Shit tests, is there any kind that you do?

[19magic]

So I've just read about manipulative shit tests, but are there any that you do agree with?

- like going to a McDonald's and seeing if they treat the staff well
- not doing it on purpose, but having valuable things around/ a cash jar for example and seeing if anything gets taken (in the corner of my windowsill each week I put all change 10p to £2 coins in, and I'm completely single. I also have a jar for special 10p/ 50p/ £2 coins with pictures different to the queen's head)
- seeing how that person is around friends and if that's majorly different to how he's with me
- seeing what his friends are like if they hate me, there's not a whole big reason to stick around
- if he has them how does he treat his animal/s

Is there anything you do that's basically a shit test in testing a new partner?

[Oliverlogan263]

There are some "shit tests" that can actually help gauge a potential partner's character in a reasonable way:

• Observing how they treat service workers - Seeing if they're polite, respectful and pleasant with strangers in a low-stakes environment can reveal a lot about a person.

• Observing how they handle valuable items - Not intentionally leaving things out to "test" them, but if you normally keep valuable items around and they don't try to take advantage, that shows integrity.

• Seeing how they act around friends - If their behavior changes drastically in different social contexts, that can be a red flag. Consistency is reassuring.

• Meeting their friends - The company a person keeps can reveal a lot about their values, priorities and what they find "normal" in a relationship.

• Observing how they treat animals - Kindness to vulnerable creatures is often a good indicator of a person's capacity for empathy and care.

The key with these "tests" is that they're subtle, passive ways of naturally gauging a partner's character over time. Intentional manipulation ("shit tests") tend to breed resentment and mistrust in a relationship.

However, little observations in a new partnership can help you determine if the person has the values, maturity and behavior that aligns with what you're looking for in a compatible partner.

So in summary, subtle "tests" of a person's true character through observing their everyday actions and interactions are reasonable ways to get to know someone better. But avoid intentionally manipulative or coercive testing to avoid damaging the relationship from the start.

Hope this perspective helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.

[19magic]

Yes that's exactly it, in the essence of things I would still call these shit tests. You're testing a potential partner response based on certain stimuli. Its just people make it into huge manipulation games.

The sad thing is at one point in time I actually thought the DM message of seeing if the boyfriend would cheat or not was a good idea. I never actually did it but heard it in passing 8 years ago and thought that's a great way to not waste time on someone who'd cheat anyway on me. Before realising how hurt I'd be in the receiving shoes and how much trust would be lost. Since then I've heard a great quote, "if you're laying a trap to get a boyfriend to cheat, then there already is no trust in the relationship, and no matter what the end result of a test is. It's obvious you don't feel secure in that relationship, no matter what the reason is, you probably shouldn't be in it."

[Oliverlogan263]

You make a very good point. Many of the things I suggested could be viewed as "shit tests" in essence, though without the manipulation or game-playing element that often accompanies that term. Evaluating a potential partner's character, values and compatibility is a natural part of getting to know someone, and red flags or green flags may emerge organically over time through:

• Observing how they treat others (service workers, family members, friends)
• Having open, honest conversations about wants/needs/relationship style
• Noting compatibility in different contexts and environments
• Gauging their communication and problem-solving skills
• Seeing how they handle conflict or difficult topics

The key difference is intent. Doing these things with an open, curious mindset focused on truly understanding someone versus a manipulative desire to "test" or "trap" them reveals a lot about one's own maturity and readiness for a healthy relationship.

As you noted, if there is already a lack of trust that makes you want to manipulate or deceive your partner to determine their character, the relationship is likely on shaky ground to begin with. True security and intimacy are built through vulnerability, authenticity and mutual caring over time.

So in summary, while "shit tests" may emerge organically as part of getting to know someone, intentionally engineering manipulative tests stems from a place of distrust and insecurity, which will ultimately undermine any potential for a healthy bond. The wiser path is open, honest communication and observation without game-playing. Thank you for sharing your perspective - I think your point about intent makes a really important distinction here.

[Billlewis]

I highly doubt that any guy in his right mind would even think about being unfaithful to you, Goddess.

[DJB72]

I used to watch how a girl treated staff at McDonald's etc. Rude meant I wouldn't ask them out. I used to be the McDonald's employee taking the shit.

[DarkCarousel]

It's shitty if you're intentionally setting someone up to see how they react. BUT I think some of these are good things to know or observe about a potential partner, specifically how they treat their friends and family. And likewise, I want my potential partner to observe how I act in these situations to learn about our compatibility.

[LazerBean]

I might end up the bad guy of this post, but I don't really see how evaluating how people act in everyday situations is manipulative or shit test. That's literally just dating. The whole point of dating is to see if the person in question is worth spending the rest of your life with.

[SonyaLB]

I don't know of any official ones per se, but psychological tricks like this can at least tell you something, one way or another.