How do I fall in love with my girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 22-year-old university student, I've never had a girlfriend before, and I've never been so blindly attached to anyone. In the past weeks, I became girlfriend-boyfriend with someone who has been my close friend for months and whom I find attractive. I know that she loves me very much, I love her too, but I am not in love. When you see someone you fall in love with like that, you get super excited and I almost never had that. At first, I was very excited too, for the first time I felt that a girl loved me and almost fell in love with me, but my excitement was short-lived. She ask me "Do you love me?" regularly for almost 2 weeks. I say yes. She says we have communication problems. She asks questions like Why don't you worry about me? why don't you listen to m? why do our conversations don't go very far? . I swear I'm not doing it on purpose, and I want too much to fall in love with her like that. I love spending time with her. We have a lot in common, but I guess I'm very bad at love. What should I do? please help.

Long answers pleasee

[quaranta]

You're not "very bad at love", I think you are just less into her than she is into you and you shouldn't have lied about your love because now she is expecting that and is rightfully telling you you have communication issues and is constantly insecure about that, because the facts don't match your words. She might be an anxious person as well (regardless) so don't measure your "love skills" on her, she is the only one you had and she might be not the average, but more anxious and clingy than the norm.
Anyway, to increase your feelings for her you should just follow your style, which is probably like opening slowly to her and know her better, to develop trust over time. Share more experiences with her, not just "couple things", have trips around, go to events, hang out with mutual friends, etc. That will strengthen your bond and allow you both to know more about each other in different contexts. Also, the more your share, the more "familiarity" will kick in, which is not the same as the initial lust but it's anyway the only relevant component that can grow over time. Not sure this is sufficient to her needs, though.
Other than that, you should find a way to not make her suffocate you because there is nothing more repulsive and off-putting than a clingy and needy partner that makes you constantly feel in debt, or guilty, for something, and that lives only for you, adapts too much to you, and needs you like the air. This kind of pressure with constant "otherwise!"s hidden anywhere can only kill your enthusiasm and attraction. So if she is doing that and she requires better communication, you could tell her things are going unbalanced and running at 2 different paces, and that this unbalancement won't let your feelings be free to blossom. You should always state your boundaries and space you need, and to encourage your girlfriend to keep cultivating hers, to bring more in the relationship.
I feel into the same mistake as yours in my first relationship during my teenage and I found myself guilty for "not loving enough" and an extremely anxious and needy boyfriend. When we broke up after some months, it became a liberation... Because things really degenerated that way. My mistake was: I wasn't honest and I was not prepared to set boundaries yet, neither I knew myself enough to announce in advance how I "work".

[jillybeanns]

I guess being friends with her for some time has made it difficult for you to cross that “mental/emotional boundary” of being something more. It’ll probably be hard for you to establish an intimate connection with her. You should let her know that you don’t feel in love and that will answer literally ALL of the questions she is asking you.

[exitseven]

This is not something you can just do on command. It does not work this way. I do not know why you are not in love with her. There are a lot of factors. Some are physical and some are some intangible thing that cannot be described.

Everyone says you will know it when it happens and I think that is true.

I understand where you are. I had a female friend that was really pretty and sweet and we really got along well. I know that she wanted it to be more that a friendship and I thought that maybe it should but I never could feel that way about her.

I do know that eventually I did find somebody who was just perfect for me.

Maybe you should be honest with your girlfriend and let her know that you just do not feel thee same way about her that she feels about you.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Guy13]

One can’t make themselves fall in love. It is there or it is not. There’s a deeper and grow together relational love but that is grounded upon a mutual respect, appreciation, and initial Lust or love.

[KrissAvarr00]

It is just a natural thing
It happens, or it doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I assume you had to hit on her and ask her out