Could you decieve or lie to someone you genuinely love?

[Anonymous]

Or would the guilt be too overwhelming?

[Canuck37]

I'm pretty sure the average guy has absolutely no problem lying or deceiving the love of their life, on one specific topic:

The dirty thoughts in their head.

Guys believe it would kill their significant other if they were truly honest about how incredibly dirty their thoughts are, both about their significant other and about random women they pass by on the street. Guys believe they need to restrain their sexuality around a woman of worth, because they don't want to see something that pure become degraded by their unrestrained sexuality. Guys find that many of their sexual fantasies they keep revisiting are disgusting even to them, and would never want it to become reality.

So, they filter their sexual thoughts, only let a few of them out as trial balloons to see how their girl reacts, and if she reacts negatively he'll keep the rest of them hidden away.

Why? To protect her. To protect her from his malevolent sexuality. To protect her feelings from being hurt because his monogamy in action isn't matched by monogamy in thought. To protect her self-worth so that she still thinks she's good enough for him--because she actually is, he simply believes that he's not good enough for her.

So yes, there are certain things guys will lie about, even to their soulmate. But they're able to compartmentalize, and they won't allow this to impact their honesty about other things.

[Asker]

"and about random women they pass by on the street" ugh you just summarised everything I hate about men and especially men in relationships. Is one woman not enough to satisfy their sexual appetite?

[Asker]

What kind of dirty thoughts are we talking?
"Guys find that many of their sexual fantasies they keep revisiting are disgusting even to them, and would never want it to become reality." You make those type of thoughts sound inhumane like incestuous or beastiality

I'm sure if you find a woman who's just as sexual as you are, you won't need to protect her from your malovent sexuality... because hers will be as insatiable as yours. You made it sound scary.

[Canuck37]

I think it's more complicated than that.

Philosophers have referred to the conflict between the head and the heart; the animal self and the logical self. Paul in the Bible referred to it as the flesh and the spirit; Freud called it the id and the superego.

People are forever conflicting between these two selves, but for some people they lean more towards their animal desires, whereas other people tightly control their animal desires with their higher self. (Most people control their animal desires to some extent, otherwise they'd be in prison.)

Now here's the thing: sex is essentially an animal desire. For men, one woman is not enough to satisfy their animal desires, because if the animal desires were ever completely unshackled they'd be having sex every time their refractory period came off of cooldown. But one woman is enough to satisfy their rational self. And the rational self has the power to decide that it is more important than the basal self, and that it is in control.

I'd go so far as to say that the rational self is the person that you are dating, for most people. And if you have the heart of a rational man, then you'll be enough for his spirit, and he'll allow you to satisfy his animal self in controlled spurts, while keeping it locked away in the back of the closet the rest of the time, where even he doesn't want to see it.

[DermalPunch]

So you don't have rando thoughts about dides. I guaranteed you, à guy would be way more pissed. And don't be so naïve, of course he is thinking about rando womennon the street. If you are fortunate, he will come and act them out with you!! Women need to chill

[DermalPunch]

I'm sure if you find a woman who's just as sexual as you are, you won't need to protect her from your malovent sexuality... because hers will be as insatiable as yours. You made it sound scary.

❤️❤️❤️

[nexiside]

nice stuff there, thanks for the post

[Sasha0426]

@DermalPunch We need to chill but yet, we’re expected to stay faithful and only have sexual thoughts about our partner while men can do whatever the fuck they want.

[Sasha0426]

@Canuck37 Question, should we women propose an open relationship just so our man can fill his desires of wanting to fuck other women? I mean, if that’s what it takes to keep him and not cheat, I’ll do it.

[DermalPunch]

@Sasha0426 ummm. Where did you get that from?

[Canuck37]

@Sasha0426 No, you shouldn't. There's a big difference between the desires of the flesh and the desires of the spirit. If he is a man of spirit, then it doesn't matter what his flesh wants, he's not going to cheat. If he is a man of flesh, then maybe.

[Blueeyes81]

All the people saying never made me think of a conversation I had with a female friend a few years back. It was about lying in a relationship. I said it was ok sometimes if it was little white lies that were said with good intentions. She was admit that lying was never ok in a relationship. About 6 months later she says to me " Do remember our conversation about lying? You were right." I gave het a puzzled looked and asked why. She said "Its because of my cooking. I always go out of my way to fix him his favorite foods. Then ask how was it and he always says something like, it was alright not as good as my moms or it had to much salt. Just once I want him to say it was good. Thanks for making it. Even if he didn't mean it."

100% truth. No body wants that. It sounds good on paper but in practice it can lead to resentment. I'm not saying lying is good but most of us couldn't handle the truth all of the time. Watch the movie- The Invention of Lying- to grasp about how awful always being told the truth would be. Its brutal.

[jennifer_bloom]

I believe honesty is a duty to God and not a duty to somebody simply because you love them or don't love them. I'm honest to people who won't lie to me or punish me for telling the truth, even if I don't like them or hate them. I've lied to doctors before because I know they are liars themselves and will force me on medications that could kill me if they think they can prove I need it. I know at least 2 that will kill for money.

[Sasha0426]

I can’t imagine myself being that cruel to someone who showed me nothing but love. Anyone who does that is a piece of shit. Like, why would you purposely go out of your way to hurt them? And what would you gain from doing so?

[blueonblack22]

Women claim they hate liars as much as men do. However I’ve seen too many male liars get their foot in the door with women and be forgiven later. Its about that “good feeling” the liar creates for the woman. And women often make bad decisions based on emotions.

Personally I’ve never been a good liar so I don’t even try. However I have gotten more cautious about what personal details I volunteer to women early in the dating process. Not spilling my guts and volunteering information that’s bad for optics isn’t “lying”. That doesn’t mean I would lie if I was directly asked about it.

However it was very depressing and frustrating seeing so many guys lie their ass’s off to get laid and all the way up to long term (obviously tumultuous) relationships.

“Men fall in love with what they see and women fall in love with what they hear. That’s why women wear make up and men lie.”

- Jordan Peterson

[WanderingLoveWizard]

The only time I lied to the girl I loved (when I really loved her) was to protect her.
I do regret it though, because I was overbearing and should have supported her ideas instead of talking her out of them to keep her safe
I fucked up every step of the way with her and now she's gone. Truth and trust are vital to any relationship. Unfortunately I learned that too late

(Sorry, I'm journaling. I'll stop)

[ImalwaysrightOK]

I could never. I have much of a guilty conscience and couldn't live with myself if I intentionally hurt someone I love. Maybe that makes me weak, but it's how it is.

[TomMarks]

I wouldn’t lie to a girl I really love. I wouldn’t do anything that would hurt her. I’ve been in the position of being lied to by the girl I love, and wouldn’t not want to do that to her (whom ever she is when I find her.)

[virtualwasp]

Well I guess so. If someone asks if you are ok and you say yea, but not feeling great it's a lie.

[thatshydork]

Depends on what it’s about. Like if it’s just on whether or not I liked their food, yeah I could lie to them. Cheating on the other hand, no.

[SolitarySolace]

Yup. I’ve been lied to by all 4 women I’ve had relationships with and thought to have genuinely loved me. None of them did because they all cheated.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Damn I'm sorry bro. Fucking hos

[gothbxtch]

no, i’m a horrible liar and i wouldn’t want to anyway

[Agape93]

Only if it was to protect them. Otherwise, no, I wouldn't.

[KostasKouvalis]

Probably not. Maybe only if I did something that risked losing them, and even then I would feel guilty

[cosmosis181]

I don't know. I don't love anyone, and never will. That's about the biggest mistake any Westerner can POSSIBLY make nowadays... better them than me.😏

[Raaj4you]

No, I would never deceive anyone in my life. But small issues, mistakes, errors, lies doesn't matter in any type of relationship. We are humans not machines and we all have flaws.

[ConspiracyTheorist]

Yeah I can't lie to a woman I love but then again I try not lying to anybody

[TooHot2Care]

No, I would never do such a thing. I assure you, I am pure.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure everyone here had no problem lying to their beloved parents

[Lynx122]

No I don't do that to anyone really.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am a very bad liar.

[exitseven]

No, after a while I would feel guilty.

[jahaims]

You aren't in love if you can do that

[Nominal]

Absolutely i could Lie.

[BLP11520]

No and if I did it would hurt me

[monghjay2]

god is true and everyone is a liar so yes