Are my expectations too high when it comes to relationships?

Question

My boyfriend and I have had a lot of problems because we have different love languages. He doesn't do a lot of romantic gestures (we've been together for 2 years and he has never taken me out for dinner) and he bough me flowers once because I had to ask him to.

If he struggles, I'm always quick to help out and prioritize his hobbies and needs, but doesn't do the same for me.

My love language is definitely giving gifts and doing favors, while he just gives me a lot of attention.

I was jealous the other day because we were at some friends house and the guy was totally gushing over his girl, telling how he would, despite his financial hardships, help invest in his girlfriends hobby rather than his own. He always talks about how talented and amazing she is and only wants her to succeed. My boyfriend would never say this about me.

Am I too demanding, or is it normal to feel like your partner isn't doing enough?

For the record, I buy my boyfriend flowers. I take him out to dinner. I do special romantic things.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

Your expectations are fine.

I'm assuming you're not asking for dinner and flowers and gifts every week, the point is that your boyfriend has repeatedly failled to do it at all during the course of the relationship.

Men are quick to shoot down gifts as being superficial, but there does come a point where it's weird to go out of your way to NOT spend money on someone. How many times do you avoid going to a restaurant with your girlfriend or avoid celebrating valentines day lol. When you go to a cool place it's nice to bring a small thing back to your SO.

There are plenty of guys out there who are OK buying you a plushie at a carnival or getting you a $5 seashell necklace at the beach or other monetarily small gifts that mean a lot. I think your boyfriend has a complex in his head about gifts and needs to unpack it.

People will call you high maintenance for wanting normal things and that's okay. You don't have to date them either.

Girlygovroom · Accepted Answer

“He just gives me a lot of attention” kinda disrespectful to your boyfriend there.
Do you even know what his love language is?
Maybe he was deprived of attention as a child and subconsciously never wants you to feel that way, so he gives you as much time of the day as he can?
You two need to sit down and have a proper conversation about this, and you need to learn to see his love for you in what he does, not what you want him to do.

glennos89 · Accepted Answer

First of all the effort that's put into eachother should work both ways! It should come from both sides and it shouldn't be one way traffic.

But honestly I think you are focused way to much on the material things because buying things should never be more important that giving attention and affection!

Especially when your partner is struggling financially it would be very selfish if you accept it that he's investing in your hobby's instead on trying to fix his financial struggles although it's a nice gesture of him ofcourse. But if you feel that your hobby's are more important to spend money on then his financial problems, it would be a selfish thing on your behalf.

My advise to you... Let go of the materialistic things and enjoy all the attention and affection you get unless you feel that this isn't what you seek in a relationship

( not personally directed at you! but just saying this as a example and I mean it in general )

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

Are you really going to be jealous of some other girl's SIMP? So you just want more gifts and attention because that's what the other chick was getting out of her man? He's probably doing enough, you just want more and more. A classic woman.

And for the record... WTF IS A DUDE GOING TO DO WITH FLOWERS? Yuck! Buy him a video game! A car part! Some cocaine and hookers! You can't be serious about that? I mean does he sniff the flowers and give you cuddle kisses while he adores the flowers? Does he decorate his living space with effing flowers? you can't be serious with that bullshit.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I want a guy who has perfected his personality in God and is loyal and able to support me if I’m pregnant and caring for kids at home.

HawkPerception · Answer

Lol gifts are the last thing on my mind in a relationship and it comes last for me in my love languages. I appreciate thoughtful gifts, but I much prefer quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. I would never get my partner flowers or chocolates because I hate the fact that the flowers are given to just die in a few weeks at most and the chocolates aren't permanent either and are just eaten. I'd rather give a candlelit homemade dinner or just enjoy some pizza and wine together.

If you're into receiving gifts from your partner and that's not what he's into, you might want to find yourself another partner.

FreyaRed · Answer

It's difficult to determine if you're too demanding or not because people tend to depict a situation from their own egoistic perspective.
Tell him something like. 'I treat you like I want to be treated, I have no problems to treat you that way you treat me.' If gets upset about this comment, you should lower your expectations with this guy.

caring__1 · Answer

Yes, you are too demanding. Rather than choose a partner and then expect that person to change, research in advance and choose wisely. People aren't likely to change for others, especially under pressure. Accept him as he is, whether you choose to stay or go, but never assume guys will change for you if they care about you. I don't care how much you expect your cat to bark, it's highly unlikely to happen.

OC1990 · Answer

I don’t think everyone is romantic and that’s ok. It’s ok for you to want romance and to be considered. The way I see my relationship is that for both of us if we can help the other or do something to make them smile or have a better day then we do it. It’s upto you if it’s something that makes you incompatible. And if he only does it when prompted then it isn’t genuine and you know it.

sheikalana · Answer

Does he know what your love language is? If not you should tell him about it this was one of the first conversations me and my partner had when we started dating. I think one of the keys for a good relationship is to find someone who's willing to love you in your love language and vice versa. Explain to him how you'd wish him to be more romantic give him the same examples you just wrote here buy you flowers, take you out for dinner, etc etc etc.

slatyb · Answer

What exactly does he do for you? It sounds like you are doing all the work, and he is just coasting. You've told him what you would like and he can't be bothered.

Your expectations are normal. Dump his lazy ass.

lenxía22 · Answer

My advice you two have to talk to each other, open up to each other what you want. If not, you will end up breaking up, and one of you can't accept it because he feels he has given love to his own partner

AvaOneLasTime · Answer

That guy you mentioned, is going to regret all the effort into building his girlfriend's life. Not good But your case is not good either. Its kinda one-sided relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Him giving you attention seems like a love language but yours sounds more like a transaction. You focus on outside material things instead of yourselves as people together. Giving gifts and taking him out can be personalized but nobody is obligated to waste money, especially if they break up and use the gifts with their next partner. I recommend trading him in for a short insecure rich man

Pyrofox · Answer

I feel like you need to quit pampering the man. He's more like a child than a boyfriend like holly hell it sounds like he's just using ya.

20yearsolder · Answer

He's never going to change, either accept what he's doing right now or find a new boyfriend

Imsmurter1 · Answer

It just seems like you guys have different love languages. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You just need a guy who speaks the same language as you.

Anonymous · Answer

Just sounds like you like different things. I’d prefer attention rather than buying stuff all the time. I don’t have an interest in going out to restaurants or anything like that.

JSmuve · Answer

Sounds like you want a simp who puts you on a pedestal.

anon1903 · Answer

You should get a new one

Pterodon · Answer

You’re not compatible

flirtatiousgirl · Answer

I think yes

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