My daughter does not want to move in with my boyfriend, am I wrong for forcing her?

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter who is 7 and I recently fell in love with a man and he offered to allow me and my daughter move in with him. My daughter has freaked out and said she doesn't want to move. Her reasons are that she only met him 3 times as I have been dating him for 4-5 months. I told her she just doesn't want me to be happy and she should want her mother to be happy so I can be a good mom. She also said my last husband was "bad". I was married once before, after her father and he hit her a few times but I left him. She is now afraid my new boyfriend will also hurt her but I told her he won't. Before anyone asks, her father isn't an option as he also hit us both so she can't live with him and he does not pay child support. I am struggling to pay bills on my own as rent has gone up and my new boyfriend has a big house and can support us. This is also a financial decision. But she is being insufferable with the constant crying and refusing to pack her room to move. Am I not allowed to make decisions like this for my own child? My daughter also has an attitude as she is in some "gifted" program at school and I have to put up with a 7 year old making me feel dumb. She reads large books from the library and always talks about "evidence" when arguing with me. She is very disrespectful but she cannot pay bills and so I need to live with my new boyfriend and so does she. What can I do to make her stop crying and refusing to cooperate?

Updates

1 y

finding it very odd that this is being accused of "trolling" for what reason?

[MicahRaine]

First off, kids often have good gut instincts about people.

Secondly "I told her she just doesn't want me to be happy and she should want her mother to be happy so I can be a good mom." wtf is wrong with you? I'm going to say it right now. You're a shitty fucking parent. YOUR happiness is not your CHILD'S responsibility. It's also not her responsibility to make you "a good mom" like wtf? Your ability to be a good and bad mom is about YOU not HER. My parents were just like you.

"She also said my last husband was bad" well she's got a fucking point doesn't she? He was physically abusive.

Oh and you were never even married to her father? That's not her fault. Take responsibility woman.

"This is also a financial decision" That's the first thing you've said that makes sense.

"My daughter also has an attitude as she is in some 'gifted' program at school and I have to put up with a 7 year old making me feel dumb. She reads large books from the library and always talks about "evidence" when arguing with me." Sounds to me like she makes good points and you just don't want to admit that she's wise than you.

"She is very disrespectful but she cannot pay bills and so I need to live with my new boyfriend and so does she." wtf? She's 7. You had a daughter, it's YOUR JOB to provide for the child YOU created. Of course she's not paying the fucking bills, she NEVER should pay your bills.

"What can I do to make her stop crying and refusing to cooperate?" Give her up to CPS. CPS sucks, but you do too.

[Asker]

I was married to her father then another man. Sorry for any confusion. She is afraid of both of them and that's why she doesn't want to live with my boyfriend. He is not like those men but she won't listen. I also agree with the part of her not being responsible for my happiness, that is fair. But she should be respectful.

[MicahRaine]

Disagreeing with you IS respectful. Better that than to secretly disagree with your decision and then hate you.

[BetaBucks]

Sounds like you're terrible at picking men, and your daughter knows it. 50/50 this is a troll question though. But if not, your daughter is right, and you are wrong. Minimum of one year of knowing him, plus her being fully comfortable around him before moving her in. The single biggest predictor in existence, of abuse of a child, is a mother taking on a boyfriend or new husband. And it's exponentially higher than any other risk. So you're really rolling the dice here. Like you did before. And you already failed. Hopefully CPS can find a loving family for your daughter. She obviously needs someone capable of prioritizing her for once.

[Asker]

the finances are the reason I want to move faster and my lease is up for renewal now and I cannot afford the increase. I dont think my daughter going to CPS is better than her just learning to get along with my boyfriend who is different than my former husband. he is not someone who would be abusive physically.

[BetaBucks]

After three months, did you believe your two husbands would be abusive? If not, you could be wrong again. If so, you prove that you ignore basic information that others would pay attention to. Which you would likely do again. And again.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Damn, if this isn’t you trolling for the hell of it you are one massive cunt for choosing sex over your own child. She’s scared and doesn’t want to be with a man after the very obvious trauma of her abusive father, your word is not enough proof that he’s not abusive and that you haven’t fallen for the same pattern all over again. And I agree that moving in after only 4-5 months is unreasonably fast and I understand you have financial reasons but shitting on a child for being reasonably afraid and telling her that your happiness matters more than hers is the move of a very abusive cunt.

[Asker]

well if i can't make rent I can't make rent. those are the facts and my ex husband doesn't pay child support. My daughter I suspect also has other motives because when she saw his house, she began arguing about the room we chose for her. He has a few bedrooms and the one for her doesn't have a window but it is air conditioned - there is a skylight though. She wanted another room that is bigger, but that room is reserved for when my bfs son visits and she said if she lives there full-time it should be hers and we said no, so she cried more. I think she cares more about her room not having a window than being afraid he will hurt her. She is manipulating things that is why I mentioned she is smart.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Maybe she learned it from her emotionally manipulative mother that told her to her face that she should want her mom to be happier than she is

[Asker]

not happier, I said "you don't want me to be happy" in frustration. Then I explained I can't pay rent but she didn't understand the concept of not being able to afford rent because of her age I think and began offering to get a job which was sweet. I will have a think though.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Every time you see something you don’t like in your child, you need to look inside and find the problem.

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

[Asker]

noone is trolling... what would be the purpose on this topic?

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[exitseven]

Your first priority is your daughter. You are upsetting her whole life and she has expectations of being abused.
You need to put her needs over your own. Truthfully, you do not have the best taste in. Men

[Asker]

her needs are also financial that is why i stressed that i am struggling with the bills.

[exitseven]

Does your ex husband contribute?

[Asker]

nope he just always makes up stories to drag me back to family court and try to force visitation when my daughter is terrified of him and wants nothing to do with him then the judge has her speak with a counselor and shuts it down - that cycle repeats itself every 6 months and he doesn't pay anything.

[exitseven]

You need to shop for a different judge.

[DrPepper12]

You two need family counseling. You are the adult and decision maker. Full stop. This situation is moving way too fast.

[MasterKS]

You doing right she is too young to decide for herself!

[jahaims]

You are a terrible parent