Is it even worth sacrificing too much for just a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

For instance, should we ever put him always in first place? What about my 3 female childhood friends whom obviously I've known much longer than him?

Must a boyfriend be invited to every single reunion?

Or if I got into an argument with a boyfriend but my friends or family organized a vacation and boyfriend won't go, does it mean I gotta choose him over them and not go?

Seems too much for just a boyfriend that can dump me any time, any moment the going gets though.

Updates

9 mo

I think if he's just a boyfriend, my family and close friends come first.

[Anonymous]

Your lack of faith in your boyfriend that you think he may leave explains your attitude. And it's somewhat unfair.
How would you behave if you knew for a fact he would be there for you until your dying breath?
A long term committed partner is part of your identity and may determine your future prosperity and happiness.
Hoqever he does not need to be at every single event. The two of you get to negotiate that but I'd expect him being there is the default.
If however you're talking about a short term play mate, well that's quite different.

[DextroShade]

You need to put your man ahead of your girlfriends or traveling. You should also know that men rarely initiate breakups or divorces. At your age you are about to enter No man's land where your options for serious relationships will get worse and worse so you need to decide now if you will submit to a man or buy a dog and die alone.

[Asker]

I can understand putting a husband (the one I'm sharing assets, health insurance, adding him as the person making medical decisions for me, etc) first, even choosing him over my parents if it gets to that point but for just a boyfriend whom a woman has been dating for years and years?

[DextroShade]

If you ever want to be a wife that is what you must do.

[Asker]

You know there is such a thing as doing wifey services at the price of eternal girlfriend? What if I end up letting him move in with me (I actually have my own assets and property too) and end up doing too much for years and years, acting like a wife and he never proposes?

[Asker]

I've seen a couple of my other friends stuck at that position (two of them even helped a man financially with money too) for 4+ years and they never even got to fiance stage.

[DextroShade]

You need to make sure that a man is marriage minded before you get into a relationship with him.

[Asker]

Isn't there a point where it's too much for a boyfriend?

[Asker]

If that was easy then many of us would've already gotten proposed to. One friend actually had an early conversation about her goals and wants, even placed a timeframe. The guy told her he also wanted marriage and kids. He still lied about it. Yes there are liars too.

[CubsterShura]

Not worth it!! It is essential for everyone involved in a relationship to have a functional and fulfilling life independent of their partners. My boyfriend goes on long drives and trips with his friends only and I'm not part of it. I'm hanging out with my friends and going to events and he's not there with me all the time, and that's fine. I personally have more free time than he does now so I've been getting involved in a lot of activities and he simply doesn't have the free time to join me in everything.

[Asker]

That's how it should be.

[Anonymous]

No you don't have to invite them to everything. You also don't have to sacrifice everything for him either. If you do, it will likely mentally and emotionally bring you down, and you could even possibly end up feeling alone and isolated. A boyfriend is not your husband.

[Asker]

Exactly. I don't even share my house (never did) with a boyfriend. I've seen this happened with a couple of other friends. They moved in with their so called man and break up later on, all for nothing. We need to stop idolizing bfs. That's what they are, just bfs that come and go.

[boggboss]

That depends on what u are looking for when it comes to having a boyfriend surly no u shouldn't sacrifice everything for them but that goes the same for any type of exclusive relationship including if ubwas married I would say their is a level of sacrifice otherwise their is no difference from being single

[Asker]

If I were married that's different. He would be of great importance too since he's considered a family too.
I've seen too many girls idolizing a boyfriend too much, treating him as if he was their life partner they'll forever stay with, shares a house with them, too much invested for just a boyfriend. Then that boyfriend those girls idolize so much, keeps the relationship going on and on for years but never proposes, lol.

[Asker]

A husband at least Is someone I would share assets with, share a health insurance, have a child with... much more than just sharing emotions and words.

[boggboss]

But a boyfriend is the precursor to being a husband no I treat my girlfriend now how I would treat her if she was my wife because I want to be with her I never got treating a partner like they was simply replacable because if I felt that way why would we even be together why not just keep them as a date

[Asker]

It's a precusor but I still wouldn't feel safe being with a boyfriend for 6+ years and just at boyfriend and girlfriend.

[boggboss]

Fair enough I just don't see why u would be with someone for that long and not be pretty serious about them be it married or not but fair enough I understand the value I put on being in a relationship is not the same thats others put on it just dono why people would waste that much time together and still think it's somthing that can be thrown away because their is no ring

[boggboss]

Like just out of curiosity why or how would u get a guy to want to marry u if u would only value him once he is married surly that's not treating him in a way he would want from a wife

[Anonymous]

see, this never came up with me and my partner. it's a little weird reading this from a different perspective... if i wanted to hang out with friends, it will be obvious that my partner is coming. it's the same with my friend's partners.

if we got into an argument, we solve it. and then go on the vacation so we can forget about it.

i guess what i'm thinking is i don't think you've been with him long enough so that's why you're asking yourself these things.

[Asker]

I just feel we shouldn't be acting like a wife nor treating him as a life partner is he's just a boyfriend (the very name says it, just a boyfriend) and can break up any moment and everything would be for nothing.
I had a friend that even helped her then boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) financially with money, they lived together for years and it all ends in a break-up; she never got her proposal she was waiting for.

[Opinion Owner]

that also happens in divorce too. there's no guarantee, even with a marriage.

[anonguy2000]

I think it depends on if he is worth sacrificing for. Only you know that. Is he loyal, hardworking, and would be a great dad to your kids and provide for his family? They are very rare... Or is he just a rando that you met and you don't see a real future with him? curious why you have to choose your old fri3nds over him though? Are they guy friends or girl fri3nds from back in the day?

[anonguy2000]

Nevermind. Just saw you said female fri3nds... weird he has a problem with you hanging out with them but I don't know the whole situation

[RealMarek]

Ideally, you and your boyfriend will put each other first and want to be a part of each other’s families. If that happens, your boyfriend would attend a family gathering even if he’s upset with you about something. Also, both of you would allow each other to spend some time with friends. If there is a lot of drama and frustration in your relationship, it’s time to assess whether you are compatible.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Your view on how unimportant an SO is will doom you to staying single for life.

Yes, your siginficant other should always be your top priority, so long as they do the same. If you can't do that, then yes, for you its not worth it, and for him you're not worth it.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you but you have to prioritize him when you can too. If he loves you he’ll understand that he doesn’t always come first.

[sunflower00]

I mean I don’t think you should sacrifice everything for a boyfriend but for me my boyfriend is absolutely a priority. We have been together almost 4 years and I can see myself marrying him

[madhatters4]

"Too Much" are the operative words

no you shouldn't sacrifice TOO MUCH for almost anything

[Asker]

This basically. Anything done in excessive sounds unhealthy. A boyfriend shouldn't be the only single person a woman spends her energy and time with, shouldn't be the only thing a woman dedicates on.

[serious_miss419]

Never ever sacrifice anything for a man.
A good man will help you accomplish things & wouldn’t ever want you to sacrifice.

[JackCarter]

I feel he/she is not worth a sacrifice if they constantly pressurize you to make sacrifices for them!

[ProbablyClueless]

I would recommend just having boundaries with people. Invite your boyfriend when you want to invite him. Tell your family/friends to get lost when it's appropriate.

[BCA6010]

I think that depends heavily on how serious the two of you are about going further than just dating.

[richardcory]

If you feel like you need to "sacrifice" for him, he is not a good match for you.

[sheikalana]

You should not always put your partner in first place but he should be one of your priorities.

[chilldude33]

I don't think you should be sacrificing anything or invite him anywhere. Each should have their own personal space.

[Asker]

This exactly. The reason I posted is because I've seen how other women act. They shares a house with those bfs, distanced themselves with their friends and family who are there for life, invest too much feelings and treat that boyfriend as if he was a life partner... when he's just a boyfriend, a temporary person, nothing else.
Meanwhile those women get the shock of their lives when all that eventually ends in a break-up, lol.

[chilldude33]

I mean it's fine to live together and go out with your friends or visit a family event without him

[Anonymous]

You should always compromise to an extent. A relationship is a commitment to each other. There are boundaries though. Once it starts getting serious then the real sacrifices come in in my opinion.

[REX_JSWL]

You said "just" a boyfriend well your question is your answer

[shades777]

sounds like your not comfortable having him in your life or showing him off

[EaterPeter]

There may be no such thing and there may be