Is this considered cheating?

[Anonymous]

I found out recently that my boyfriend and his ex were still sending each other pictures of NSFW fan art for the first month of our relationship then stopped because they realised it was inappropriate.

For context they were in a long distance relationship and used to send each other NSFW fan art all the time. They broke up when we started dating and she ghosted him for 2 weeks, then when they started talking and hanging out online again they started sending the pictures again.

It's been over a year since this happened and they stopped but they still hang out online together often. I only found out that they used to date recently and then I found out about the pictures and i feel hurt and a bit betrayed.

I want to know if what they did is considered cheating or if it was just really inappropriate.

I'm not sure what to do and having some clarity on this might help me figure it out.

After talking to my boyfriend about it I've forgiven him and he has agreed to stop spending time alone with her and only to talk to her when she's hanging out with our mutual friends but I feel like I should confront her because she kept this from me and befriended me while sending these pictures to my boyfriend and not telling me about their relationship.

If you guys dont consider it cheating then I'll let it go and try to move on but if you do consider it cheating then I feel like I have a right to bring it up despite it being in the past and at the very least demand an apology from her and at worse cut ties with her completely. This whole situation really pains me because I did like her as a friend.

Yes it is cheating.

No it's not cheating but it was an inappropriate thing to do.

No it's not cheating and I don't consider it inappropriate.

[Mayo503]

Well that’s up to you he could be friends with his ex….
How do you feel about that…?
Everyone to themselves like….
But me and ex’s no not really it isn’t fair on your partner because something could still be there for them…
But it’s up to you….
He haven’t hid it from you so that’s good
But you got to see from your side….
But then again it takes two side to make a relationship…..
We all have friends male and female so what is right and wrong…?
Sorry I couldn’t answer

[Anonymous]

I think you have to move away from the idea of cheating. Don't chain yourself to a definition. You are clearly hurt. You are clearly reasonable even the topic of the pictures. Was his intentions in any way an attack on your relationship? You need to ask him that. If his intentions were pure then just move on and get them to stop do whatever they were doing.

Learn from it and figure it out. Don't run away.

[Opinion Owner]

You are clearly reasonable given the topic of the pictures.

[Asker]

He never meant to hurt me he just didn't realise at the time that it would be something that would hurt me. My boyfriend and I have talked it out and I've forgiven him for it but I'm having a harder time forgiving the girl. I see her as a friend and enjoy hanging out with her but I also feel betrayed by her. I haven't spoken to her about it yet and I'm not even sure if I should, I'm just so hurt. If it was something "innocent" but dumb then I can possibly forgive her too but if it was a form of cheating then I think it's better to cut ties with her for good regardless if she's my friend or not.

[Anonymous]

“They broke up when we started dating”, so unless this doesn’t mean what I think it means, he cheated on her with you. I mean that’s what that line looks like. So if this is the case then you got into a relationship with a cheater, and it would not surprise me if he did the same to you since he clearly isn’t above it. On top of that, you can hardly get upset about this if you were partaking in infidelity as well at one point. It’s more like karma.

[Asker]

They started off as friends but were both lonely so they decided to try dating each other long distance until either of them found someone they were interested in. Before we went out on our first date he broke things off with her because he was interested in me. So their relationship was officially over before we started dating.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, that sounds like a better scenario for sure but still kinda red flag because what was leading up to the date? Would he have had to been flirting with you or showing interest before asking you out?

[Asker]

We are a part of the same social group, we have known each other for a few years. We always had a very strong chemistry.

At one of our group gatherings I flirted with him and asked him out because as far as i knew he was supposed to be single. He rejected me and then a week later he asked me out.

He ended things with his ex during that time, it was a mutual break up because on the terms of their relationship they always planned to end things as soon as one of them managed to find someone living closer to date.