Can you actually fall in love with someone else without loving yourself first?

[MendaciousMarxist]

I usually hear that you have to love everything about yourself before you can love someone else, is it true? Many of the women I know think of themselves highly and their husbands also have a good outlook on things so I never sen a person with low self esteem fall in love.

[DaveJord]

I will be honest with you, when I was young (20) I really and truly did fall in love with someone with low self-esteem. In my naivety I thought that in some way my love for this person would be enough for them. I believe that their self-esteem issues where more due to their current life circumstances, then anything else.

What I failed to realize, as a highly confident, self-motivated, and assured person... was the deeps that these types of insecurities can take root within a person. And how much over time I became the main driver or enabler of a highly toxic and codependent relationship. Because for all my success and accomplishes it only drove her own deep-rooted sense of inadequacies... which created greater self-loathing within her. She became resentful of me, passive aggressive and toxic.

The truth is that nobody can make you happy, if you are not happy with yourself first. Nobody, no matter how much they love you, you will always feel undeserving of that love, if you do not value or love yourself first.

[EricJonesAB]

Yes. I just think it has the potential to be a one-sided relationship.

It isn't that you can't love others without loving yourself, it's that others will be less likely to love you back if there's nothing there to love. Why would we expect another person to want us if we don't even want ourselves.

I see this all the time on Gag. Some person will ask "Will I ever find love, I'm overweight, I'm unattractive, I never had a partner, I hate my life, so do you think I will ever find a partner?" They need to get their life together and be a person they can love before expecting someone else to love them.

[MendaciousMarxist]

That is definitely true, I've seen so many self hating people on here

[EricJonesAB]

Yeah, and that's what I think that saying really means about needing to love yourself before being in a relationship. People have flipped it to be some kind of self acceptance motto, but in reality I think it's more about the hard truth that we need to be seriously lovable before we can expect someone else to love us.

[DevikaButts95]

Oh most definitely yea. I would say that's even easier.

[Jennz6]

No, but I have had sex first

[Jennz6]

Thanks for the MHO

[caring__1]

Yes, it is possible for someone who doesn't feel self-love to fall in love with someone. The relationship will probably be challenging, though, as the value we get from a relationship is directly related to the value we bring to a relationship. Balance is important in a relationship. If you don't see value in yourself and constantly minimize or deny compliments your partner gives you, your partner will just end up giving you less and less over time, till the relationship fizzles out.

[NathanDavis]

this usually leads to codependency dynamics... which are not ideal

however, loving yourself or not loving yourself are both extremes on different ends, and there are many instances in between... in which you can love some things about yourself but not others, and this... to different amounts and under many different circumstances as well, and you can very well love others like that

these things are never simple... they're more complex and, at times, complicated... lol

[LazerBean]

You can, it will just be a low quality "love"

[Ms_Facesitter]

Yes but I don't think it'll do good.