Guys, One sided relationship?

[olmille]

How do I know if im in a one sided relationship?

I feel like I do most of everything, the communication, the planning, the traveling 2 hours every week to see him, Im the one who askes for him to spend time with me.
But he has some good periods where he shows a lot of love and some where he dosent but he still claims to love me.

I feel like im the only one trying.. what do I do?

[SnowedIn]

You will know you're in a one-sided relationship if all the effort is on your part. If you never meet (literally or figuratively) in the middle. If you can never relax and he comes to you -- communication, travel, food, planning, anything.

Nothing in any relationship is ever 100% equal -- not ever. (I've been married for 23 years and in this relationship for 26: I can attest to that.) BUT... the average? Over time? It ends up being equal.

I'll tell you one thing I read from your question and then three thoughts.

From what you write in your question, your relationship sounds very one sided in terms of logistics and effort (and you're doing all of the logistics and all of the effort). You hint at the communication being all on you but I can't tell if that's just day to day or related to the travel and planning.

My three thoughts are this:

First, the communication thing worries me. A relationship can survive pretty much anything if there's good communication -- anything from cheating to buying eggs and everything in between. I'm worried for you two because you hint at all the communication being on you.

Second, you write "But he has some good periods where he shows a lot of love and some where he dosent but he still claims to love me." I will tell you right now that there's no connection between love and this other stuff. He may love you but if he doesn't do the other stuff, the relationship collapses. In the same way, if all you do is logistics, you have no time for love. In other words, don't give him a pass for love.

Finally, you write, "I feel like I'm the only one trying." There's the answer to your original question.

But, you closed with "what do I do?". You write and speak maturely, and in your other question and in your other opinions. And your question is a mature one. So, you do the mature thing: you talk to him. Not in an accusatory way, not in a judgmental way, but in a way that outlines (factually and objectively) what is and isn't being done and that your needs aren't being met. And then he either starts to work on it or he doesn't -- at which point you'll have an new set of decisions to make. Simultaneous to talking to him, you do something else: nothing. If he wants to see you, he comes to you. If he wants to get together, he plans it. Don't say that. Just don't do it. And, yes, it'll suck for you because you want to see him but it'll force him to decide what he wants. And that gives you answers and helps you make decisions.

[olmille]

Thank you so much this helped a lot

[SnowedIn]

You are very welcome! Happy to help or be a sounding board if you need it.

[MaazHussain]

If you feel like you're the only one putting in effort and there's a lack of reciprocity in the relationship, then it's possible that you may be in a one-sided relationship. Here are some signs to look for:

• You're always the one initiating contact: If you're the one who always calls, texts, or makes plans, and your partner rarely initiates contact, it's a sign that the relationship may be one-sided.
• Your partner doesn't make time for you: If you're always the one making the effort to see your partner, and they seem to have little interest in spending time with you, then it's possible that the relationship is one-sided.
• Your partner doesn't show much interest in your life: If your partner doesn't seem to take much interest in your hobbies, passions, or daily life, it's a sign that they may not be as invested in the relationship as you are.
• Your needs are not being met: If you feel like your emotional needs are not being met, and your partner is not willing to work on the relationship with you, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

If you feel like your relationship is one-sided, it's important to communicate your concerns with your partner. If your partner is willing to work on the relationship and make changes, then the relationship can be saved. However, if your partner is not willing to put in the effort, then it may be time to move on and find a more fulfilling relationship.

[olmille]

This seems too familiar😭

[Summeroflove]

If a relationship is one sided. You need to tell him that. Tell him you’re doing everything, spending all the money, doing all the panning, etc and he isn’t really contributing.

Either he will see the error of his way, he will make excuses and throw it back in your face, or he will do better for a while and be back to the same old person he was.

[Guy13]

Sounds like it’s not best place for you

[olmille]

i guess so..

[bowenw]

If he's not putting in any effort like you are describing, it's safe to assume you are in a one-sided relationship.

[olmille]

He has a lot of work and school and also does farm work everyday for his parents, and now exams could that be why he's distant

[bowenw]

I suggest seeing how things go after exams.

[olmille]

I was thinking so too, I mentioned to him how I feel like he's being distant and he says its because of that and now he's abit more loving towards me but thank you for good advice

[Wise4myage]

Talk to him about this, because he needs to know how you feel.

[Iron_Man]

You need to talk to him about everything

[olmille]

I try but sometimes he kind of pushes it away, can that be because of stress for final exam?

[Iron_Man]

Just talk to the guy nobody’s that busy

[MadAndBankrupt]

Leave before you lose yourself.

[olmille]

But I love him..

[MadAndBankrupt]

Suit yourself

[riverrat3]

Get another guy