Is it wrong of me to not allow my daughter’s boyfriend into my home after he cheated on her?

Question

Why my daughter took this douche bag back into her life after she busted him cheating on her is beyond me , I was very upset at my daughter for giving him another chance, I clearly
Let her know she is dumb for taking him back but she didn’t listen and ran off with him , I told her if she wants to be with someone that cheats on her that’s her choice but when shit hits the fan again , don’t come crying to Dad , I already told her what I needed to say , about it all , Her boyfriend clearly knows I am pissed off and upset and the mother fucker had the nerve to show up to my home thinking he can apologize and everything will be alright. I told him to get fuck off my property or I am calling the cops. My daughter is upset with me , Am I wrong for acting this way?

Partyrainbow · Accepted Answer

I understand your stance on this. For me it would depend on what age your daughter is. If she is underage then yes I would totally agree with not letting him into your house. Obviously in reality its your house and you have a right to say who you want and dont want in the house but if she is underage it makes more sense to not have him in the house as it probably will not last anyway but if she is an adult and in her twenties or so then unfortunately you have to be a bit more level headed and respect her decision to have him in her life. Getting angry and causing a rift will drive her away from you even more and she will be even more stubborn in her approach to being with him. Then if he does cheat again and break her heart she may not want to confide in you and this may make her feel even more alone and heartbroken. What he did was digusting and there is no excuse for cheating and you obviously want the best for your daughter but thread lightly with this as you dont want to cause more of a mess. But not letting him into your home is totally justified to be honest. Thats only a decision that you make and you should not feel bad or question your decision to not let him into your home.

Smashingdoozy · Accepted Answer

Yes. I know you want to protect her, but not letting her make mistakes isn't the way to do it. You need to support her even through stupid decisions. You need to tell her that you are there for her and take back what you said. You can explain why you don't think it's a good idea to be with him again but you can't force her to not be with him. She will only rebel even more. Let her make mistakes. Let her learn from her mistakes. And let her know that you will be there to pick up the pieces always.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

i think its wrong because you need to support your daughter. you may not like the guy (i wouldn't), you may not support her being with him (i wouldn't), but you need to support her.

she knows how you feel about him and the situation but she has made her decision and I think as a parent we have to support the child (not the decision but the child). if she feels like she doesn't have your support it may mean she distances herself from you and i imagine that's not what you want

your feelings around wrong. as a father of a daughter i can say i'd feel the exact same way. but if we left our children make decisions for themselves, which you have, then we need to support them

coachTanthony · Accepted Answer

Many will say it's wrong without giving you any suggestions on how else to feel. She obviously feels a low self worth and that she deserves this somehow so she definitely needs to work on that otherwise this won't just be cheating in the future but abuse in my opinion.

Apple1996 · Answer

Nah you are doing the right thing this guy is trash

Alli39 · Answer

I mean it's not the choice I would have made, and threatening to call the cops was probably a bit much, but I get it? I'd generally argue in favor of following your daughter's wishes with respect to her relationships, mainly because your disapproval, even if it's well-intended, isn't necessarily going to get through to her. It's more likely to just damage your relationship with her. She's doing her best to make the correct decision. The best thing you can do is be there to listen and try to provide objective advice when she asks.

Datboi65 · Answer

You're absolutely within your rights sir, and I think you are doing the right thing. I think more kids need to learn the hard way why their parents tell them not to deal with certain people for their own good.

Do not change your approach, and do not take that guy back in. If he does come back again, feel free to use your 2nd ammendment rights.

lilBigPotato · Answer

Being angry and having a talk with her is good but in the end it's very decision and being so agressive will only hurt your relationship to your daughter and nothing more.

Is she insists to stay with him you need to accept it. People make mistakes and need to learn from them, that is true for the guy who cheated as well for your daughter to give a guy a second chance who might not deserve it. Time will tell what is the correct choice and until then you should try to be supportive of her and just keep an eye on the guy instead of threatening people. And easiest way to keep an eye on him is to have him on your house. If you hear them arguing there you know what's going on. If they are at a different place you don't know

Anonymous · Answer

You have every right to not trust this boy, and you have every right to say who is allowed in your home and who is not.

I do think you need to let your daughter make these mistakes and figure things out for herself. That means letting her heart get broken. Yes, he very well may do it again. And there’s always a chance she may not even learn the second time around. One of the hard parts of parenting is seeing your child fail to learn the things you taught them.
But I also think your daughter needs at least one man that she can rely on in this world. Someone she can run to when her heart gets broken…again…whose arms she can fall into…again…and again, whose shoulder she can cry on…again. She may not realize it yet, but your daughter still needs her daddy.

BigRed1987 · Answer

Look I’m not even going to bother reading the rest.

Keyword: YOUR house. You can do whatever you want. Just know that it may or may not hurt your relationship with your daughter.
Our kids make stupid decisions and sometimes all we can do is sit back and watch them learn from mistakes.

That being said, it’s up to you, no it’s not wrong, you’re pissed off and for good reasons.

Spongebobssocks · Answer

Not at all. If anything you should shoot him too

spartan55 · Answer

Little turd has some balls, showing up at your house like that.

NathanDavis · Answer

aren't you a cheater as well though... and aren't you the same guy that also stuck with a cheater? he's doing the same you did or do... and she's also doing the same you did/do...

Olivier-628 · Answer

Ok I'll just point out something else.
Is that move going to help her or will it create more distance? I'm not saying you should be ok with what he did. but maybe she'd rather have you test him out by letting him do some work then then having to meet secretly.

anonmay1 · Answer

I understand your point of view as a father and he should take it as a consequence of his actions and try to earn your trust back. I think you should be careful not to isolate your daughter because it’s her decision and her lesson to learn here. You don’t want her running off with him in protest of her dad that won’t accept “them” and so maybe talk to your daughter to ask why she’s giving him another chance. Ask from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand not judgement to get closer to her. And go from there to be on her side. Maybe she will even agree he doesn’t deserve to be in the house yet lol

ChooChooHaha · Answer

NO.

Towards your daughter? You are incredibly wrong. Especially if she's under 18. Recipe for disaster (personal experience) if you say to any of your kids: Don't come crying to me about X.

Is she doing something dumb? Yes. Does that make her dumb? No.

You're doing the right thing. Keep him away from your daughter and the rest of your family. That destructive shithead.

Anonymous · Answer

How old is she? I think if she openly told you that she is angry and upset of everything that happened to her, you have a valid point. It doesn't make sense to let the guy in if he cheated on her.

Something similar happened to my LD ex. Only that she was the daughter. Her father run, who would be her first ever RL boyfriend (who she met online).

Not much details were mentioned, but I think if you really care for your daughter, or son; you gotta do what you gotta do, even if they are grown up. My LDex was in her 20s.

cuteangelprincess · Answer

You literally sound like my dad and it's so caring and nice of you to make a profile here to ask for thay kind of advise. She should be glad! And you're completely right

B0nerD0nor · Answer

Was my wife and I 30 years ago. Her dad reacted pretty much the same. We left together and they haven’t spoken since. We have an amazing marriage. He has missed out on so much over one ignorant decision. So before you alienate your daughter think about more then right this moment. Ultimately it cost his his marriage and relationship with his daughter. He asked through MIL to see the grandkids about numerous times, denied each and every time.

jahaims · Answer

You are in the right. Unfortunately you didn't find a way to get through to her and have to watch her make her own mistakes and suffer the consequences. Maybe write her a text explaining exactly why you feel the way you do.

adidas0169 · Answer

Your not wrong for feeling how you feel. a dad will always be protective of there daughter and will generally say my little girl
That's if they are a good dad or not and dads tend to be MORE protective of there daughter over there sons. i say and feel as long as a kid still lives under YOUR ROOF then it's your rules and they have to RESPECT your rules and wishes and if you don't want someone on your property then guess what respect your rules or GET OUT.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

Nah. I'd do the same to be fair. She can be dumb to entertain him further, doesn't mean I have to.

Anonymous · Answer

Not wrong, he got off lucky. But you might drive her into his arms by doing that. The good news is if you raised her right, she'll eventually figure it out. Might take him cheating on her again though. Some people have to learn things the hard way.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

I think you should have a discussion with your daughter about it first before you kick him out of the house and give herself time to realize that him cheating is wrong. She can't learn if you can't even allow her to see the consequences for herself. If she's that young to be cheated on, she won't make the same mistake at the age of 25+

Is it wrong of me to not allow my daughter’s boyfriend into my home after he cheated on her?

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