How do I stop people from getting this impression of me?

[Anonymous]

Because I have expensive tastes which I indulge when I can afford them, people think I must be a gold digger. One guy refused to date me because he thought I must want his money. A female coworker said there’s nothing wrong with being a gold digger. I get how people could think this way, as I dress very well and I have an eye for the beautiful and the expensive. However, it offends me that people make snap judgments based on my tastes. How can I stop people from judging me this way?

[DJB72]

You'll never stop people from judging you. It's human nature to tear down others.

You know your heart. There's nothing wrong with having expensive tastes if you have the resources to acquire the things you want. I tend to wait until I can buy something high quality rather than a cheap knock-off. Buying the expensive stuff generally works out cheaper in the long run anyway as you don't have to keep replacing it.

We got grief from the family for spending a lot on our cooking pots 20 years ago when I got married, but those expensive pots still look like new while the family have all had to replace cheaper pots at least once and ended up paying more than we did. I'm still using knives my grandparents bought 75 years ago because their quality is so good they hold an edge while the cheap stuff wears out in a decade.

Be yourself. Don't listen to haters. If you changed your behaviour they'd start calling you a sellout.

[nolabels]

I don't understand why you think that your own personal style, self-admittedly expensive, has anything to do with being a gold-digger.

They're two unconnected things.

Whoever is "judging" you may need to check their vocabulary.

[caring__1]

Since men are expected to be the provider or believe themselves to be the provider, your having expensive taste can lead them to believe they will never measure up in your eyes. They believe what they can afford will only disappoint you, so they will pass on the opportunity to get involved with you. Men like to believe they have value in the relationship, yet your extravagance will either push them to live beyond their means or they won't invest in the first place.

Your expensive taste will probably limit your opportunities to rich men, but they are likely to just use you, as they'll believe you're in the relationship just for financial gain. Extravagant displays leads people to believe only extremes will be appreciated, and you will be viewed as too materialistic for many men. It's your life, and you have the right to live it any way you want, but your choices are stating your priorities and may limit your opportunities to other materialistic people.

[Billlewis]

You sound like a wonderful lady, and I don't think you should feel guilty at all about your tastes. Maybe you should consider advertising in your local personals to try and find a guy who will appreciate you without jumping to conclusions about your taste for fine living.

[Billlewis]

Thank you very much for giving me a point, Goddess. I'd love to chat with you about this if you want.