If you learned it was a mistake and wrong to do to someone , What changed inside you to make you not cheat on someone again? Are you happy with yourself knowing you won’t ever cheat again? If you still cheat , what makes you feel that it is an ok thing to do to someone? , Are you happy knowing you are betraying someone that gave their heart to you? Are you still looking that person in the eyes telling them you love them knowing you are betraying them behind their back? Oo you realize you will never experience true love with someone if you can’t remove that selfishness from inside you? How do you expect someone to love you if you truly can’t love them back the same? I want to hear honest answers , I don’t want to hear people saying they don’t cheat , cuz everyone cheats in one way or another , Flirting with the opposite sex is cheating , Withholding intimacy and affection from your partner is cheating. Excluding
Your partner from things is cheating? Having opposite sex friends is cheating , Girls and Guys can not be friends , acquaintances yes but close friends No , especially if you are in a relationship , That is cheating? So I want honest answers only?
Your partner from things is cheating? Having opposite sex friends is cheating , Girls and Guys can not be friends , acquaintances yes but close friends No , especially if you are in a relationship , That is cheating? So I want honest answers only?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I have avoided the cheating thing so far….
First of all, flirting is on the borderline. If anything, its a form of emotional cheating. Withholding is not cheating especially if its for religious reasons and you made that clear early on. Having opposite sex friends is not cheating but i agree that guys/girls can't be platonic friends UNLESS the ones friendzoned are unattractive to you (and vice versa). I would friendzone guys i wasn't attracted to but i knew they were still into me, so ig i’m guilty because I enjoyed the attention despite them knowing we’d never be something more. Anyways, I have never physically cheated and never will. I have too much PHYSICAL self control. But i am guilty of constantly emotionally cheating because i like having someone to confide in when whoever i’m dating doesn’t want to be there for me. I’ve tried to break things off but this guilt builds and the person always wants to work things out and doesn’t want to let me go. And i don’t like just leaving on my own. I wanted to be let go of. Or i stick around until i can’t tolerate feeling trapped any longer and then i “escape” and enjoy feeling free. So yea, that makes me feel like monogamy may not be for me. I would like to say I wouldn’t do it again but i look back at my history and I almost wonder when I haven't done it. Almost everyone I’ve dated, I left someone (or was finally let go of by someone) for them. I don’t like being the one to breakup first and yes I have an unintentional backup boo 90% of the time. I could say this wouldn’t happen if the guy was better at communication. But deep down, I know I’m guilty for not picking as wisely as i thought. I choose half-assed men who are not everything I want and then long for a better half to feel completed. I would say I’m ashamed but I’m not. I know I’m no good just like my daddy. These last 6 months is probably the longest I’ve been single since like 2008. I’m something like a serial dater except I dont make everyone an “official” boyfriend. I’m not physical with everyone. Its not even as bad as I make it sound but I say it this way as an attempt to self sabotage for anyone reading because I don’t necessarily know if I deserve better and they should seek better. I’ll never physically cheat. I’ll always wait until the relationship ends. But I’ll also always have a backup plan. If I ever make it to the day i say “I do” then I will no longer emotionally cheat because I don’t want to commit adultery. But for as long as I’m unmarried, I can’t promise that I won’t end up emotionally cheating. Welp, you wanted honest. There you have it.
Thank you for being honest , I didn’t ask this question to judge anyone what so ever , so thank you for understanding my question, And yes I agree with most things you said , must be the Aquarius in us lol the only thing I don’t agree with you on , is having the back up plan , the only reason I say that , is because having a back up plan is allowing yourself to be emotionally available to someone else instead of investing in your relationship , basically it implies that if things don’t go your way with your current relationship , I have this person to fall back on , which is a sign of selfishness inside yourself. Cuz how would you feel if you found out your partner had a back up plan? Again I am not judging you , I am just trying to let you see things from a different point of view , whether you agree with me or not that’s up to you. Based off of my experiences in relationships , learning to remove that selfishness inside ourselves is a hard thing to do , when you learn to remove that for someone , most people have. a hard time doing this because we all have selfishness in us. you have to understand you can’t always be right and they are wrong , For love to grow it’s best to wear your partners shoes before wearing your own , even if you don’t agree with them , you should put yourself in their shoes and understand where they are coming from , and understand you can’t always be right , when you can do that for your partner they will learn to do that for you , it’s respect for each other. We all come from different paths in life and we all experienced different things , whether they are coming off insecure , or controlling , manipulative etc. In most cases that isn’t what it is , we just assume the worst it’s how are brains are wired especially after all the negative shit we see and hear and read about we automatically assume the worst case scenario when really we are are own worst enemy. Selfishness is the biggest relationship killer , when you can’t remove it
For your partner they will not be able to remove it for you , understand Love takes 2 people to stand by each others side , and make each other your top priority , It should be you and your partner VS the world not allowing anyone else to interfere , having emotional connections with other people over
Your partner is pushing you away from your partner instead of being on his side
Thats why i said unintentional backup. I dont go seeking their replacement. Meeting a guy who fulfills what they’re missing just comes about. Say for example you're into gaming but your girl isn't. When you go to play online games you come across others who share the same interests. The more time you spend with them, you may not want to leave them each time to go watch a film with your significant other. You rather stay in play the video game with the person whos into the same thing. Eventually its like they become an unintentional backup because you know you're starting to vibe with more than just hobbies but you dont pull yourself away from the emotional connection thats building. Stuff like this is not selfish in my opinion, but its not innocent either. And tbh everyone i emotionally cheated on was likely physically or emotionally cheating on me in the end as well so i definitely felt even less shameful. In my mind, everyone has someone as a backup, whether they intend to or not. Say on day 1 you meet 2 girls. Both ask you out but you turn one down. The one you turned down is already unintentionally a fallback/backup unless they completely move on from you.
When i think back on the times, for example, one dude knew how to touch me, the other knew how to talk to me. Another dude shared my hobbies while another shared my mindset. Another had the looks while the other had the personality. Another gave me quality time and attention but didn't want commitment while another wanted commitment and gave me affection although not quality time. Another was the manly man that i like but feared commitment while another was submissive but wanted commitment. Another was ready for marriage and parenthood while another was not.
LOL well that’s why you don’t commit to anyone until you meet someone that has a lot of the same interests as you , it’s ok to do all that stuff when you are just dating someone and you are single but when it comes to committing to someone you have to remove your selfishness the same way you expect your partner to do for You , you shouldn’t commit to someone to be single , shit , when I am single and just dating , dating to me means just getting to know someone having fun together and seeing if you both have great chemistry and connection together , to see if we would be a great couple , if I meet another girl along the way I will do the same to her cuz I am not committed to anyone I am still single , but the second I choose to commit to someone and they choose to commit to me , it’s official my selfishness is pushed aside , I choose to be in the relationship with this girl, I am choosing to stay loyal and faithful to her the same way I want her to be with me , she accepts my flaws like I accept hers , I can only give her what I want to receive , I know I am not always going to get my way and she isn’t always going to get hers but we stay by each other’s side to make love grow , if she chooses to walk away and be selfish then she is choosing to break off the commitment she agreed upon and vice versa if I choose to walk away , I am not going to commit to a girl to go have fun with other girls just like I wouldn’t want her going to hang out with other guys , if she wants to to be selfish she should of never got in a relationship /commitment with me , she should of just stayed FWB’s is how I look at it
Thats why i said i have officials and unofficials. The ones i didn't OFFICIALLY commit to still expected me to only be talking to them which is fair because i’d expect the same. But it just wasn't always the case. And i never date to just “not be single”. I love being single. But i date if i see potential in them being a future partner. If i knew from the get go that they’d pretend to like the same things but actually didn't, i would have never dated them. A lot who were missing something pretended to be that something until months in then they show the lack of interest in the thing. And friends with benefits doesn't apply to my situation because like i said, i had emotional connections with the other halves through shared interests/goals/hobbies/beliefs, not physical
That’s pretty much how I am , if I start having sex with a girl I am not going to run around and bang other girls but when I am single I am open to meeting other girls , for me to commit to someone they have to be in it for the long haul and understand what it means to be in a relationship or they are just wasting their time and mine is how I look at it
I mean if we’re still getting to know eachother and they say they want us to be eachothers only, i do try. But when i see theyre not for me, thats when the emotional shit starts and then i usually leave them for someone else. I dont feel as bad because we were unofficial anyways. But there were 2 officials who i felt myself being pulled away from. But in the end i chose them over their better halves. And remained unhappy until things finally ended. Im so afraid of being unhappy and trapped that it makes me fear getting in another relationship
Well you shouldn’t string them along and weigh your options , that right there is a selfish trait , if someone is not meant for you, then you should end it with them immediately , not keep them by your side to see if this other person works better for you weighing your options , The reason you are having trouble in your relationships is because you are investing into someone else instead of investing into your partner , you are comparing your partner to this other person which is not good cuz you are only trying to benefit yourself, only thinking of yourself , making you a selfish person , you got to learn to let that go girl or you will never experience true love , you will only experience what is best for you , thinking you are always right and they are wrong , when another guy can move in on another guy’s girl that makes him a total piece of shit , That other guy is going to tell you things you want to hear to pull you away from the guy you already have , making himself come off as better and more masculine and more put together then your current partner , By you being drawn to that just shows you only care about yourself , little do you realize that guy that is pulling you away from your partner is only after one thing , sex , once he gets the sex from you he will eventually get bored of you and kick you to the curb , Cuz no guy wants to be with a girl that can cheat on her partner period , once that sinks into his brain on what you did to your partner for him he will realize no way in hell am I going to stay with a girl like this be a matter of time before she cheats on me for another guy that’s only if he doesn’t cheat on you first
Where did i string someone along? I said i chose who i was already initially with hoping things would get better and they didn't. And how am I having trouble because i invested time in someone else when i clearly stated that i only started enjoying getting to know others because the relationships i was in were already struggling due to people not wanting to fix the issues that i told them we had. you're not making sense so please dont give advice. Im just stating how i am
And why im the way i am. And you're saying theyre pulling me away from sex but he clearly won't get it because i said i emotionally never physically. I wouldn't hookup with someone. And like i said most of the emotional cheating was with people who didn't want commitment anyways so they were just fulfilling an emotional need. And like i also stated, i eventually found out the ones i was official with were doing the same thing so no i dont feel that guilty
My apologies I must of read it wrong , it sounded like you were saying if things don’t go your way in a relationship you start to invest into someone else filling the void that you aren’t receiving from your partner , so I was pointing out why that is wrong to do , No relationship is perfect , everyone goes through ups and downs , you aren’t always going to agree on things so it’s best to try to fix it before thinking someone else is going to save you cuz the truth is no one else is going to save you , so it’s best to sit down with your partner to compromise instead of latching on to someone else that is going to side with you no matter what, it’s ok to vent your frustrations but only vent your frustrations with someone that is in a relationship themselves and looks at it from both angles if you vent to a friend that is only siding with you then their advice is pretty pointless , it’s a nice to hear but you shouldn’t
Take their advice seriously sometimes friends can be toxic to your relationship without you really Realizing it , cuz the truth is a friend just wants to see you smile and be ok for their benefit , most people don’t want to hear someone else’s troubles in a relationship so they sugar coat it or say negative things to stop you from venting from it , Girls do this more than guys do , Girls really don’t know how to keep shit to themselves cuz girls live on their friggin phones and love gossip and drama lol But either way it’s best to just take advice from someone that looks at things from both sides of it instead of just taking advice that makes you feel like you are in the right and your partner is always in the wrong , my ex had a girlfriend that always sided with her even if my ex was clearly wrong her friend would side with her making me this horrible person , almost to a point I thought this girlfriend was gay for my ex , it was pretty sickening , it took me a long time to convince my ex that this girl is toxic cuz no matter what I was wrong
We become easily blinded to our partner when someone else is fulfilling what our partner isn’t giving us , we start to block out what are partner is trying to tell us automatically assuming they are wrong because we have someone else rooting us on making us feel we are in the right at all times , so it’s best to take a step back and look at things from both sides of the spectrum instead of just choosing your selfishness over Your partner , Now if your partner is hitting you and calling
You nasty names and cheating on you then yes walk away but if they just aren’t agreeing with you and don’t see things your way then you shouldn’t walk away that’s something that can be fixed if you compromise with each other , Even if your needs and wants aren’t being met in a relationship you should still try to compromise and not assume you are right and they are wrong , Sit down and talk to them instead of latching onto someone else thinking that person is going to save you , cuz the truth of the matter they can’t save you
What I always say removing selfishness from inside yourself is the only way love can grow when you learn to point fingers at yourself over pointing fingers at your partner , understand that you have flaws as well that you are not perfect , The only way someone can accept your flaws is when you know what your flaws are , most people don’t grasp this concept and then they wonder why they end up single or cheated on , remember whatever you can do to your partner they can do to you as well why it’s best to wear each others shoes before making decisions
I hope my EX won’t learn a lesson and will mess up his relationship with that girl he cheated on with.
Understand his cheating on you was nothing to do with you , his cheating was his own selfish decision, making him a coward and a POS , not being able to fix things with you , understand he was unable to remove selfishness for you , when someone can’t remove selfishness they will never experience true love , they only do what’s best for them , they can never see the wrong within themselves, a cheater will always point fingers at someone else for their actions because they are a selfish person , Hopefully this new girl cheats on him and he has a wake up call , whatever happens do yourself a favor and move on , realize you deserve someone that will stand by you that will remove selfishness for you , if he tries to come back to you , don’t give him a chance , he already showed his true colors by not being able to remove selfishness for you
Thank you. It makes me feel better to think of this.