Do you think my standards for a long term relationship are reasonable or too high in your opinion?

[Still-alive]

These are what i need in a long term partner. what do you think?

- showing empathy

- good sense of humor

- communicates well

- listens to me and makes me feel heard

- Good Hygiene

- able to plan things well in advance

- is responsible (with money, work, etc)

- respectful

- is always on time or tries to be. isn't flaky

- gets along with my family

- At least attempts to partake in my hobbies even if they don't end up liking them after trying them out

- Doesn't constantly bring up exes proving they are truly over them and not comparing me to them

- respects my schedule and doesn't blow up my phone if i can't answer their text for awhile

- Shows maturity especially with her emotions

- takes accountability if she truly is in the wrong about something and makes actual attempts to not do it again through her actions

- Doesn't overreact to the smallest things that ultimately don't matter

- it would be great if we were sexually compatible too but i can probably overlook it if all else is good with her

They are very reasonable

They are too high

They are actually too low

Updates

8 mo

oh and i forgot a really important one: Respects my boundaries

[EricSummer]

What about loyalty or faithfulness? It's important that she should be capable of strong attachment.

In addition, do you have no requirements for looks or body type? That seems unusual.

Sex is important but I also think that this "compatibility" is overrated. In the long run two lovers should be able to enjoy each other.

By contrast, some of your requirements seem a bit petty like that she should not overreact or that she should like your hobbies.

Sense of humor is something that is often on such wish lists but what about intelligence or education?

The wishes concerning kids should also align.

All in all I think you are listing mostly useful things but the priorities are different from mine.

[Still-alive]

Of course loyalty is important too.

Looks all I require is an attractive face and she can’t be obese. Everything else is ok with me depending on her personality.

She shouldn’t overreact to ‘small’ stuff. See my comment to cubster to find out what i mean by ‘small.’

Im not saying she ‘should’ like my hobbies. All im saying is to try them out once is all. If she doesn’t like them after that then thats fair. This isn’t really a requirement either, more like an ‘it would be nice’ kind of thing.

Intelligence is something i can overlook if her hearts in the right place.

Kids i tend to just go with whatever she wants. Im flexible on it.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Only two I take issue with is "makes me feel heard"... nobody can make you feel any way. She can listen, she can indicate that you are heard, but what YOU need to believe it is internal only to you.

You are kind of "meh" on sexual compatibility. If we're not compatible then I just found a new best friend, but I'm not going to be in a relationship with you.

[Still-alive]

Exactly but there's a way the other person can communicate that can help you to feel a certain way and ‘heard’ is on of my most important

[BoopBoopBeep]

Absolutely. And that is very important.

[CubsterShura]

The only thing I find unreasonable here is the point about "small things". You don't get to decide what's a big deal to her and what's not.

If I can nitpick I'd say that I'd personally hate to be forced to involve myself in my partner's hobbies. I'm personally not interested in gaming when my boyfriend is so I wouldn't really join him just to please him, but when he comes over to my place I do set up my desk for him to do some gaming at my place especially because we have different sleep schedules and I tend to sleep earlier than him. So he has my full support in doing what he loves but if it's not my cup of tea then I'm not going to pretend that it's not.

[Still-alive]

Well if you know me you know when i mean small i mean small. like one girl hyperfocused on me not wanting to shave my legs. i said i didn't want to and she threw a hissy fit over it saying i 'never listen to what she wants.'

i definitely don't like that. She can request me to do that for her but if ultimately i decide i don't want to she should respect that. and that response she gave was clearly an overreaction because i do listen very carefully. im very confident in saying that.

anyways i can see your point though. it just depends on what it is and the person on what 'small' means.

Oh and hobbies yes i understand if she doesn't like them ultimately. i just want her to try them at least once for me and of course i would try any of hers. because having shared hobbies can be a big plus and also creates possible bonding moments with your partner.

[CubsterShura]

It's definitely true that you are free to do what you like and if your interests don't align then you decide what you want to do about it. But also on the other side, if it is important to her that her partner removes his body hair for her, that's something that she just has to communicate with her partner without throwing a fit. Our extent of control ends with us.

[Still-alive]

yeah true. im glad im not seeing her anymore suffice to say lol

[MzAsh]

These are all pretty reasonable, assuming you also bring these things into the relationship.

[Still-alive]

of course i do practice what i preach

[coachTanthony]

Yeah we can only hope someone will meet all of these.

[Still-alive]

You think im demanding perfection or something?

[coachTanthony]

No but it's not like you can give her a multiple choice quiz to see if she passes. You may not find out on a few of these how she really is as her real self once the courtship has faded and the masks fall off.

[Still-alive]

yes i understand some will take time to discover

[ShadowYamihiro]

The list may seem long and you did forget faithfulness but i'll count that as well. so even if the list is long i gotta say that its exactly what is and should be a great example or proper, healthy and good relationship. In my opinion all of this is a must do basic stuff that guarantees a happy relationship. Definitely reasonable and that is what everyone should expect in a relationship. I know i do

[Flatmanlewis]

I like them all. The hobbies isn’t very important in my mind though. You should have some things you can do together but also things you can do for and by yourself.

[Still-alive]

i just want them to try it at least once. thats it. if they don't like it after that then im ok with that

[ChooChooHaha]

Basic. Perfectly reasonable. As long as you reciprocate.

[Still-alive]

Of course

[TomMarks]

The only thing I’d leave off is the, (plans everything well in advance) some of the best dates I’ve had in the past were spontaneous.

[Still-alive]

Im talking about big things like vacations, careers, kids. Like having a big goal and coming up with a plan and sticking to it. I like that a lot

[msc545]

These are reasonable but there ae too many of them. ASlso, you will never find a woman that will accept or do all this. Beware of anyone who says she can or will.

[Still-alive]

Ok which ones should i be lax on?

[msc545]

I think that is up to you, but the hobbies one probably needs to go for many reasons...

[Still-alive]

I don’t require it but im just saying it would be nice if she at least tried a few at least once. Then if she doesn’t like them then that’s fair

[msc545]

yes, but not many women like the stuff we like, and besides, your hobbies give you time away from her too.

[Still-alive]

Eh i can get alone time when I want it

[msc545]

The rest are very reasonable but there are too many of them. Try to combine a few together maybe?

[Still-alive]

Im open to suggestions

[msc545]

Not sure I have any. They are all very good really.

[midnightmoon05]

Agree…. very reasonable list.
As well as hobby goes.
My hubby had been doing motor cross since 5-7 years old with his dad and brothers. As well as having done the tour of France. There is no way I join/try any of that. I support him and cheer for him and encourages him to get the best gears/bikes/outfits…shop with him.
I love that he gets his guy time then comes home to tell me all about it or share videos with me if I can’t go see him ride.

[midnightmoon05]

Awesome list. One other thing to look for while hanging out…check out how she treats others/animals/kids/friends/family…it tells a lot about her personality.

[thegreenyogi]

Quite reasonable. You certainly know what you want.

[Still-alive]

Thank you

[Little_Bumblebee]

Nah sounds pretty reasonable.

Especially if you can fulfill them yourself as well and are willing to give the same kind of effort.

[menina]

I would say they're reasonable. I want some of them too.

I believe that finding a woman who matches them is possible.

[agonz914]

Besides over reacting to small things I think everything sounds reasonable. A small thing to you may not be a small thing for your partner.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Not unless you can live up to your own standards

[Still-alive]

of course i do practice what i preach

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Ok then I guess there should be no promblem

[chilldude33]

Those are common sense desires. However, you shouldn't treat people as a checklist.

[Still-alive]

some are must haves. few i can probably compromise on or overlook

[Lyndsielee666]

The hobbies and small things need to go but other than that it’s Gouda friend

[StarWarGirl]

In short a person with maturity. This is ofcourse reasonable and kind basic minimum.

[WhitneySnow]

That sounds reasonable but I guess it all depends how you apply them

[OceanGirl21]

They’re perfectly reasonable (WITHIN REASON) providing you’re also giving those things.

[Bobbybopeep]

You forgot the za za. You gotta have the zing to be in love or your just shopping

[CuriousMufuxka]

Very reasonable in my opinion. Definitely with not bringing up exes!

[spartan55]

Wow, good luck with that.

[Still-alive]

So you do think they are too high?

[spartan55]

No, I don't think so. I think finding a woman with ALL of these would be a tall order though. This I try to mentally sort my standards from 'deal breaker' down 'would be great, but not required'.