Should you talk about the past with your so?

Question

I think knowing the past of your significant other is important. What they went through, who they used to be, if they have any traumas/disorders, etc. I think knowing these things are important if you want to have a deeper connection with them. Also, it can help with building trust.

I once saw someone on GAG mention that they wouldn't want to know about their partner's sexual past because it might damage the love they have for the other person, and it might turn into hate.

Personally I think sexual past matters. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who has had sexual relationships with several guys. But I can understand the point the OP of that answer was trying to posit.

Should you talk about the past with your so?

What's your opinion?

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

I'm very open with my past, but not all up front. I have to know him well enough to love, care about him and trust him.

I'm not going to just dump it all on him up front... but I do believe in sharing everything, both of us do... because if later on you get married and then something comes out of no where and surprises you. THAT is what damages the relationship.

If there is a deal breaker before then, best to get it out so you can both move on.

At some point after knowing him for awhile, at least a month sometimes two... I insist on a all day date, where we can talk a lot and be 100% open. Usually more private so no one can over hear us, this is where everything comes out. Sexual past, future hopes, desires, plans... everything, hold nothing back.

It is also a time that if there is something that could be a problem, we can walk away from it and try to stay friends knowing it wouldn't work out.

When I say everything, I mean everything... including fetishes, kinks, sexual fantasies, history, and future career goals, plans, where they hope to be in 5 or 10 years etc...

My last man told me he shared everything and I did share everything then he spilled some tough shit on me after we got married, stuff that I likely would not of married him had he told me up front.

Anemone978 · Accepted Answer

I personally like to know some ones past and about their partners. I feel if you can't be open about what kind of person you were or there are things you don't want to tell me it makes me feel you are holding on to someone or something else. Sure the things I hear might hurt me but I wouldn't hold it against someone. But also if choose not to want to be with you because of it that is fair.

JDAC092299 · Accepted Answer

I think this depends on how much past you have. If it’s a short one yes tell them everything. If it’s a long list that’s gonna come back to bite you possibly at some point just tell them bit by bit as you start to trust them. Tbh I think you should but it’s up to you weather you go all in or not. It’s your past and you have the right to choose how much your partner gets to know but if you wanna grow you’ll eventually have to tell them most things if not everything if for no other reason than to cover yourself so nothing can damage the relationship in the future.

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

Your Past, we know you have one. Do you want our Imagination to make it up or would you prefer to share and it be a little closer to accurate. Talk about moving a relationship into "Miss F-it or second choice" or not serious, trustful, and probably Mr. Insta Tik Tok" at warp speed... Go ahead, try to hide your Past... and your phone while one is at it !!!

AviatorTom · Answer

Talking about each of your pasts can be good, but it must be voluntary. Neither partner should try to force info from the other.

Apple1996 · Answer

If they want to share their past then sure but I don't think it's necessary

SphynxUK · Answer

I don’t think it’s necessary to know everything about a partner. I think in time, some things come up or are shared as and when. I certainly don’t expect someone to open up about everything unless it’s relevant or they want to share.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I used to be an open book. But now I realise that you need to give time for a connection to really develop before you get into your past or anything very private too much. It can also has the added benefit of keeping things more interesting.

Thessalian · Answer

It. seems bad form to ever involve her in the past if it contained another womans affection.. She can. be right to. deduce that you have not forgotten a past love. Telling her can be read as comparing the love of the present with over and done years ago.. if you truly love a present lady this should not be indulged really.

DoctorSex · Answer

Yes it's definitely necessary for me to know her past so I have an idea on whether to continue with her or cut ties. Kind regards, DoctorSex

LazerBean · Answer

If you are actively looking for a permanent partner, then definitely. Otherwise I doubt it's going to matter very much

petitedollbabee · Answer

I think you should. Naturally your partner will be curious about you and your life story, and what events took place to shape you in to the person you are today. If you’re hiding your past from a partner then I find that suspicious.

TrishaMorgan · Answer

If a person likes / loves you less because of something in your past then it's best to get it out of the way sooner than later. If they can't accept who you are now because of the past, they don't deserve your future.

U4ea0 · Answer

Women will generally lie about this. Fortunately, there are many ways of determining this without asking.

Sailormoon95 · Answer

Yes. I learned more about my current soon to be might be boyfriends past boyfriend including his sex life and its gotten us closer and started healing us as we've gotten to know each other more.

Anonymous · Answer

I would want to know. I don't need every detail but past events colour your current behaviour. But only share with someone that deserves to know and is a long term bet.

DiegoO · Answer

Only if it directly affects the present. For example, if you have a STI, your partner should know about it.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

It's absolutely 100% necessary. If they lie, try to avoid sharing or you just don't like what they say... run run run.

ARWildBBW4U · Answer

If you've honestly got your soulmate or one who truly cares then hearing about your Past doesn't and won't matter !! Always be sure to dick your woman down better than he ever could 💯👄

exitseven · Answer

I try not to talk about the really bad stuff. I don't want her to know how damaged I am

Nikki1989 · Answer

Very rarely. The past should stay in the past.

whorable · Answer

if they weren’t there or didn’t know me at that time they won’t hear about it. especially my trauma.

Charlesbrandonf · Answer

It matters? I mean do you live in the past or present. What happened yesterday is done. What options we have in our hand right now to the future matters

Texasgal95 · Answer

If you trielt love them you will be open and honest with them

Agape93 · Answer

You can but they're not entitled to what you don't want to share.

AmeerX · Answer

The less I know the better. Ignorance is a bliss

JosyJosy · Answer

Only if you're comfortable. Just don't lie.

KathrynTaylor · Answer

Only if you want to.

misogynistic_pig · Answer

No him en no party.

Sabretooth · Answer

This is why choices matter.

ZenJen444 · Answer

For what?

denver01 · Answer

No bro

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