Have you ever been in an " I can fix him / her " relationship?

[Rockstarrrrr]

Does it ever live up to the expectations? Is it true that even if it does they always leave for someone else afterwards?

[DermalPunch]

This is a tricky one. You cannot "fix" a person as it were.

However, I do notice that a person who is needs fixing comes to point where they want to change. They know something is wrong. The know that the way they do things will not get them the results they crave.

Then someone comes along who exposes them to a way of thinking, doing and being that they never encountered before.

Even very disordered or people with a lot of unaddressed trauma have a need to be healthy. Someone comes into their life and there is a connection.

They find a soul that has the key to their soul and vice versa.

So if a "sick" person wants the medicine they will change. People DO change. But I think that instead of focusing on change we need to focus on evolving.

I am an optimizer and have selected poorly at times who I should expend those energies on. Thankfully, my paranoia has saved me from getting too screwed over. 😆

This is a question women mostly ask because men don't seek to change women much. They don't really need to since, whether the feminists like it nor not, men have a degree of dominance over us. There is a natural vulnerability we are subject to with them.

So for those women who want that so-called bad boy (really he's a man child), you need to play the long game if you KNOW he is simply in a phase of life. This often means not being with him.

If you want to "change" or fix someone, you need to know where you stand. Stand there and let that person meet you there. Make yourself and your evolving your focus and if it's meant to be they will submit to that and join you. But you have to be patient.

[TheCleverOne]

The truth is that you can't fix a person. You shouldn't even try to, if that person wants to be with you he or she will change automatically, without you having to ask them to change, and imntelling you from experience that if you try to fix the person that's next to you, you're never actually going to be satisfied, I feel like even if you change that person, you'll feel like they're forced to change and you won't feel good

[Motheman]

Bit of a black and white fairy-tale perspective

[TheCleverOne]

What do you mean?

[DermalPunch]

No, they will not change automatically. This is not realistic. They will start to change. They will slip back into old habits to see if they can get away with it. You don't let them. They will make mistakes and so will you. You will have to communicate l, forgive and even separate. Change does not happen overnight.

[TheCleverOne]

I never said it happens over night, what I'm saying is that there's no point in trying to change someone. If a man wants and loves a woman, then he's going to do the things he has to do in order to be with her. I'm using the example of man and woman because often times girls have this impression that can fix the guy. Which is not okay because the girl ends up suffering. And yes I do agree that everyone makes mistakes

[DermalPunch]

You said automatically. That is even more instant than overnight. It's true a man will change or stop doing the ha It's that annoying her. He will still be himself and capable of those things or get very good at hiding it. But even a sincere man with he best intentions will have to do it gradually. Change is gradual. It has to be.

[TheCleverOne]

Well I'm sorry, English is not my first language so I guess I do have some errors, but what I meant by automatically is not that he will change overnight. What I meant was that the woman wouldn't have to ask him to change, that he will do it by himself

[DermalPunch]

Absolutely the woman has to ask him to change. How will he know what je has to change? This is where we women get it. wrong. Men are not mind readers. If he refuses, can't or won't she moves on. Expecting him to change without communicating what is problematic is unreasonable. And here's a kicker: you may have to tell him more than once. Then you may have to leave him and fund someone who's already bin the shape you want. That has a funny way of changing things.

[Guy13]

People do not change in relationship and in fact people get comfortable and fixed no matter the effect they are having. One nagging a spouse will do nothing. People have to experience or feel the pain from their behaviors before we really attempt to change. At some point, enough is enough.

He or she is who they are and we never have any intention of changing as we think there is nothing wrong with ourselves... life is good etc. The bottom line that two people in this dynamic were not meant to be together in LTR...

[AdithyaR]

Wasn't a relationship butba friendship. Spent a lot of energy with this person hoping to help them through the issues they were going through. It ended with just me feeling drained.
I'd get blamed any small mishap cause they grew used to me fixing everything. Took me a long time to be able to stop.

[Applesausefish]

Personally , I am a helper not a fixer. my boyfriend is currently living in a homeless shelter and has a felony. He has gone through many struggles since then. He also has been diagnosed as a schizophrenic. When we go on dates I usually pay, but I tell him all the time that he has the power to change his life around.

people like my mother think that I get with people who are less fortunate than me to fix them. When really I come from a place of caring and know how it feels to do stuff on your own. Fixing someone is tiring, guiding someone is better

[TroyDT2]

Yes, on the receiving end. When it ended she said, "You're a five year plan and I do not have five years." I thought that was one of the most arrogant things anyone had ever said to me and would not have stayed with her after that no matter what.

[fembotnpc777]

Let me put it to you this way: I've never signed up for one.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Uh oh...

[fembotnpc777]

Bro, I'm out of there quick if I have to monitor someone. Like, smell you later. That sounds so boring.

[Rockstarrrrr]

I agree... Some people are worth it tho...

[fembotnpc777]

I'll never be lonely enough

[Rockstarrrrr]

Nicely put..

[Looksnicholas]

Nope and I would never want to be, I'd rather have an 'easy' relationship, like a relationship that just doesn't feel like a chore or a difficult personality clash etc etc on the daily

[NathanDavis]

nope... I try my best not set-up myself for failure from the get-go

[sheikalana]

Nah I don't do that sounds like a waste of time.

[CallmeTheKnight]

No. Anyone who has that sort of mindset is dumb and actually toxic

[bamesjond0069]

You can't fix a woman but you can lead a woman.

You can't fix or lead a man in any way... yet they always try. 🤣

[aaron210419]

Every single time and it's killing me

[NIGHTCAT12]

Not necessarily but mine did

[melanieeeB]

Nope