Why text response times is slow with online friends?

[Anonymous]

Guys, I am just wondering about something. Recently I downloaded an app where u pay a person for their time to chat with u. It is also a streamer service for streamers to earn money. But the thing is whenever I talk to them, I get slow replies, some hours if not even days. And the only single reason I have heard and nothing else, is that they are busy. Fair enough, everyone have commitments, be it school, work or social life. However there seems to be a pattern where the people I have talk in school, some not even met before, reply at a much faster rate than those pen pals. I even see people texting their friends on their train, in class or at the office. But it just seems to be impossible for those pen pals to reply me at those similar times, which is the weird part. I have been wondering for a very long time but still get no answers. I believe if a person I wants to talk to u, they will make time for u. So why is that people I have not even met in school replies me faster than those pen pals, and it is not even school related. I think first of all those so called pen pals don’t even see me as a friend in the first place, and is just there to earn streamer money. Can’t be that they are busy 24/7/365. Even after helping one streamer to go past her target by donating her monetary gifts, she still came back asking for more saying she needs to meet targets. And still she still has no time for me even though I helped her. She was friendly at first but stopped replying me once I ran out of money, and reason given was busy. Can’t be that coincident right? I think she is making a weak ass excuse. Also the attitudes of those streamer girls are worse than my real life friends and classmates and I wonder why. Probably they have less education and resort to streaming. What do you guys think is the reason behind this?

[Anonymous]

I don’t say this to hurt or offend, but those students you see chatting back and forth quickly with their friends is exactly that — they’re talking to friends. Maybe even loved ones or whatever. You’ve paid someone for their time, so while yes they are technically upholding their end of the commitment, it’s not a genuine friendship and they may not respond with the same urgency or interest that a friend would. Instead they do just enough to still get paid and not have trouble. All this to say, maybe you should stop paying people and try making friends another way. There are apps out there with specific areas to makes friends, even some dating apps have an option for making friends. Also I would suggest to stop giving the streamer money, she’s clearly using you and I think you can do better for yourself than that.

[Asker]

Thanks for your helpful comment. However, I have known one manger whose job is to manage streamers on the app. She gets paid small amounts by managing them and she has never wanted a gift from me. Still her reply is still slower than that of my classmates, including those I have never seen face to face. How come acquaintances can reply faster than them when streamers are also my acquaintances? Also is it legit or it’s an excuse when 40-50 of those streamers told me that they are busy and couldn’t reply or is it just a lame excuse. But when I questioned them, they told me everyone has their own commitments and can’t reply me that fast. Still I think that is a form of excuse and they would never admit it is, and instead turn back against me saying I am unempathetic of their situation. Also, she told me she is my friend and she supports me when I get bullied, so I paid her. End up she disappeared when I told her I have no money and reason given is that she is busy with school…

[Opinion Owner]

What sort of gift would the manager even be allowed to ask for? I’m not sure what kind of streaming you’re watch, I’m only familiar with video game streams and the gifts available are virtual and go towards goals, like if the goal is 50 giraffes or 18 confetti, etc etc. So if she doesn’t directly profit from that and instead manages the people, I’m not surprised she isn’t asking for gifts. Also, if were you I wouldn’t fall for anything these people say. No matter what, there is still finances that tie you together, not a natural friendship. If there was no money, would they still be your friend? It’s doubtful, since one already left when you said you couldn’t pay. Remember, this is a job for them, you’re a client and the goal is to keep you happy and sending money.

[Asker]

I get your point, however there are times where they treat me as a friend. For example she emphatized with me when I told her I have spent a lot but still didn’t find the right friend. Another streamer said that I am very kind and said those streamers are mean to me. But even if they treat me as a friend, they still reply much slower than some of my acquaintances in school, let alone friends. And every single time when I question them the reason for replying slow, the reason is always that they are busy with school or work. This is making me wonder why if those reasons are true or just a lame excuse to not talk to me

[Asker]

Hey are u there?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I’m still around, just unsure what else of value I can say. I mean you seem pretty convinced that these are friendships you can actually compare to those of your peers, but you seem to disregard that those are connections they genuinely built while yours are paid for.
If a man arranges to have the same escort every Friday, do you think if she really spoke her mind and it cast him in a negative light, that he’d still pay her? No, he’d move on to another woman who makes him feel better about himself. So of course she will please him, listen to him and do what she has to to keep him as a client. I believe the same is happening for you whether you want to believe it or not.
The people or person you paid aren’t your genuine friends and don’t prioritize your conversations in the same way that you do for them, and if this sounds hurtful for you to hear then maybe it’s time to put your money away and meet folks naturally, fluidly in person. I’m not trying to be harsh.

[Asker]

First of all, thanks for crafting out the long reply. But then why am I unaware that they don’t see me as a friend like I do. You mentioned there are other apps to make friends, however it is not as easy as it seems. Many apps are dating apps or you need them to like you back in order to chat. Some apps have many users from overseas and it’s hard to meet them. Others don’t speak my native language Mandarin and their looks don’t appeal to me. I have used a language exchange app called Hellotalk in the past and the people there are deceiving. They mentioned in their profiles stating that they are open to make friends and chit chat. However when I talk to them, they either ignore my messages or ghost me after a few exchanges, which makes me wonder why, especially when they explicitly told me they are my friends. There is one Japanese girl whom I talk to many years back and she was super sweet. She stayed up late at times just to talk to me. But still after a few months, she began to reply slower and eventually ghosted me for no reason. That’s on top of saying she is my friend and she is honoured to be one, reassuring me that she will not leave me. In school, people either have very different personalities from me or that they outcast me just because I am different from others. Hence I turn to making friends online but it didn’t work out for me. Plus I am looking for someone who treasures me and stand by my side and have the same personality as me, while replying me at reasonable speed. So far none of the pen pals meet my criteria except for that Japanese girl, but for her to ghost eventually and hurt my feelings. I have a close secondary school friend and a normal uni friend but that’s about it. I have been outcasted and bullied by guys in school due to the male dominated course. Hence I am turning to other online pen pal apps, but the female streamer there have really bad attitude. Probably because they have little to no education that’s why they are uncultured.

[Asker]

And even though I consider myself an emotional strong person, all the outcasting in school and the shitty attitude from those streamers is affecting me and causing me severe social anxiety, on top of struggling with my studies.

[Asker]

Sometimes I really hope to reach her but I just couldn’t find her details. It’s been years and I am a very loyal person. I can’t seem to forget about her. If she comes back to me, I would ditch all those female streamers and hope I have a chance with her to be my girlfriend. She is the only pen pal that truly treats me well unconditionally. The thing is, no one understands or empathizes what I am going through and instead all those streamers do is to blame me for my situation or not give a damn about my problems, even after paying them.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry to hear about the Japanese girl, I hope you’re able to reconnect with her one day. But as for the female streamers, I just think you’ve gained a very different perspective of the friendships than what they have.
Like wouldn’t you agree that it’s important for them to maintain some level of care in order to uphold their end? What would they profit off otherwise? If they were truly a friend, I’d imagine they’d suggest you stop paying altogether, wouldn’t ask for additional funds for their “goals”, get back to you in a more timely fashion, the list goes on. It’s difficult for me to imagine these penpals doing anything that doesn’t directly ensure their monetary gain in this. You said yourself that they don’t care to empathize or understand what you’re going through, and I think this is something to really pay attention to. Do you think maybe you’re looking for something different than what they’re willing to offer, like a companion? I know in your heart you feel loyal to the Japanese girl, but would you ever consider trying to date someone more accessible and attainable?

[Asker]

Hi, thanks for your encouragement and understanding

[Asker]

And like I said earlier, it isn’t so easy to make friends. At school, people either have varying personalities from me or that they are overly sensitive about things which made me hard to communicate with them. As such I don’t have much friends in school. I consider myself quite emotionally strong but at times when I am down, I would prefer a close friend by my side physically in school. I have one, but he is studying in another campus. That’s why I have largely given up making friends as they have hurt me and wanted to find a partner or a female friend to confide my feelings instead. However as mentioned earlier, this isn’t working out with dating apps or pen pal apps. They either ghost me after a few conversations or didn’t bother to swipe right. It’s also because I am quite picky and I kept swiping left. One thing I couldn’t understand is that there seems to be no possibility that those streamers want to make friends, and there are only there for the money. Initially I thought that she would reciprocate and be grateful when I donate her gifts, but once I ran out of money, the busy excuse came, and it’s used by every single one of them. I have spent so much just to be ghosted or to be scolded by them. Apologies for saying this but at times I really do feel that they are so shallow to the point that they are just one level behind the prostitutes at the brothels. Some have no self respect and kept begging her fans to donate, while others sell their body by uploading their underwear-clad pictures.

[Asker]

I would like to add that I have been in close terms with a female streamer. She is different from the rest as she doesn’t approach me for gifts. However, she mostly replies in her working hours on the app. Reason that she didn’t reply outside of those hours is that again, the same reason — busy with school. I get that everyone is busy but this is just a very weak excuse to give. Just few days back, I wanted her to add me on WeChat as the streaming app has issues receiving messages. But then she said her WeChat also has issues receiving messages, and won’t be adding me. That’s when I get a little irritated and mentioned in her live stream saying how is that so coincidental. Then another female fan scolded me saying I am mental and used vulgarities on me. I reacted back and saying it’s none of her business. I feedback to my streamer friend saying that fan has bad attitude. Instead of supporting me, she asked me to not quarrel in the streaming room. And when I explain that the fan started to quarrel first, she didn’t seem to register and still think it’s my fault. I then told her I won’t be joining her stream due to bad attitudes from fans, and she blocked me. This is the last thing I expect her to do as she is my friend. Just yesterday I used another account to pry into her stream, and I caught her taking a screenshot of me viewing her profile 300 times, and send it to her streamer colleagues, in an attempt to mock me. The other streamer laughed by sending an eating watermelon emoji. I have feedback to the room’s manager and he didn’t side me, instead he thinks I am at fault for messaging her. This is what really pisses me off. And if the Japanese girl forgot about me, I would assume she doesn’t value me as much as I do. So why should I reconcile with her. If she values me, she would have came back.

[Asker]

I have no idea why the steamer is acting like this, but I do think that she values her streamer job and reputation more than our friendship. Since she would rather block me than risk compromising the room’s reputation if I ever quarrel with another fan. This is a perfect example of a fake friend, and not only that she is spiteful, by sending screenshots of my viewer count on her profile to mock me on her stream. Funnily enough, the female fan that scolded me was her friend as they kept exchanging gifts. Her streamer colleagues send that eating watermelon emoji and mocked me alongside with her. I think she has a closer friendship bond with those streamers, and our friendship don’t hold a place in her heart. The thing is I trusted her so much to be betrayed, and for her to not stand on my side, and instead sided with them. I don’t really care what she thinks, but it took me that long to see her true colours. I would have preferred to discover this earlier to save me from emotional pain.

[Asker]

Hi, are u there?

[Opinion Owner]

That sounds like so much drama, why even deal with these people? The eating melon thing really crosses the line into racist bullying tbh. I used to connect with game streamers in my early 20s and left it alone within the year. I honestly think people online have gotten so desensitized that they forget an actual person is on the other end of those exchanges. Sorry you’ve had to go through that, I would go as far as to suggest you drop them as friends completely. It seems they don’t care about you and instead what you can offer. I don't know what exactly they want if they’re the ones agreeing to this pen pal situation but if it’s too much then they shouldn’t do it at all.

[Asker]

I haven’t got the time to decide whether to deal with them or not and she blocked me. The eating watermelon just mean that the other steamer is laughing at how I view her colleague 300 times. Is it true that they are desensitized, that’s why they don’t feel a need to reply fast. They see this friendship as transactional, and once money is not on the table, they go into hiding mode and ghost people. When I called them out for it, almost every single one of them give me the busy excuse. The streamer that blocked me gave me mixed feelings as she has consoled me in the past. She said those streamers are making use of me and taking my gifts for granted, and that they are ungrateful since they gave me attitude. The manager that I mentioned earlier told me she didn’t want to reply me on purpose when I called out her slow response. Reason given is because I kept telling her my friendship problems to her, and that made her feel neglected. Another manager told me she quarreled with a female friend, saying that girls are more spiteful and won’t stop quarreling. She told me guys always reconcile after a fight. I explained to her that it’s not a gender issue, guy and girls can be like that. She told me she is not sure about guys, if she is not sure then why she assumed girls won’t reconcile after a fight. I told her she can’t assume, giving her examples where I met petty guys as well. Then she use the wild card by saying it’s due to a difference in opinion. She said I want her to agree with me, mentioning that things that happen to me don’t necessarily happen to her. She said my attitude has issues, since I tried to knock down her opinions and rebut with mine on her. Another streamer told me she need money, and I said I am broke, telling her that she still has her full time job pay. She told me she doesn’t work anymore and instead only stream. I asked her why she isn’t working and she said she didn’t want to answer, asking me why do I have to ask to the bottom of things.

[Asker]

Another streamer said I tried to debate with her on who should pay on the first date, when I stated that I prefer going dutch. I told her that’s not my intention. This same streamer kept asking me why I kept talking to them as well, she said why I keep donating first to them, and asked me if I will buy her gifts. However she said in the past that it’s voluntary. Since it is not her first time asking this, I got irritated and snapped at her, questioning her purpose of this question. She then asked me to pretend she didn’t ask. I called her out for her attitude, but then she turn the tables and said I vent my frustration with them on her. Another example is one legendary streamer that kept telling me she is busy when I questioned her of slow replies. I really believed what she said. But then one day I asked her if she is really that busy 24/7/365, she then snapped saying she is in Taiwan, telling me that she has already told me that. I said she didn’t, and she said she has told her fans in her stream. Is she self entitled person they thinks everyone watch her stream? The most recent streamer blocked me cuz I kept calling her in a bid to get her to respond faster. Many streamers told me they don’t accept phone calls, and I wonder why. I asked one of them and she told me she isn’t close to me, and that I should respect her by not calling. How does that got to do with respect? The fact that they are replying slow already disrespected me in the first place, so why should I respect them back? Respect is earned not given. Why couldn’t they just admit that they are money faced and shallow? That is precisely the reason why they replied slow since I didn’t send her a lot of money. It’s puzzling cuz no one seems to be streaming to make friends, they all stream to earn, nothing else. That streamer that o led me for calling her wanted me to send her almost USD$500 when I requested her indefinite company to stay by my side in the past. What kind of daylight robbery is that?

[Asker]

I also feedback one incident to a streamer channel. The other streamer snapped at me for wanting her to chat with me frequently. She scolded me for having wishful thinking, explaining that I have nothing to give her in exchange for her constant accompanying, hinting that I need to send her money. I told this to the streamer group, not only they sided with her by saying streamers also have their rights and ego, and that I pissed her off by saying I busy, and unable to see her stream upon her request, in a bid that I might send her gifts. I am just playing tit for tat, she said she is busy and hence I used the same excuse, so what’s with the pissed off and salty attitude? Salty cuz u don’t get monetary gifts? She then said she is also a client where she send gifts to guys, and don’t need to depend me for a living. The streamer group started criticizing me after my 5 min long story explanation. One client responded by asking if I am thirsty and need water, where I told him it’s none of her business. I told them I wanted to report that streamer to the manager and the streamer in that group I confided in told me she don’t like those complain kings, further adding that not all complaints work. I called out the client’s attitude and the streamer defended him, and ask me to be polite. Hypocrite much? When he was the one taunting me in the first place. That streamer that went to Taiwan is arguably the most thicked skinned and shallow streamer. Few months back, a client told her he is deleting the app, she panicked and told him to not leave, saying other streamers will miss him in a coquettishly way. He probably send her a lot of gifts. I misunderstood and thought she like talking to that guy instead of me, since she completely blocked me out when I tried to talk to her, and only focused talking to that guy. I called her out asking why she ignored me, she became defensive and said she didn’t even treat him as a friend like she does to me.

[Asker]

If that’s the case why she disappeared when I ran out of money, only to tell me she was busy? Seriously what is wrong with these people? I honestly think that girls with problematic attitudes prefer to stream online as a convenient source of income, since there are a bunch of simps that are easily duped by their sweet talking. I was once like that, not denying. Either that they are sensitive by thinking I am trying to debate with them, or that they are extremely shallow with no self respect as evident in some of their nude photos. The streamer that scolded me for not offering anything in return for her company, told me I am sensitive. The streamer that blocked me always give me short replies but sympathizing to me for my experiences in the app. I suspect she has the victim blaming mindset like other streamers thinking it was my fault for these disputes, but pretended to agree on the facade of a paid transactional relationship. The streamer that blocked me and mocked me afterwards for viewing her profile countless times has her sister scold me for being mental and used vulgarities on me for expecting her sister to always reply me, saying I kept pestering her with questions like why is her sister not replying. I only realized it was her sister, and of course she would listen to her sister instead of me, thus blocking me. I thought it would end but after prying into her stream with another account, she mocked me with another steamer on viewing her profile countless times. People here are spiteful, angsty and shallow, period. One thing that pisses me the most is when I reported the incident with the general manager the second time, she seems unwilling to help me and just gave me classic replies like she would tell them off and let the group manager know. I approached the group manage only to be misunderstood by saying I am pestering her, hence her sister scolded me. I am not, I know that streamer for months

[Asker]

And anyone would be mad if ur friend kept telling u they can’t contact or reply u due to their laggy messaging apps, with no follow up actions to rectify, only to tell me the same old excuse - updating the app make it worse. I do feel that she doesn’t value my friendships as much as I do, including the other streamers, as evident from her habit to reply me only during her streaming hours. But I got confused with mixed feelings as she has sided me on the disputes I had with other streamers. The thing is I don’t really care what they think, I am here to explain how toxic the app and the streamers are. All these disputes, including the outcasting and victim blaming in school and on the stream, has made me numb. Some snapped at me for asking them things like what u doing, as if being curious or concern is wrong. They are just too angsty and hypersensitive, and their attitude is the result of their lack of control over their emotions. The app is toxic as they pair clients with streamers, and not clients with the opposite gender, in order to encourage u to spend on them, in turn generating app revenue. Thus u almost get no opportunity to mix with female clients that are genuinely out there for friendship or partner. And u told me that there are apps to make friends, but unfortunately most of those people does not meet my criteria, like race, attitude and location, which is incompatible and inconvenient.

[Asker]

My apologies for the long rant, I just want to get this thing off my chest and voice out. I said before that I am quite emotionally stable and strong, but I also have a limit, and am very emotionally tired and hurt after such repeated episodes of disputes. I am considering to see a psychologist to assist me in dealing with such people and the issues along with it. Unless u got an app that u can recommend or else I will be alone in school, with only one normal friend. Such difference in personalities and overly sensitive and angsty behaviour from my classmates resulted in two disputes and quarrels that led to us falling out. Thus I will be flying alone for my overseas immersion programme in the UK. I know it’s a bit sad but I don’t want anyone to pity me. I don’t mind being alone if their attitude is bad and no one suits me.

[Asker]

Hi, are u available?

[Asker]

Hello

[Asker]

Hello pls respond

[Asker]

Hello?

[Asker]

Oi respond