Why does my ex show up at my job after ghosting me?

[Anonymous]

My (34F) ex (32M) keeps showing up at my job. I've asked him to give me space and to not come to where I work.

I work at a popular place with plenty of other locations close by and it bothers me that he feels the need to come specifically to where I work. We briefly entertained getting back together for a time last year (we initially broke up maybe 10+ years ago) and he made strong advances before ghosting me and I think getting back with a different ex. When I initially asked him to stop coming by, he tried some emotionally manipulative tactics related to a family member's illness.

My employer is supportive of me and will ask him to leave if he comes up again. I'm not interested, don't want him back, and want to be left alone. I feel that it's disrespectful that he shows up, especially after I have asked him to give me my space.

What I don't understand is why he feels the need to continue doing this. Is he just being a creep or what?

[Almostoverit]

It's clear that you do not want his attention, so my only question is why do his motivations for doing so matter? While I get that it makes you uncomfortable, I feel that giving it more attention by saying you don't want to see him at your work will only present a challenge to him, or give him a sense that his presence has an effect on you. The less you care about his showing up and his motivation for doing so, the less likely he is to show up. And then at that point why would it matter at all? He'll just become another blur in the crowd of people that move around you.

[Asker]

I tried ignoring him before and he came up more often until I asked him to not come to my work. He backed off for a bit and is starting it again.

I would never do anything like this to him.

I was hurt because he initially ghosted without any reason or heads up and I've gone through a lot since then. (The worst of it being a parent getting diagnosed with stage IV cancer.) I'm resentful that he feels entitled to my space and my service when he literally can get the same product and avoid me not even 2 minutes down the road. I'm angry because I want to be left alone.

I've been dating others, doing well in my career, up for advancement. I hate the idea of having to transfer from a place I adore or getting a new job to get away from him. I don't know what part of "don't come to my job" is hard to understand.

[Almostoverit]

By responding to his patronage, you are giving what he wants. Unless you feel unsafe, there is little point to giving it attention. Ignore him and focus on your work and eventually he will get the hint and move on.

[crazy8000]

What exactly do you work with?
If it's some public place like shop, food, entertainment, gym you have to accept he is a costumer.