Is this a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Is it a bad thing that I’m kinda getting obsessed with this guy I haven’t talk to in 3 years. I haven’t seen him since my birthday but I can’t stop thinking about him. Every thing reminds me of him. When I see him sometimes he will make it obvious that him was looking at me and sometimes he doesn’t. Years ago he made it obvious that he had a thing for me. Do you think he still wants to get to know me? I’m kinda of shy especially around me. I believe I’m putting out a I don’t like you or leave me alone vibe that’s why he always disappears for awhile. He has been doing that whenever I has something to do with me. I’ve been noticing his patterns recently. We have a mutual friend but I’m afraid to ask her how he’s doing 😥. please help me.

[Anonymous]

Obsessing over someone you don't really know and haven't spoken to in 3 years is generally not a healthy thing. Here are some things to consider:

• Fixating on someone to this degree, based only on minor interactions from years ago, is unlikely to lead to anything meaningful. You don't really know this person or if you'd be compatible.

• Your obsession seems rooted more in fantasy and projection than reality. You're attributing a lot of significance to fleeting looks and vague impressions, which is not a solid foundation for a connection.

• The guy's behavior - disappearing for long periods, being hot and cold - suggests he's not that interested in getting to know you. If he was, he likely would have approached you by now or made more of an effort.

• Your mutual friend is probably your best way to get clarity on whether this guy actually wants to pursue anything. But approaching her comes with the risk of realizing he's not that interested after all, which may crush your fantasies.

• Overall, focusing your energy on someone unattainable is distracting you from meeting people who genuinely like you and want to get to know you. You deserve better than sporadic attention from this guy.

My advice would be to try distancing yourself from these obsessive thoughts. Remind yourself that you don't really know him and that fantasizing too much can be unhealthy. Try to redirect your energy into activities that make you feel good and meet new people.

And if you do want clarity, talk to your mutual friend - just be prepared for a potentially disappointing answer. The sooner you get an honest reality check, the sooner you can move on and open yourself up to more meaningful connections.

Hope this perspective provides some helpful insight! Let me know if you have any other questions.

Obsessing over someone you don't really know and haven't spoken to in 3 years is generally not a healthy thing. Here are some things to consider:

• Fixating on someone to this degree, based only on minor interactions from years ago, is unlikely to lead to anything meaningful. You don't really know this person or if you'd be compatible.

• Your obsession seems rooted more in fantasy and projection than reality. You're attributing a lot of significance to fleeting looks and vague impressions, which is not a solid foundation for a connection.

• The guy's behavior - disappearing for long periods, being hot and cold - suggests he's not that interested in getting to know you. If he was, he likely would have approached you by now or made more of an effort.

• Your mutual friend is probably your best way to get clarity on whether this guy actually wants to pursue anything. But approaching her comes with the risk of realizing he's not that interested after all, which may crush your fantasies.

• Overall, focusing your energy on someone unattainable is distracting you from meeting people who genuinely like you and want to get to know you. You deserve better than sporadic attention from this guy.

My advice would be to try distancing yourself from these obsessive thoughts. Remind yourself that you don't really know him and that fantasizing too much can be unhealthy. Try to redirect your energy into activities that make you feel good and meet new people.

And if you do want clarity, talk to your mutual friend - just be prepared for a potentially disappointing answer. The sooner you get an honest reality check, the sooner you can move on and open yourself up to more meaningful connections.

Hope this perspective provides some helpful insight! Let me know if you have any other questions.

Obsessing over someone you don't really know and haven't spoken to in 3 years is generally not a healthy thing. Here are some things to consider:

• Fixating on someone to this degree, based only on minor interactions from years ago, is unlikely to lead to anything meaningful. You don't really know this person or if you'd be compatible.

• Your obsession seems rooted more in fantasy and projection than reality. You're attributing a lot of significance to fleeting looks and vague impressions, which is not a solid foundation for a connection.

• The guy's behavior - disappearing for long periods, being hot and cold - suggests he's not that interested in getting to know you. If he was, he likely would have approached you by now or made more of an effort.

• Your mutual friend is probably your best way to get clarity on whether this guy actually wants to pursue anything. But approaching her comes with the risk of realizing he's not that interested after all, which may crush your fantasies.

• Overall, focusing your energy on someone unattainable is distracting you from meeting people who genuinely like you and want to get to know you. You deserve better than sporadic attention from this guy.

My advice would be to try distancing yourself from these obsessive thoughts. Remind yourself that you don't really know him and that fantasizing too much can be unhealthy. Try to redirect your energy into activities that make you feel good and meet new people.

And if you do want clarity, talk to your mutual friend - just be prepared for a potentially disappointing answer. The sooner you get an honest reality check, the sooner you can move on and open yourself up to more meaningful connections.

Hope this perspective provides some helpful insight! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

You just copied what the other guy said 🤦‍♀️

[Oliverlogan263]

Obsessing over someone you don't really know and haven't spoken to in 3 years is generally not a healthy thing. Here are some things to consider:

• Fixating on someone to this degree, based only on minor interactions from years ago, is unlikely to lead to anything meaningful. You don't really know this person or if you'd be compatible.

• Your obsession seems rooted more in fantasy and projection than reality. You're attributing a lot of significance to fleeting looks and vague impressions, which is not a solid foundation for a connection.

• The guy's behavior - disappearing for long periods, being hot and cold - suggests he's not that interested in getting to know you. If he was, he likely would have approached you by now or made more of an effort.

• Your mutual friend is probably your best way to get clarity on whether this guy actually wants to pursue anything. But approaching her comes with the risk of realizing he's not that interested after all, which may crush your fantasies.

• Overall, focusing your energy on someone unattainable is distracting you from meeting people who genuinely like you and want to get to know you. You deserve better than sporadic attention from this guy.

My advice would be to try distancing yourself from these obsessive thoughts. Remind yourself that you don't really know him and that fantasizing too much can be unhealthy. Try to redirect your energy into activities that make you feel good and meet new people.

And if you do want clarity, talk to your mutual friend - just be prepared for a potentially disappointing answer. The sooner you get an honest reality check, the sooner you can move on and open yourself up to more meaningful connections.

Hope this perspective provides some helpful insight! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

I know it’s not healthy for me. There is way more to the story tho. He did try approaching me a couple of times it’s just me being anxious and a bad communicator 🥺. I guess he is just afraid to embarrass himself. His parents knew about him liking me before me knowing he did like me. He never said it to my face.

[Asker]

He just makes my anxiety level go 📈.

[Oliverlogan263]

It sounds like this situation is causing you a lot of anxiety and overthinking. Here are some recommendations:

• Take a step back. Reflect on whether obsessing over this is actually benefiting you in any way, or just causing stress.

• Consider reaching out to him directly to get clarity. A simple "Hi, how have you been?" message may open the door for an actual conversation where you can gauge his interest level and intentions.

• If you do reach out, keep it light and casual. Don't unload all your anxious overthinking right away. Ease into an actual conversation first to see where he's at.

• Be prepared for the possibility that he may not respond, or may not be interested in pursuing anything. Try to go into it with no expectations. Just see what happens.

• In the meantime, focus on managing your anxiety in healthy ways. Practice self-care, get outside more, talk to other friends, pick up a new hobby, etc. Distract your mind from obsessive thoughts.

• Consider talking to a therapist if the anxiety becomes overwhelming. They can give you tools to manage intrusive thoughts and worry around this situation.

• Remember your own self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who actively chooses you and pursues you with clarity and confidence. Don't waste time pining over someone's vague signals.

In summary, I'd recommend either taking the small step of simply reaching out to gauge interest, or trying to shift your focus elsewhere for now through distraction and self-care. But remember that you deserve clarity, communication and confidence from any partner.

[Changiis07]

Just ask! It never hurts to just ask instead of wondering

[Anonymous]

Falling in love is a good thing unless you plan to stay single forever.ﾠ