What does it feel like to be in a “friends with benefits” relationship? How can one find a middle ground between "just friends" and hooking up?

[silver]

Have you ever experienced such a relationship (middle ground between "just friends" and hooking up) ? What are the dynamics of it?

[Dinklex3]

I have, but it worked for us because we both wanted the same things and wouldn't be able to be together anyways lol. He became my best friend & we still talk to this day. The other was great too, he’s still my friend who I talk to every now and then. He’s out exploring the world lol.

It didn’t work well for my other friends because they knew damn well they were looking for an actual relationship, and then settled for the friends with benefits. So obviously it didn’t work out for them. You have to honest with what you want.

There aren’t any specific rules, you make them up yourselves. Some people think of them the same as “fuck buddies”. But to me they are actual friends that you’re just intimate with. Someone that you would’ve had a romantic interest in if circumstances were right I guess.

[chrissykerdock]

well you get to do what you want without pretensions... he won't take you out but he'll want what you agreed upon... and often... mine comes over 3-5 times a week... basically we get along well... he can be strict expects me dressed a certain way and expects certain things to be done... other than that i'm pretty happy with it... i like doing what he wants ultimately... and it does make me happy to be able to do that with him on a very regular basis... plus i see him so often where i'm never exactly lonely and when he does come over upon request as well... plus he vowed to be exclusive with me long as i do a certain thing for him.

[syncheart]

When I was in my late 20's I did a really stupid thing. In 2007 I felt like I fell in love with a 18 year old. We only talked on line, but we considered ourselves to be a type of online "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" thing. After a few months, she messages me to tell me that she no longer feels the same way about me, and wanted us to be just friends. This didn't work very well, and we started have a kind of imaginary "friends with benefits" thing. We had pretend sex over the instant messengers. Until everything finally came to a crash. We went through some weird issues until we finally got it stopped. She got with a guy in real life. He got her pregnant, and they got married. That is the last I heard of it.

[loveslongnails]

They key to having that work is you REALLY had to be friends first, not just casual acquaintances. If you are the latter, then you'll be fuck buddies and that's a different dynamic. If you were truly friends, and you each had a need for physical sex and were both reasonably confident you wouldn't get emotionally wrapped up in it, then you can try it. It's best to agree that you'll try it, and if either of you doesn't like it or want it, you will still remain friends as before. I don't believe that if you're both mature adults, it will ruin a real friendship if one of you, or both of you say, "that's not for me" or "it's not filling the need I thought it would."

[hector]

It's like walking a tightrope between the chill, no-strings-attached fun and the potential 'what-are-we' confusion. Definitely not for the faint of heart, but hey, when it works, it can be a blast!

Picture this: You've got a buddy, right? You hang out, laugh, maybe share some insider jokes. But then, there's this extra layer – the hooking up part. It's like having your cake and eating it too. You get the physical fun without the heavy relationship baggage.

But here's the catch – emotions. They're sneaky little buggers. One minute you're all, "Yeah, we're just chilling," and the next, you're wondering why they haven't texted back in three hours. It's this weird mix of casual and intimate that can mess with your head if you're not careful.

Boundaries are super important too. It's like having a fence around your little friends with benefits garden. Know where the line is and respect it. This could be anything from not crashing overnight to keeping it hush-hush around mutual friends.

And let's not forget about the 'friends' part in friends with benefits. It's easy to slide into this thing where you're only meeting up for the benefits. But if you're genuinely friends, keep doing friend stuff without the benefits now and then. Hence, it keeps the friendship alive.

The tricky part? Navigating the emotions. Sometimes, one person catches feelings while the other is still in the 'just fun' zone. That's the tightrope walk. Be honest with yourself and with them. If things start feeling messy or one-sided, it might be time to reevaluate.

Just remember, it's not your typical rom-com script – it's messier, more complex, but, that's life...

[mandyfire98]

Well both parties have to be fully on board and completely understand the dynamic and have emotional maturity for it to work. It's essentially just somebody you find physically attractive that you get along with but don't have romantic feelings for. It's purely physical.

It's basically when you are horny and need dick you go hangout with them and have sex then you leave. Some people can take it a step further and actually hangout with the person too.

[OfDeath]

This depends on the circumstances of each individual attempting this type of relationship. For most men, it is desirable but for most women it isn’t unless other circumstances make it desirable. I won’t go into those.

but it is almost impossible to maintain. There is an episode of the 1980s/1990s sitcom Seinfeld starring Jerome Seinfeld and Julia Louis-Dreyfus which displays exactly what happens.

[Cute_potato01]

Well my friends with benefits we plan our hookups sometime it's spontaneous but it's mutual. We do hang out even with other friends but the friends with benefits is secret so we try to hide it. Sometimes I tease him 😏

[ProbablyClueless]

Ideally? If you have a healthy arrangement with a healthy person, it feels like a really close friendship with someone you cherish and like to spend lots of time with.

Usually? It feels like an extremely unfulfilling drain on your time and emotions where you constantly find yourself wondering why you're having sex with a person who blows off your emotional needs and holds you at arms length until they decide they want to get their rocks off.

[MrCharlie13]

A hookup is a one night stand.

If you have a friend whom you do not want to be romantically involved, but there's sexual attraction, you can be friends with benefits if you have sex more than once as long as you don't develop romantic feelings. That's the line

[PetiteMisSmooth546]

Dynamics gets complicated. At first you two are not dating but you guys have sex, nobody cares what the other one is doing or with who, you two just meet up for sexual healing, problem is after a while one person always catches feelings

[Shedzij567]

Had a fun friends with benefits relationship. Basically we just meet when we have sex, sex done.

[rachel776]

if you do it right it's the most low-pressure thing you can do

but most people mess it up

[HawkPerception]

Never had one, but always has the same questions. How are people able to do it?

[sheikalana]

I've been in a friends with benefits relationship for about five years. It was a waste of time and I do not recommend it to anyone.

[Ironic_Method]

For me, it's exactly the same as a friend you don't fuck. Except you also fuck.

I've had a few and all have been wonderful.

[WhitneySnow]

I’ve never experienced this but my friend describes it as you’re friends but you have sex when you both feel like it

[StirredNotShaken]

It's perfect, because you don't have to go to family events around the holidays.

[Anonymous]

It is a silly term. Friends can have sex without it meaning anything.

[Wood3nWhal3]

I make no promises but am not an as*hole about it; I may be sorta a d*ck though...

[Jerre]

All of my lady friends are friends with benefits. I ENJOY the lifestyle, being able to have sex whenever I want, usually 4-5 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Friends with benefits sounds like you both have EBT.

[elaphe]

It won't work.

[HouseMoat]

It's a relationship, without the label