Did you ever have to lose someone to realize that you loved them?

[AngelOfLight258]

The most extreme form of "you don't know what you've got, 'til it's gone".

[scooogy]

I've first feared so when I overheard her saying something like "I can't make him ask me out on a date", about two weeks before her declaring to me that she had a boyfriend. I don't know if she got my question right (I was shocked and thus upset in response) but she said something like she knew him for 5 months already while my question was how long they've been together for already. And then six weeks after that she broke up with him.

Either that dating phase went on for short 2 weeks followed by 4 weeks of actual relationship, or whoever she planned on dating would have been betrayal material. I wouldn't wanna assume her to have aimed for me here (though she smiled and agreed when seconds after her declaration I did ask her if we could meet up some day, which she understood as dating). Anyways for the 3 years of knowing her already by then, I took my time to first finish college to then hopefully find a job and thus be able to offer something or even support her (she said she wanted to have kids some day).

I can tell that she's not as happy with her "boyfriend" as others would be in their relationships, because she told me that she wouldn't wanna move in with him, and I've seen her with him now and then, looking sadder each time.

I've met women telling me of their friends with benefits, but said situation makes me rather move on to another woman, even though she and I know that this was my fault. She said "you better find a job", and the one now is not in my major from college.

I'd have to be the one approaching her (finally after now almost 5 years of letting her wait) but what recently keeps me from even seeing her is that almost any talk with her involves that douchebag of "boyfriend". I'm not made for pursuing such women when there are others out there.

[Summeroflove]

It happens yes. You have to learn from negative experiences in life so next time you can do better.

We can’t change the past. What’s done is done. But we can learn and grow

[Anemone978]

Nope it took me awhile to really learn what love is...
But I only been in love once, and it was with the wrong person, I knew all along I loved them because my feelings were so strong and I never felt it for anyone else. I still have these feelings for them but I also don't want that person back.

[Nomina]

I wouldn't say that I loved him, but there was an ex of mine from college that I had broken up with. Afterwards I realized that he was much better suited for me than I had thought. I did regret ending things with him after.

[Finchie40]

Most of my ex girlfriends’ have done this after breaking up with me , they eventually realized they made a mistake and that they missed me and wanted me back , unfortunately I don’t take back exes that choose to walk away to begin with , instead of fixing whatever was broken between us Which in most cases , it was just another guy that caught her interest , until she realizes he just wanted to bang her and nothing else , so that ship has sailed with me and she lost her chance with me. I won’t be mean to her , I just won't be in a relationship with her ever again. Some of them cried to me and said how much she loves me and that she promises to stand by my side and never walk away again , I just tell her she should of thought about that before she walked away like she did.

[VIVANT]

There are people on my life I lost touch with due to various circumstance snd I wish I’d tried harder to be present but when I love someone It is made clear to me while they are in my life. I've let go bc of love and I don’t think I’ve ever not regretted it on some level.

[VIVANT]

In not on

[WindAtMyBack]

Whatever happened to the linguist guy? Is he one you wish you didn't let go?

[VIVANT]

@WindAtMyBack

Oh there are so many not just romantic Interests... It’s more I wish I could’ve done love & life differently. Not just about which people you know? But uhh with him, hmm, i wish I’d handled many things differently. Some people it’s ok to move on from but it never sits well knowing you didn’t try or were not honest. I’m generally an honest person so knowing I’d been less so weighs heavily and I think it informed other unrelated decisions of the time negatively ad well. I think once you begin to unravel in one spot your fabric becomes frayed and it takes time to mend.

[WindAtMyBack]

Wow! Two huge Great Danes just walked by. A lot of people walk dogs down my street, but I haven't seen those before. They were monsters! Black and white ones like this one.
en.wikipedia.org/.../File:Vala_in_grass.jpg

Anyway, one of my few regrets is not keeping in touch with people. Moving around a lot didn't help. But it's really because I just didn't put in the effort. I wish I had gotten in the habit of sending out Christmas cards/letters. I don't care about Christmas - it's just another day for me. But Christmas cards are a good way to keep ties with people instead of people fading away into oblivion.

For a romantic partner, I never thought the linguist guy was a good match for you. A good match shouldn't be that difficult, and the thing with him did not go smoothly at all.

[VIVANT]

@WindAtMyBack

it’s not about matching with another person it’s snot my own conduct and as I said the lack of my own transparency is what bothers me, I was never looking for a partner I was struggling with my own truth. And yeah I feel you on the moving around and not keeping in touch I am so bad at that tho if I’d used internet earlier maybe it’d be easier 🤔

[VIVANT]

I can’t see the doggies lol

[WindAtMyBack]

What do you mean by transparency?

You should be able to click that placeholder to see the dog. It's not the actual dogs, it's just a Wikipedia picture that shows their coloring.

[VIVANT]

@WindAtMyBack

I’m normally direct and above board and when you are clear with people they feel comfortable bring direct with you and when you’re not you encourage games esp from very insecure defensive people. What could’ve been a growth period turned into a very obnoxious sequence of events and I’m bothered that I wasted time being something other than what I aim to be. I hurt o😉people around me by my behavior… it’s not just humans I say there’s a domino affect when you go outside of where your conscience resides. I actively behaved in a way that I was not proud of while I was doing it and it just leaves me with disgust. That snd bad feelings of all the enriching interactions I could’ve had bc it was a time I was just beginning to be free so more important than just usual journey of youth. Pride is very seductive and it feels in grainier in the moment but it stings emotional development and I was so busy shutting down to prove a point to myself I list out on a lot of growth and opportunity to help others. It’s too bad I came out of one dark period just to create another and drag people into it and yes it’s unfortunate for both of us he was immature but I am responsible for my own actions he him so it doesn’t really matter what he did, it’s what I didn’t do. Plus my health will never be as good as it was then so I really wish I’d just been honest & moved in and not worried about fixing things or fixed things & got in with it.

Anyhow, I’d say love and learn but it’s kinda too late my life is going to go in a completely different direction and I’m not going to be even casually dating people so there’s not much use for ‘learning to be present and not allow pride to dominate in romantic situations’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

There was no good match for me bc I wasn’t looking for a match but I’d prefer that in the context of the people I did involve myself with that I had been honest & open to life, that’s all.

[WindAtMyBack]

I know you want people to be direct... but some things are pretty sensitive. Pm me if you want to go private.

You've said some things lately that make me wonder. Are you facing your own mortality? It happens to all us old farts, but I wonder if it's gotten to that point with you.

Sorry, for being so direct and yo don't need to answer.

[VIVANT]

@WindAtMyBack

I know 😂 but I at least want ME to be direct

Ok I’ll
Pm You later after dinner and chores 😊

[Chazmatazz269]

Actually, the most extreme form of that turn of phrase is when someone knowingly neglects common safety practices and then loses an eye or a limb, or gets cancer.
But i digress.
I’ve never regretted letting someone go or pushing them away when it was my own choice. I have attempted to modify my behavior to get someone back who chose to dump or reject me. I wouldn’t do that now though. I believe that kind of behavior indicates a fundamental lack of self respect.

[DiegoO]

No, I slowly lost her, knowing that I loved her. I wished at the time I could do something about it, but none of us had the resources to be together, and none us had the possibility to save up for at least one encounter. Distance slowly destroyed out faith in the relation. I don't wish that agonizing feeling—sentimentally speaking— to no one.

[mobiusforniner]

Yes. Love isn't all bliss, joy, and pleasure. To truly understand love, one must also experience it's vices- Pain. Sorrow. Loss.

Love is liberation, even if that liberation means letting go.

[NathanDavis]

no, I loved them, I liked, I valued them, appreciated...

and they knew it too

and then I just lost them

[KBird]

Yeah. I loved my ex. I know I had strong feelings for him, but didn’t think that I loved him, because there were so many issues. I ‘lost’ him, but it was for the better.

[SnowedIn]

Thankfully no. I know what you mean and I haven't let this happen.

[ArtemisSilver]

It happens. It really sucks when they're dead so you can't even make a half assed way to late attempt.

[ChiTown33]

Nope. Now there are people that I didn't understand how much they meant to me till they were gone. My sister and my father, being two after they passed away.

[Oddi_211]

Hasn‘t happened to me in my life thus far. I am glad I could appreciate everything while I had it or didn‘t want it anyways

[exitseven]

No, but I have regrets over acouple of lost opportunities I have had

[LiamJHayden]

Sometimes:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/i28UEoLXVFQ

[lifeamystery]

Yes, I didn't know how much I really miss someone til there gone.

[Minahh]

No. The people that are gone, are gone for a reason.

[eagle1951]

no, but i think it makes you realize how you loved them and miss ed

[Nikki1989]

Some people go through that.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Not which I can recall. I love many Earthlings.

[QuietVerbena]

Yeah

[ZenJen444]

No..