you were talking to someone about bowling, is it something you do regularly? What makes you enjoy it?", and let the conversation progress from there.

Show genuineness. If your coworker looks upset, bring them a drink and ask check in on them. If they got a promotion, congratulate them with a small gift or card. There are many small ways to express genuineness, which will tell the people around you that you are someone who is worth being friends with.

Maintain an approachable front, so that you do not seem stand-offish to the people you work with. Often, the people who have the most success making friends are the ones who are approachable, warm and welcoming.

Set firm boundaries. These are not just for your own safety and comfort, but it tells the people around you that you respect YOURSELF. Nobody wants to hang out with people lacking self-respect.

Take care of yourself. How could you possibly have energy and resources to invest in relationships with other people, if your own needs are not met? Take a breather. Care for yourself, your mind, your body. When you are stable, you become an even better person to be friends with, because you will not drain them as much.

As for looking for a boyfriend, take it slow. Sometimes we need to wait. Rushing in due to desperation is one of the worst things you can do.

Take a step back and reconsider, are you actually ready for a relationship? Why do you think you are/are not ready? What can you improve about yourself that makes you a better partner?

Good things are worth the wait, my friend. Patience is key. And here is something you can do when you feel down. Look around yourself. Every time you feel sad, think about something or someone you can be thankful for in your life. Remind yourself that not all is bad and not all is sad. You got your mom, you got a roof over your head, you got a bed to sleep on, you got food on the table, you got an education, you got a job so you can support yourself. You got a good working environment with friendly colleagues. there's always things to be thankful for, and when you recall these things, it may make you feel better.

Remember, friendships are not easy to maintain; they require effort to begin in the first place. Put in the effort, and reap the fruit. But at the same time, be discerning about the people you wanr to be friends with. Choose people who will help you to become a better person by constructively highlighting your flaws for you to work on, people who celebrate your successes with you, people who appreciate you for putting in effort, and people whose lives can be brightened up with your presence.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

This is a problem that requires you to take the initiative - you aren't likely to stumble into a friendship when you normally stay at home alone.

Here's what you do: make a list of your interests. Do you like to cook? Ride a bike? Watch/talk about movies? Talk about clothes? Bowl? Dance? Play Frisbee? Walk your dog? (There are dozens or hundreds of possibilities - you'll have to adjust this for your own area and interests.) Once you have a list -preferably at least 10, but an absolute minimum of 6 - then cross off any that are "solo" pursuits and then rank any that are left.

Once you have your ranked list, start looking around your local area for places to get involved in your activity. Find a cooking class or bowling alley or bike path or dance class or whatever. Ideally, you should get involved with the top 2 activities on your list, and you should do something with each activity at least once a week.

This gives you a reason to get out of the house and socialize, and meet new circles of people who already share at least one interest with you - PLUS it's something you'll enjoy doing while you get to know people, so even if it takes a little while to find and integrate with a new friend group, you'll have something fun to do.

You'll usually meet at least one person you "click" with, and will join their friend circle. Over time, you'll probably be invited to other activities with your new friend, and you'll meet more of their friends, and can further expand your friend circles that way - and you'll be pre-vetted and will probably have things in common with many of those people.

If you find that one of your activities is a "dry hole" - you just aren't making any friends - then either try to find a different group of people doing the same activity somewhere else (a different park, a different class, a different pool hall or bowling alley or gym), or move to the next activity on your ranked list.

As I said, this is going to take some initiative and effort on your part, but this is how meeting friends has always worked, especially as an adult. You get spoiled in school because it's a concentrated group of people your age who tend to all have a lot of free time - but that's not how adult life works, and so you have to adjust to life outside the bubble of school, and this is in my opinion the best way to tackle the problem of making friends. This works just as well for finding quality boyfriends, by the way.

Mish_a · Accepted Answer

Honestly. It was me not a year ago. I was feeling the exact same. And i did pushed the people away whenever I saw them coming close to me, i thought i won't cause any good to them I will only cause them trouble and be burden on them. So i pushed them away. I didn't want to go to a counselor either.

But for me i tried to write. Write things, my feelings or whatever strikes to my mind and read it after again and again. Until I figured it out what's wrong what exactly I want. And that thing helped me a lot. And sometimes I still write it makes me feel that I'm still the girl i was before a year ago.

But it will be good if you don't do what I did. Don't push people away who wants to be with you.

If you ever need me. I'll be their. Who knows we might become a good friends.

Stay strong.

dustybiker · Accepted Answer

You’ve made a conscious effort to realize this. Now make a list of things you’ve wanted to try in the past.
Art? A certain type of exercise class? Anything new that might have sparked interest in the past but you put off. Right now would be the perfect time to sign up. You won’t want to but make yourself. You need to break consistency you are stuck in. Reach out locally to see if there is anyone to talk to too. Even if you try either of these only once. See if it makes you feel better.
GaG isn’t always the healthiest place when feeling down. Remind yourself negative comments are just someone else's bad day.

Guy13 · Answer

Contact a counselor that can help you think through your situation. You are basically a computer that keeps spinning 😵‍💫 while trying to open website. Restart with Pastor or Counselor or whatever professional source you use.

Gent207-2 · Answer

You are not truly alone as you can see.

My advice is to cease your free time to develop your interests, hobbies and knowledge. Start listening to motivational podcasts to gain some traction for the day ahead.

Lastly you can't find Mr. Right unless you're working on becoming Mrs. Right. While you are working on developing yourself as a person, reaching your goals and dreams you'll find yourself in a crowd of people heading in that same direction. Who knows among them may be friends and Mr. Right.

nolabels · Answer

The fact that you've posted anonymously tells me something of the depth of your pain.

My first recommendation would be to post on G@G under your username.

I'd never know who are if you were to post again, either with another question or a reply to someone else. I'd never know if I'd like to be your friend.

I have made friends here, but I had to know who they are for that to be possible.

Open up a bit more here and maybe you'll discover ways to make friends here and off-line as well.

I wish you the best.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Maybe you were looking for " your friend " in all the wrong places. When I was in the dating scene I'd talk to just about everyone, actually I still do that. I like talking to new people. I used to approach women who were by themselves first.
You said you never go out. You're not going to meet anyone by talking with your mum.
You have to get out there and mingle until you drop. Lol.

If you just need someone to talk to besides your mum ill be here for you.

SoWhAt249 · Answer

Story of my life, pretty much. I've been feeling the same way for a long time now. But I've just accepted who I am, and I don't force myself. But if it makes you feel better we can talk about it. We'll run out of topics pretty soon hahah, but if you want, add me. We are the lonely nation, but at least we have each other's backs.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

@nolabels is right, if you want friends you can relate to, you can't stay invisible, you need to be as open as possible so you attract similar people.

Post this with a username, or message people in DMs, and be descriptive about what you do for fun and what kind of person you are, if nothing else, its good practice.

HelpingMcHelpington · Answer

I was literally in your shoes these last 2 years. I went the wrong way and turned to downing whiskey like it was water. Not to mention the thoughts and attempts at suicide. But I held on long enough to finally meet a woman at work. Which is crazy. It's just a friends with benefits thing. But really helped with the way I was feeling. Super cliche to say, but you really just need to hold on and keep trying. Thank God I did.

Twalli · Answer

There needs to be a group that you can join. That's why I no longer feel like you do. I got a minor social life and girlfriend from joining a specific social group. I wouldn't have found her any other way.
If you are on the Autism Spectrum or have another developmental disorder (ADD, ADHD, etc.) there are groups that can help. I can give specifics of my experiences in DM if you want me to. Knowing you aren't alone, is not the same as knowing some of the people that don't make you alone.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

When I feel like that I take myself on a date. Hot shower, dress nice, go somewhere and enjoy a good meal. Get myself a present and think about something I could do myself and look forward to.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I'm sorry you're feeling alone. If I may make a suggestion: You can try posting more on this site. You will probably find some friends. If not, at least there are people to interact with.

Agape93 · Answer

I fight back. Helplessness for me is cured through aggression. But if you mean hopeless, that's a vastly different response

Account · Answer

I distract myself and postpone my thoughts/feelings for later on.  I keep doing that indefinitely. It works, but I am perfectly aware that it is not a solution.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m like you but older , only have my stepdad around after coming home from work, I do have friends at work but I’still don’t have a woman in my life and lonely at times but I try to be active and keep busy so I don’t think about it. Not sure if you’re working but you’re a young woman and should just trying to go out to places like a park or bookstore

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I've been there... it too has passed. I think I'm at the point where I want to get back into the shoes you're at and enjoy my me time.

art84 · Answer

I can relate as it's hard to make friends when alone. But I would say you could make small talk and fnd a hobby and you can people who share a similar interests. The right people will come around it just takes putting yourself out there.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

When feeling helpless I seek help. Whether it is here, friends, family or a therapist. I will make it happen.

TheFlak38 · Answer

Just another attention whore fishing for attention, virtue signalling about how hard life is even though the entire system is catering to her vagina. Nothing new to see here.

sheenagwapa · Answer

i talk to God and ask his help that he will release me from the situation

Anonymous · Answer

Nobody Has Friends Just People That benefit out of hanging out with you.  Friends don’t Lie to Each other  And I find that People just Can’t Help Themselves.

Brando10222 · Answer

You need to find yourself first. Focus on yourself and not on find someone else

What do you do when your feeling helpless?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

What do you do when your feeling helpless?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.