Need help deciding whether I should contact her. She rejected me and at the end ghosted but I still think of her all the time?

[SlavaUA]

I started “seeing” this girl a couple months ago and it took a while but we started to hang out and have lots of sex. Talked about things that are more serious such as our past and what we’d possibly like for our futures individually or together. But I always saw in her that she was not very serious in actually getting to know me or be with me. She just had fun with me and pushed away anything that was below the surface, mostly. Then after a while of having sex, and meeting at our places and having few dates to bars or restaurants - she voiced her loss of interest in different ways and it hurt me and made me feel less than and at fault for being too serious or not enough, etc. So then I tried for about a week or maybe a bit more here and there to talk to her and make changes and scale back so that we can still see each other and have sex without expectations (basically I was willing to settle and sell myself short of what I really wanted/needed to feel good with someone). She still pushed me back and said we should split ways. I let her go. She then added me back on snap me a week later and tested all kind of stuff relating to having sex and how she misses me and wants me inside her and cuddle her, even started saying that she’s in love with me and asking me if I am in love with her. Etc. then I called her and found out that she was drunk and a little high. She was out of town for family Christmas. She told me that few weeks from now she wants to see me when she comes back. The next day was Christmas Eve and I called to wish her merry Christmas and all that. No answer. So I went no contact. A month goes by but she was still on my snap. Watching my stories. But she would never post none or had me restricted from seeing it. Then she started posting pics and I saw one where she was back out of town with some guys. No idea who they are. I still didn’t contact and stopped watching her stories. Then she deleted me after posting few more pics and I didn’t watch her story.

Reach out to her

Keep self respect and no contact indefinitely

Add her again on snap and say nothing if she accepts

Updates

1 y

Update. I broke down and texted her. No response. Got the last bit of rejection needed to move on.. so be it.

[PrettyPriya]

You need to let her go. It is obvious that there is nothing there from her side of things. That conversation about missing you and stuff was just a moment of weakness. She may have been alone or in a mood that prompted her to reach out and say those things.

Everything else in your details tells me the opposite and that she does not want to be with you in a relationship. I think all you are going to do is drive yourself crazy looking for any sort of signal or sign.

Adding/removing her from any sort of social media isn't going to do anything other than make you look like you are trying to hard. I know this is hard to hear, but it is over.

You even mention she is posting pics with others guys. Perhaps those are just friends. Perhaps they are more than that. Point is that she has moved on and you need to do the same thing. There is no future with this one and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can move on with your life. Best of luck.

[SlavaUA]

Thanks! The only thing I know for sure is that she really liked sex with me. But that’s it. Everything else was/is hot and cold.

[PrettyPriya]

Maybe that is what she was after... sex and a friends with benefits type of thing. Admittedly, she should have told you this to avoid the problem at hand.

[SlavaUA]

She did kinda, but she was always very vague. Like leaving crumbs of possibilities of something more just to keep the sex going. I agree, if she told me straight forward, I’d just approach it accordingly. But since she didn’t do it plain enough, fast enough, I got hurt and hung up. I really did like her though, sex and our times together. I felt for her past and wanted to care about her. It’s not fair, but I have no other choice but to respect myself and not engage her anymore. I have tried plenty already. Not doing it anymore. Ball is her court and I don’t expect she’s wanna okay the game any longer so I’m done.

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, so definitely agree that she should have been straightforward about her intentions instead of hinting. It isn't fair to do that to someone.

I see it happen the opposite way too where someone expects friends with benefits and then has the intention of making it more all along. Shame but yeah, you are doing the right thing by moving on. That is what is best for you and that is the important bit.

[SlavaUA]

Thank you 😎😊💪🏻

[SlavaUA]

I forgot to ask - so if it was a moment of weakness and she said those things due to mood, loneliness, under influence etc. does that mean she has some feelings towards me or somehow thinks of me or wants me? It is it strictly just because of influence of alcohol and weed? Not that I gonna reach out, I’m just curious what you think as to the reasoning behind her drunken contact she made.

[PrettyPriya]

Are you sure she was under the influence of something? If you are, I would 100% think that is the reason. They don't call alcohol liquid courage for nothing. That doesn't mean she wasn't feeling something at the time but definitely elevated and emboldened by drugs or alcohol.

[SlavaUA]

I’m sure of it. I asked her and she said she was drunk and high on delta 8 vape. I too had desire to text her or others when drunk but it was always because I feel something towards them even when sober. But I’m her case it’s like hot and cold. She’ll do that and then feel different when sober, or at least act different. It’s very confusing and I can see how it could drive me crazy if I let it, even though I did when she first rejected me but thank god not for too long.

[PrettyPriya]

Yep, sounds like that had a lot to do with the messages that night or whenever. I really do think you are doing the best thing by moving on. I can just see her playing games if you let her.

[SlavaUA]

She just went out with a friend, got drunk and her friend had a boyfriend and she felt lonely and knew I had feelings towards her and sex was great so she added me back on snap to pour out all her feelings that she was feeling overwhelmingly at that specific moment. But when next day came, that person was gone and the person that rejected and avoided my calls and contact with me came back. I think she doesn’t want or can’t have anything much more committed than just sex and games. But won’t own up tot he fact that she just plays around cause she cares what others think of her. Reality is what I see now, and the fact is, she’s gone.

[SlavaUA]

And maybe she deleted me off her snap just to see if I’d chase after her. And I’m not at all. Haven’t been for over a month. Since that call the very next day that I attempted. Nothing sense then. Than was a month ago.

[PrettyPriya]

She does seem like the type that is into playing games. Maybe she even gets a thrill out of it. She does not sound like relationship material and so maybe you dodged a bullet really. That is the way I would be looking at it.

[SlavaUA]

I agree. But I do miss the sex and the “effect” I had on her when we were meeting up. I miss it even though it was somewhat toxic to me. And it has me hung up. I think of her a lot daily. But I think it’s because of my own personal personality issues and mental health issues with attachment, abandonment, and other things. I really do appreciate you talking to me in debt about it. I really needed this today. I almost cracked and texted her yesterday when I was drunk.. moving on is my only option no matter how it feels and that I feel a loss instead of a dodge right now, but hopefully I’ll let her go inside and be able to forget or have no feelings associated with her sooner than later.

[Anonymous]

I would say to let her go. The one time she even suggested reconciliation was while under the influence, and already that was a while ago. But before and since then, she’s made it very clear that she wants to move on from you. No one can stop you from reaching out, but I think you’d be better accepting what the situation is and moving on. Don’t be that guy who pops back up every few months to test the waters.

[TheVigilantFox]

If it was me I’d just leave her alone, by trying to contact her just makes you look desperate, unless that’s how you want to come across i’d just move on.


Some people in life we just cannot have they don’t feel the same way about us so you just move on, yes it’s hard but by fooling yourself into thinking she’ll be like “oh go on then I’ll give him a go” you’re just making yourself miserable knowing that it will never happen.

[Flower7]

She’s not interested. The only reason she seemed to change her mind about that was when she was drunk and high. That doesn’t count. Don’t try to talk to her anymore.

[Boredaf99]

I’ve had several people ghost me, I still think of 2 of them.

[SlavaUA]

I’ve realized I have to be a lot more careful with my feelings and taking people seriously. Also I realized that people will be vague, and untrue and manipulative just so they get what they want at the time but their true intentions is not what they say. I hate that I’m this hung up on her. I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t gonna be anything but still feel like I got my feelings involved and my ego is shot. Makes me feel bad though I did something wrong or was someone undesirable to her. Just broke down and text her today - no response. So I’m pretty low at the moment.

[Boredaf99]

Sorry to hear that. 😕

[SlavaUA]

Thank you for your input, and thanks for listening. 💚

[Boredaf99]

You’re welcome

[Anonymous]

I stopped taking you seriously when you mentioned snap.

[SlavaUA]

Okay? I mean I had her number and snap and a dating app match. I don’t care what you have to say unless it has something to do with the issue at hand. That’s your personal thing. Nothing wrong with snap