What does it mean when you are more than just friends with benefits but less then a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Basically, I have this really amazing guy friend. He kissed me one night a few months back and things have progressed since then. We are really very close. We talk to each other about everything. We share our secrets and our hopes and plans for the future with each other. He is always there for me when I need him. I honestly couldn't ask for a better friend. The thing is we are clearly more then friends now. We both care about each other and we say "I love you" and stuff like that. We do have a sexual relationship. He calls me his "babe" or his "lover." I am not his girlfriend & I don't think he is ready for a serious relationship yet. There are a lot of reasons for that... but I am just sort of confused about what's going on and more importantly why it's going on. I don't really know how to define our relationship. I've talked to him about it but he can't give me an answer. I don't really think he understands either... help?

[Ammo186]

How old is this guy.Are you two sleeping with other people?I had to go through the same bs with my now bf.except he was a big whine tit that thought that the title "girlfriend" ruined everything.we didn't sleep with other people and were togethr all the time.It made me angry that we basically were exclusive but that I wasn't goodenough to call a girlfriend.it took him 6 months before finally introducing me as that.so this all depends on how you play it.how you express your feelings about it.and how much you both want to put up with...if your constantly nagging at him he could just pece out and the friendship is ruined.however if you act all cool about it then he might keep you his "buddy"the rest of your life.My sister is actually married to my Bf's brother and has two kids so I've know him for over 9yrs before we dated.and he's 6.5 years older then me.I probably got really lucky with him not bailing for that simple fact.I kinda went jeckyl and hyde on his ass.1 min I'd be thinking he cares enough about me to not want to ruin our relationship then the next I'd be screaming at him about how stupid that was...and why all his past relationships are punishing me and I'm completely different from the old whores he use to be with if they were good enough for the title why wasn't I? SO I would straight up ask him what he wants.make sure you listen and nod your head a couple times.then tell him exactly what you want and that there's a chance you may end things if it gets to that point where what you want and how you feel is getting in the way...a relationship is give and take.and compromise.so tell him I will compromise with how you feel for a little while but I'm going to need answers when I'm starting to feel like things are constantly in your favor.you guys are having sex.so maybe that be the first thing to go. Tell him that if he can't commit to being your boyfriend how do you know if he can commit to saying no to other women...or even that its not fair to you when you could find someone who wouldn't mind having you as a girlfriend and the perks that come with.In the end it doesn't matter you can hold out for a couple days weeks or months if a guy was only inerested in sex he's going to find it.you can give it up on the first date and end up marrying that guy.so its about the guy.I am now having to deal with excuse after excuse about marriage now.its been 3 years and really how long do we have to wait? he wants a kid but I can't have a diamon.so it comes down to how long and how much you are willing to take.just be upfront and direct and stick to your guns.if he was worth it then he will make that commitment.if not move on and find someone else. I honestly can only say it depends on how much you both feel about the situation.Im giving this guy 2 more years then I'm out without the ring.5 years is enough of my time and he's lucky to get that.honestly if he didn't want kids id probably already be gone.but we'll see.good luck to you.as you can hear I got the same thing just later on

[Asker]

He is 22, I am 20. We are only sleeping with each other. I don't really nag him about becoming my boyfriend because it's not the most important thing in the world to me. I don't really care about the title but I do care about the commitment... Like I mean since we aren't in a relationship he can sleep with who ever he pleases and I don't really have the right to be upset. He doesn't sleep with anyone but me and he claims that he wouldn't but... you know... he could.

[Ammo186]

Oh wasn't sayen your nagging..the title must mean somethen enough to you to want the commitment when it sounds to me he gave it to u..I was saying I wanted the title...just made me feel like he was getting all he wanted in the relationship why couldn't I get what I wanted...especially if it wasn't any different treatment..when I think sex buddy I think someone you sleep without the atatchments...if you don't want atachment and memories then what's keeping me there...I wanted to kno my boyfriend was on the same paige..I don't want to give my heart to someone who can seriously look at me like I'm crazy when I get upset that he decided to stop calling because he got a gf...where was my right? You don't have to break up with someone who isn't with u..I don't kno..all I can say is if you were really cool with the arrangment you wouldn't think to ask...but people have been known to ponder for no reason I guess

[Asker]

yeah that is why I'm just confused because I'm really afraid that he could just wake up one morning and not want anything to do with me... it sounds stupid but since we don't have an established relationship he could do that... I know he doesn't want to be official yet though, and I don't want to push him away. I guess what I'm saying is I can totally live with him not calling me his girl friend... but I can't deal with an open relationship.

[Ammo186]

yeh...i hear ya...i was there...but just impatient but patient at the same time...like I said it would bother me one min then not the next...I would just have a conversation and get him to lay it all out...tell him this is your time right now to be as honest as possible before this gets to serious for me then it will be a lot harder to walk away from...more time more heartbreak..squash it now and think about what your willing to do and how much you can take.be hinest with yourself and him...

[Anonymous]

You're both in denial - you guys ARE in a relationship. Labeling it or not is irrelevant, you guys are obviously a couple. You both need to grow up and stop being so afraid of the label.

[Asker]

Well... it is a relationship but not an official one. Like he doesn't go around telling his family about me. Well he tells them we're friends but you know not that we are together. When our friends call us a couple he just acts like he didn't even hear them. :/

[Opinion Owner]

That's really childish behavior. He wants the milk but not the cow - whatever.

If a man was embarrassed or ashamed or scared to call me his girlfriend while sleeping with me and saying he loved me etc, he wouldn't be getting the booty anymore, lol.

[Asker]

Yeah but unfortunately I do love him. And he will admit that we are like together but he is just really really private. It is partly due to his culture though. Where he is from you don't talk about that kind of thing in public.

[stubbsy]

men who lack maturity cannot admit to people they have a girlfriend, they see it as a weak statement, something you only do in school, and because they see themselves as real hard men, they cannot admit they have a girlfriend, they are just not that mature yet, but to prove how immature they are, they feel its OK to say, "This is my friend that I have sex with" ? like that really sounds better than girlfriend right, so whenever you experience this problem, its because he still has a playground mentality and needs to mature a lot before he's mature enough to admit he's in a relationship and has a girlfriend,x

[Asker]

He's had girlfriends before. But not for a good year, he decided he wasn't going to have another girlfriend because he thinks he doesn't deserve another shot at love and that he is going to die alone... yay. :/

[stubbsy]

Well with that mentality, he's probably right, or is all this to try and get you to feel sorry for him and get what he wants without you asking questions or demanding more,x

[AllegorieBootlair]

First are you exclusive with him? is he with you?...do you want more? because a sexual relationship is a big deal...it's the most intimate a man and woman can be...you are bonded with him and he with you if you've had sex...it's only natural to feel closer and desire more commitment...I am in a relationship with a woman where we only get together on Sunday to have sex...we talk throughout the week, but only see each other on Sunday's...we both like this arrangement...I've been married twice, my kids are grown...as well as hers...

[Asker]

We are exclusive for now but the thing is if he wanted to he could get with another girl and I couldn't really say anything about it. I can't even look at other guys let alone go out with another guy. He is pretty much all I can think about. He hasn't been with any other girls but he flirts with girls when he's drunk. And that makes me a tiny bit nervous that he's just gonna get up and leave me for someone else... that's what I am afraid of.

[bruvleigh]

means that you need to make your mind up, cause by the sounds of it, that is a relationship wether you like to admit it or not.

yeh id just change that Facebook status if I were you lol

[Asker]

He is in a fake relationship on Facebook with his lesbian friend... who is also my friend. :P

[bruvleigh]

oh... you could just talk to him and say "look, we are in a relationship, we follow all the criteria, we spend all our time together, we have sex, we openly state romantic feelings towards each other, we are constantly talking. isn't it about time to make it official?"

[Asker]

:/ I don't think he can do it. Be my boyfriend. He just doesn't want to hurt me... and since we are moving to two different countries after we graduate... he finds it unlikely that we will be able to be together. Because something similar happened when he moved from his home country to the uk, he had a girlfriend and they tried to make it work, but it didn't... :C

[bruvleigh]

well you diddnt mention THAT little bomb shell lol well yeh your still in a relationship though... wether you state it or not lol and just out of curiosity where in britain are you from?

[Asker]

yeah we're in a relationship that everyone can see but that no one talks about :P And I am not from the UK... I am from America. Currently both of us go to school in the UK.

[bruvleigh]

where abouts if you don't mind me asking, its kind of rare on websites like these to find othe British people or people who live in britain lol

[Asker]

Tried to message you to tell you but it wouldn't let me send you a message without being your friend... so I friended you.

[GoodBetterBestBad]

that's called a tesseract, or..a four dimensional cube

[Ubetiburn]

Even if you are only FWB, it is still a FORM of a relationship. So unless we know YOUR definition of a relationship...

[Asker]

I mean official let's hold hand in public and tell everyone this lady right here is my girlfriend relationship.