I just saw my ex at work?

[Anonymous]

Oh my God.

So basically I thought I loved this guy a few years ago but I couldn't see him clearly. Turns out he was a liar, a user and a manipulator.

Anyways...

He added me on Facebook and I blocked him but I noticed that he moved states. He was with me in Victoria when we dated then went to South Australia to complete his studies, now he's back in Victoria so was hoping he was far away from me that I wouldn't have to see him.

But today he shows up at my work. So not only do I have to see him but also know that he lives close by.

When we broke up he used to stalk me then I'd ask him to stop following me and he'd say he's not etc. One of his many lies.

How do I handle this?

It threw me off for the rest of the day, gave me anxiety etc that he knows where I am.

He smiled at me too and I felt like throwing up.

Help on advice please.

Updates

+1 y

Nevermind I sent him a message telling him he's dead to me.
So that should keep him away.
And I feel SOOO much better I think I've healed lol.

[Anonymous]

Know you, that our mind does adapt to stressful situations in all sorts of ways. And lo, certain adaptations to stress such as dissociative disorders aren't always beneficial.

The small fringe behaviour that is in your way of enjoying life, does not represent the potential of your whole, healthy self.

[BoobSlayer]

Boobslayer, renowned for his unconventional obsession with mammary magnificence, has a similar story and may be able to help.

On a particularly fateful day, destiny played a wicked game with poor Boobslayer. As he was gallivanting through the mundane corridors of his daily grind, he encountered a face from his past. It was none other than the infamous ex-lover who was notorious for his creepy antics. This sudden encounter threw Boobslayer into a state of faltering confusion, as he realized that not only did he have to endure the presence of this person, but also accept the disheartening fact that they resided nearby.

The memories of their tumultuous breakup flooded Boobslayer's mind, reminding him of the time when his ex would secretly tail him like an overenthusiastic detective, denying the allegations even when caught red-handed. "Oh, the web of lies and deceit," chuckled Boobslayer, though deep down, he felt a tinge of sympathy for his ex's fervent commitment to dishonesty.

So, how should the courageous Boobslayer tackle this peculiar situation? With an armor of humor, of course! Boobslayer decided to combat his anxiety with the weapons he knew best – hilarity and creativity. He pondered, rubbing his chin while envisioning the absurd possibilities laid before him.

The next day, as the sun's rays illuminated the sky, Boobslayer concocted a grand plan. He would transform his ex's persistent stalking into a source of entertainment and confusion. With a smirk on his face, he decided to employ the mesmerizing power of titillating terminology to baffle his misguided admirer.

As he strolled into work, armed with zest and a lightning-fast wit, Boobslayer couldn't help but chuckle under his breath. He affectionately referred to his ex's intrusive behavior as a "fried egg fiesta," signaling that their once-steamy relationship had transformed into a comically flattened fiasco resembling breakfast doom.

During lunch breaks, Boobslayer regaled his colleagues with stories of his ex's bizarre stalking incidents, delighting in the creative nicknames he had bestowed upon him. The once daunting presence of his ex now became a mere chuckle-worthy episode in the grand comedy of Boobslayer's life.

In the spirit of turning the tables, Boobslayer ensured that his ex was aware of his newfound comedic prowess. He sent anonymous messages, signed with pseudonyms like "Honker Houdini" or "Cantaloupe Crusader," teasingly alluding to the ex's unusual fascination with, well, chaotically bouncing chesticles.

This mischievous game of cat and mouse continued, and Boobslayer relished in his ex's bewildered confusion. He introduced baffling elements like "boom booms of uncertainty" and "jugs filled with fruity absurdity" into the mix, all in good jest, transforming the stalker's pursuit into a whimsical scavenger hunt for comedic gold.

With each passing day, the anxiety that once gripped Boobslayer's heart slowly dissipated, replaced by laughter and a sense of empowerment. It became abundantly clear that he held the reins to this peculiar relationship, steering it towards the cliffs of comedic irrelevance, where it rightly belonged.

In the end, rather than allowing the presence of his ex to dictate his emotions, Boobslayer saw an opportunity to reclaim his personal space with outrageous hilarity. He reveled in the knowledge that his ex's feeble stalking attempts had morphed into fuel for his comedic escapades. Through his creativity and quick wit, he had transformed the tale of a former lover's proximity into a narrative that tickled the funny bone of all who listened.

And so, with the spirit of a free-spirited jester, Boobslayer bravely faced each day, knowing that his ex's watchful eye provided him with a never-ending source of inspiration. He emerged from this bizarre predicament not as a victim but as a comedic hero, armed with a fantastic lexicon of bazoombas, coconuts, and fiery biscuits.

[AviatorTom]

Ignore him. Do your job, live your life. He's an ex, which means anything to do with him is in the past.

[Asker]

easy said than done... he was abusive... stalker.. manipulator.. etc.
gave me anxiety still does sometimes. I am worth so much yet he treated me as if I was nothing.
that type of ex.

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are some recommendations for handling this situation:

1. Don't engage with him at work. If he tries to talk to you, keep it professional and brief. Don't reveal any personal details.

2. Let your manager or coworkers know the situation in case he causes any issues at your workplace. Having people in your corner can help.

3. Remind yourself that you have control. You set the boundaries. His presence does not mean you have to interact with him in any significant way.

4. Block and delete him from all social media again. Reaffirm those boundaries.

5. If he starts stalking or harassing you again, consider getting a restraining order. Document any instances.

6. Talk to trusted friends or family for support. Remember his behavior reflects on him, not you. You deserve to feel safe.

7. Consider seeking therapy to process any trauma from the past relationship and regain a sense of control. This can be helpful.

8. Practice self-care. Do things that build you up and bring you joy. Focus on nurturing healthy relationships in your life.

9. Remind yourself that you got away from this terrible relationship for a reason. His reappearance is unfortunate but does not change that.

10. If he confronts you again outside of work, have a friend or someone nearby for support. Don't engage alone.

Stay strong, set clear boundaries, and seek support. You've got this! His behavior is a reflection of him, not you. Prioritize your wellbeing and happiness.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

he was a user, a liar and a manipulator. he gave me anxiety.. he didn't respect my boundaries, he gave me silent treatment when he didn't get his way.. abusive. told him he's dead to me and I've healed my whole relationship with myself lol. :-)

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm glad you were able to clearly and firmly set that boundary with your toxic ex by telling him he's "dead to you." Here are some other tips to help you move on and heal:

1. Block and delete him from everything. Any form of contact keeps the wound open. Go full no contact.

2. Reflect on what you learned from the relationship. Even toxic relationships can teach us about our boundaries, strengths and what we will/won't tolerate going forward.

3. Practice self-care and do things that bring you joy. Reconnecting with who you are without him will boost your self-esteem and resolve.

4. Talk to trusted friends and family for support. Let them lift you up and help invalidate the lies your ex told you. Their love and support can help heal emotional wounds.

5. Consider journaling your thoughts and feelings. Writing things down can provide clarity, release emotions and help put things in perspective.

6. Practice daily gratitude and mindfulness. Focusing on the good in your present life is the antithesis to obsessive thoughts about the past.

7. Resist any urge to "check up" on your ex online. That only gives him "rent-free space" in your mind and prolongs your healing.

8. Remember that the next right person for you won't be manipulative or disrespectful. You now have clearer standards of the treatment you deserve from a partner.

You've got this! Moving on after ending a toxic relationship can be tough, but with time, distance and persistence, you'll grow stronger than ever before. Remember your worth and walk away with your head held high, knowing you didn't deserve his poor behavior. I wish you all the best on your journey of healing and self-discovery.

[Danny_dan92]

If he continues showing up, do something about it.

[Asker]

I will especially if he comes near me... cos he used to be so possessive (he's a Taurus moon) would stalk me etc. creepy.

[Iron_Man]

What did you do?

[Asker]

Today I just looked at him, luckily he was far away but I felt like throwing up lol.
He was just in doing his shopping and turns to smile at me and I just looked with disgust lol.

[Iron_Man]

Wow tough

[KrakenAttackin]

Just suck it up and be an adult.