What does it mean when a guy says he has "zero tolerance" for snooping?

[Anonymous]

Does it mean I can never look through his phone / DMs in case I get caught?

This has me worried, I've always gone through my partners phones in relationships to make sure they weren't talking inappropriately to other girls.

Updates

11 mo

So I asked him to clarify and he said "it's simple. I catch you snooping once, I change my phone PIN and it would be years until I trusted you again. I catch you snooping a second time, it's over".

A bit over the top don't you think?

[kylee2437]

That means he’s doesn’t tolerate someone that is trying to be harmful towards a relationship. He wants a health relationship and someone that respects his boundaries. If you are not that girl, leave him alone. He deserves someone that will respect him

[admles]

It means exactly what it says.

He has no tolerance for you snooping.

So, if you want to know something / see something, ask, or most likely, he will break up with you.

Once you snoop behind someone's back, it means two things:

1. You're making an accusation, because you're essentially trying to find something to be upset about

2. You have no trust in them.

I've been with my wife for almost 3 years, and we've never snooped through each other's phones. We have the pins for each other's phones, but we've never once snooped. I've trusted her enough to use it to message someone for me, get an address from a message for me, but she's never snooped. That's what trust is.

I suggest you get over your trust issues or this relationship is doomed.

[Anonymous]

That is exactly what that means. If he knows you're snooping, then the relationship is over.

It's a completely reasonable perspective. My advice to you is: don't snoop. If you're constantly checking guys' phones, because you don't trust him, then that's your issue, not his. Especially if he's given you no reason to think he's doing anything untoward.

Without trust, a relationship is doomed, anyway. So either don't snoop, or don't date. If you feel compelled to snoop, then do you both a favor, and walk away now. Otherwise you're just wasting his time, and yours, because you will eventually get caught, and then it'll be over.

[OracleCassandra]

That sounds... concerning. Have you asked him why? If he has a good reason, myabe it's okay, but that sounds like a big red flag.

[kylee2437]

I disagree. He is asking for his personal space to be respected. There is absolutely no reason to be snooping through someone’s phone. She literally voiced that she does this in relationships and people that routinely do this stuff, constantly look for reasons to be mad at their partner

[OracleCassandra]

@kylee2437 I think I can see that. I guess I find it difficult to see someone breaking up IMMEDIATELY over reading their texts.
I've never been in a relationship where it's not normal to be able to look through each other's phones. But I've also never been in a relationship where my boyfriend is super intensive on looking through my phone.

[kylee2437]

I’ve been through it and that person used looking through my phone to abuse me. It’s abusive behavior especially when one of the two isn’t okay with it and doesn’t do it. He may have been through something similar to me and I have zero tolerance on someone looking through my phone as well. If someone has trust issues with me - then I really want them to break up with me

[TheThingALing]

The actual issue is the snooping part. If I request to see a girls phone, if I am not seen as valuable enough to ask and be given such privileges, then they'd say no, and I'd leave either knowing my place or depending on the situation, they were hiding something. But when they do see me as valuable enough, they'll gladly hand it over.

[kylee2437]

@thethingaling that’s not how that works. If someone not giving you their phone raises questions to cheating , you were already thinking they were cheating

[Effably]

Exactly that.

Although honestly the fact you're concerned about being caught rather than betraying his trust is mildly discomforting.

Either you can trust him and do not need to snoop around, or you can not. Of course, he also needs to reciprocate so you two can have a relationship with no trust-issues.

So how about you figure out what would help you feel secure? Start there.

[Lliam]

I respect his l attitude. I wouldn't want to be with a woman who spied on me. It's like searching someone's bedroom when they are not around, or reading their private diary without their permission. People have a right to privacy.

Spying displays a controlling nature. It is also dishonest, disrespectful, and displays lack of trust. I wouldn't spy on my girlfriend. Love is based on mutual trust and respect.

[Adam1978]

If you can't trust a guy don't be with a guy. It's a you issue not a him issue. Snooping is disrespectful and the same as accusing him for whatever you are looking for.

[BeMuse]

Nope, he's treating you with kids gloves... Don't go through people's shit. The fact that he would even stay with you at all is crazy.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆 only a woman would ask this question. It don't get much clearer yet you still want to debate it.

What does it mean? It means "f*** around and find out".