Is it wrong and controlling to ask my partner not to post things on social media?

Question

My husband is someone that's really obsessed with social media. He will post anything even about our relationship difficulties and problems. He likes to share them online so that everyone will see. The idea that everyone could see that makes me feel uncomfortable. Oftentimes, he tried to put other people down and criticize them on his Instagram story.

Meanwhile, I'm someone that's really private and don't like to share things on social media, especially about my personal life. I asked my husband not to share anything about our personal life on social media. I asked him to be more private. He cries and gets mad at me for asking such a thing.

Is it wrong of me to do that? Am i being too controlling of my partner's behavior? How to deal with a partner that likes to expose our personal life on social media such as Instagram?

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

It isn't controlling to ask him to respect your boundary of keeping your relationship private and offline.

It would be an overstep if you expected to control all of what he posts. If he's free to do whatever, just not post content centered around your relationship or post pictures of you, that's okay.

If he can't respect that boundary, it's time to ask if he's really the partner for you. Or if this boundary is one you're comfortable shifting on where it concerns him.

But I discourage the latter.

He's lying to himself if he thinks he doesn't put you in danger by posting so transparently. Especially given he seems so open on it. You never know who watches you online and it's easy to uncover someone's location with just photos and Google Earth.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i sense a divorce. sorry to be so negative but come on... did you not know his personality before marrying him? i see your age range, i think that may also be a contributing factor, marrying too young.

overall, relationships should be private between only you two (or a therapist, which yeah you two need), yes. if he was posting about other random things, then it'd be controlling to try to stop him. but for this specific topic, it is understandable why anyone would be upset about his social media posts.

Unit1 · Accepted Answer

Oh wow, you have that exact characteristic, that I would love to see in having a girlfriend/wife. My experience is that the girls treat me as invisible when I tell them I don't have instagram or any of that crap. It's like they imply, that i have to have this poison called social media.

What you're asking from him (keeping your life and marriage private) is basically something, that you should not really have to ask in the first place. You have a right to preserve the privacy of your personal life (as does your husband has towards his part), so exercise yours.

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

Hey shouldn’t ever be posting about his relationship issues online. Ever.

Not to call the kettle black. When I was young and dumb I (very embarrassingly) did this a few times. But I was around when social media first came out and people didn’t know to behave online. You don’t post your private diary notes for the entire world to see.

Tell him calmly fired that he needs to think twice about what he posts online (you better not be posting online either). But if he keeps doing it that’s a red flag.

coachTanthony · Answer

"even about our relationship difficulties and problems"  That is a big no no. Nobody's business not to mention the internet is forever. Anyone can find it. Have a sit down with him this is not good.

Momma-404 · Answer

That’s extremely not okay. He shouldn’t be posting your guys difficulties and problems on the internet for the entire world to see. That stays between you two, it’s YOUR relationship, not everyone else’s. When he does that, it’s open season for anybody to put their two cents in on a relationship they’re not apart of or when they don’t even know y’all. You’re 1000% valid for asking him not to do that. And him crying about it is manipulative

sheikalana · Answer

Your husband's behavior would be a deal breaker for me but I think that asking him not to post is a bit too much. I'd rather tell him how unattractive and cringe his behavior is. You can also hide his stories so you don't see it. That's what I do with people who are constantly posting on social media and I don't want to see their stories.

nowshin23 · Answer

Asking your partner not to post things on social media can be wrong and controlling if it comes from a place of insecurity or a desire to control their behavior. It's important to respect your partner's freedom to express themselves online.

However, it's okay to discuss social media use in a relationship if certain posts or actions make you uncomfortable or pose a threat to your relationship. Open communication is key. It's important to find a balance that respects both partners' needs and boundaries.

Having a calm conversation with your partner can help you understand each other's perspectives and find a compromise that works for both of you. Remember, a healthy relationship involves mutual respect and understanding.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not really any different from him just telling everyone he knows everything that happens in your marriage. Stupid annoying and tactless? Yes. Is it controlling for you to tell him to stop? Yeah a little, but not unreasonably so.

Don't make it an ultimatum. Explain how it makes you feel. If he doesn't change then you'll know he values his habits and social media over your feelings. And that's when you get out

DB1973 · Answer

Narcissistic Media Platformer.
He obviously doesn't get what you are trying to get through to him because he operates on a totally different level. A level where everyone else is wrong and he is always right.
That characteristic is becoming quite common in all aspects of Media.
Choice: Make an exit plan or stop telling him all your thoughts and become a hermit.

All thoughts based on life experiences and only an opinion based on very little info you gave us.

Naruse · Answer

I came into this prepared to say yes but given the context I think it's reasonable to ask him not to post interpersonal information about the two of you. With that said there's always going to be some give and take.

WhereIsMyMind · Answer

Is he 12? Why would he need to post every aspect of his day on to social media? And why does he cry and throw a hissy fit if you ask him not to? Sounds like he needs to have his phone confiscated whilst he goes in the corner for a time-out.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

eh its absolutely your prerogative to ask that. but his reaction should tell it all. your feelings are a lower priority to his social media posting. seems like you picked the wrong one here

Bricealan · Answer

Deal with it. That's for you and him to sort out! You are 'airing you and your husbands dirty laundry here on THIS social media! What's the difference? Instagram or GAG, both a form of Social Media?

talkswtay · Answer

I deal with a guy that does this exact same thing but he constantly post single and says it’s just social media it’s not real life and as I understand that it annoys me because your with me everyday why are you constantly posting single unless your still looking? I just ended things I couldn’t deal with it anymore it got tired and played out especially because I keep telling him it bothers me

SotiCoto · Answer

If it was trying to stop him posting in general, that would be too controlling.
But insisting he stop posting about you specifically is completely fair... even to the point where he has no business objecting.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

He literally cries?

Shared private life. You have a right to co-consent on disclosure. Without it, it stays private.

It is controlling to say he can't use social media at all. It isn't controlling to say he's addicted to it.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I have no time for controlling people, but I hate social media as well, so this would be a dealbreaker for me.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

He is not respecting your private life or your feelings…what should you do? Did you know all these before you got married?

DryGermanGuy · Answer

People like that annoy the hell out of me. It’s called  private life  for a reason.  🤬

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Why don't you know that this isn't controlling and that you have a right to keep your PRIVATE life private. Caps to just emphasize. Tell him to stop and clearly he should know better.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Sounds like he needs to cut back and actually go live life. I don't think any of my friends really give a rats ass what I had for lunch.

Anonymous · Answer

You can't ask him not to post on social media, but you definitely have a right to ask him not to post persona stuff. That's not ok and he shouldn't be doing it.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I don't think it's wrong. Like no one needs to know you two had a fight because you stole the blanket.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

People really need to stop marrying incompatible people.

Jazzy54 · Answer

Please have a talk with him about this. What he’s doing is  extremely  immature.

Mangospacho · Answer

Nah. You’re married. You get to see what he’s saying to other people about your relationship.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

“Exhibit A your honor”🤣

soe11 · Answer

You need to be sorted as soon as before going to worsening your condition of marriage life.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

No, not if it’s about you. You should have veto power over anything self-identifying

Anonymous · Answer

I hate people who do that. Speak up and tell him to stop

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn’t want my other half to be putting our problems out in the open on social media either so maybe you need to tell him to keep it somewhat private at least

Anonymous · Answer

Not wanting him to post anything on social media is controlling, but not wanting him to post you or your relationship is valid and he should respect that.

LadiesFavoriteToy · Answer

That's a huge problem... Posting personal stuff on social media...

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

No not at all. What goes on in your relationship should stay in your relationship

Abdulwahh · Answer

Yes it is rather ask him to spend more time with you if he's not.

jahaims · Answer

Your husband is immature af

In_Trance · Answer

wrong and controlling

lightbulb27 · Answer

No its not.

Is it wrong and controlling to ask my partner not to post things on social media?

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