In your relationships, who usually said "I love you" first?

[7Phoenix7]

I'm just curious.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

The man.

For me “I love you” means a lot, so I don’t say it unless I 💯 % mean it.

I am glad they said though, because I am very anxious about relationships and I would sabotage things if they didn’t reassure me that they loved me.

[Vesuvius87]

My ex boyfriend said it first. It doesn't matter anyway. He's been blocked on all my social medias. The entire relationship was a lie, a scam.

Nowadays I don't want worthless "I love you's" unless it ends in permanent commitment. I'm tired of getting my time wasted.

[7Phoenix7]

Me too, I feel you. "I love you" means nothing if the actions don't match.

[Guido]

I always did but this last time I waited until she did. When my wife said it, I told her I had wanted to say it for a while but was waiting for her to be ready so it was meaningful to both of us. That was over 30 years ago so I guess it was the right decision.

[NathanDavis]

it's been them to say it first... but, we were both "there" already...

[7Phoenix7]

All of 'em? Wow 🙃

[NathanDavis]

well.. the only four of them I've had, lol...

such words are sacred for me to say, haha... and while yes, they are very important to say and I've always have... initially I'm more about showing it with actions and in any other ways I can

but with words, not sure why... and it wasn't planned but I've always said "I love you too"

it has just happened this way so far (=

[7Phoenix7]

Lol I'm kind of the same, not very quick to say it... holds a lot of power.

And yes, I tend to show it rather than say it. But saying it is nice too.

[NathanDavis]

yes, true... I've always said it with my eyes though

and in fact... technically, I was first asked once if I loved them, so I did say "yes..." if that counts, lol

[7Phoenix7]

Aww you talk with your eyes. I do that too

[NathanDavis]

I'm very expressive with my eyes, yes... and not that I would ever lie in the first place at all, but it would be another reason why I just can't lie lmao... or better said, there is pretty much no way for me to "hide" things from someone I know/knows me well

lol

[NathanDavis]

"Nathan... look at me"

[7Phoenix7]

@NathanDavis LMAO

[NathanDavis]

[7Phoenix7]

Tell the truth Nathan..

[NathanDavis]

[wolfcat87]

Oh boy, haha. Usually I say it first. I have loved very freely and easily for the most part. There was never a fear that they wouldn't love me back. Some did and some didn't, but I loved therm either way. Saying it more never meant that it had less meaning. I'm a very loving person.

Now, I'm a bit more reserved about it. I don't know if I have changed or the world has changed, but I'm more patient and willing to see how the other person feels before I say anything.

[sage2021]

I wait for the guy to say it first. I wouldn't automatically say it back right then. I'd wait and when he least expected it, that's when I would tell him.

[7Phoenix7]

How come you'd wait to say it back?

[sage2021]

@7Phoenix7
Because it seems like that's what most people do. They say it right back when he says it first. Like a script.
But if you wait a couple of days, and he's going out the door to go to work, the store, anywhere - when he's just about to close the door - call his name, and when he's there looking at you from the door you say "I love you too" and smile real big. I bet he's so happy driving in the car. La La La La 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

[7Phoenix7]

🩷🩷🩷

[sage2021]

@7Phoenix7
Sorry I don't know what that means. Could you possibly use your words?

[7Phoenix7]

Yes, haha! Sorry, i rushed off the site to do some things. I agree with what you said. I love the idea of not just saying "I love you too" immediately after they do. It does seem pretty robotic and scripted. Saying it instead during a moment later on, like the example you gave, seems so genuine and romantic.

[Joshydavid25]

She said "I love you" first.. And did it in such a cute way, I couldn't help but snatch her up.. Only to chew me up and spit me out.. 😂..

[7Phoenix7]

Oh nooo lol

How did she say it?

[Joshydavid25]

We laid beside each other, and she reminded me that she had something she wanted to tell me.. She then grab me phone and googled something, and went to an article that had the word "Love" in it and highlighted it. Then she covered her face under my arm in embarrassment.. It was the cutest thing ever.

[7Phoenix7]

Awwww that IS cute lol

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah, it's the only reason why she's still with us today.. JKJK.. 😂😂

[7Phoenix7]

LOL

[Joshydavid25]

[TheSpaceGnome]

For most women who liked me, she usually said that years before I even show interest in her as anything more than a friend.

[7Phoenix7]

She would say she liked you in a romantic way when you guys were friends? Or loved you?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Women I'm just friends with say "I love you" to me so often, that I have a hard time taking those words seriously anymore.

Women who actually romantically like me also say it early, they fall for my personality and looks without thinking of compatibility, and so my general response is confusion, because I have to work out not only what they mean, but also why they feel that way, and what they did or didn't consider, and then I have to think about what questions to ask to check for compatibility.

It's very jarring, like it's just dropped on me and I'm expected to figure out what to do with it while unprepared and uninformed, and I usually have no idea if I should accept or decline until quite some time afterwards.

The few times I accepted, it didn't work out. There were core personality differences that I hadn't accounted for, so I'm more careful and pickier now.

[7Phoenix7]

Do you think some of them were more infatuated? You seem pretty smart from your response. I've gone through something similar

[TheSpaceGnome]

Infatuation is a love language for me, but isn't for some, so unfortunately its not telling of much.

The issue is I need more information than most to become infatuated/in love, and gathering said info takes a few years, meanwhile I have women saying I love you and "threatening"/demanding to do dirty things to me when I've only known them for a few months or sometimes even just days...

Society just moves too fast for me. She always makes up her mind much faster, then changes it nearly just as fast (either because I take too long to figure out if I like her, or she is just fickle after catching me, or she didn't think everything through when deciding she liked me).

I'm generally very nice to friends, I let them vent problems, and help solve them expecting no reward, sometimes I even get them gifts.
I don't judge over any weirdness they have, and tend to be very objective and understanding, and my kindness often gets misconstrued as flirting/interest.
I'm a better person as a friend than most men are as husbands, and my 1990s decent person mentality scews how I'm percieved.
For me the difference between best friends and an SO is sexual, and as such, I'm still a virgin (having not found the right woman yet). But often most of the women flirting with me are not virgins, and that alone is a dealbreaker, as are many other things, that take time to find out.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Another issue is my looks, people usually assume I'm less than half the age I actually am, so most of the flirts I reject on age gap alone. Its only when my age is mentioned that most women in their late 20s and up start to hit on me, as I'm usually otherwise seen as jailbait.

Add to all of this how picky I am with looks, my expectation that women my age should retain their youth as long as I do, my pickiness about her needing to be a gamer and artist and atheist and into science and sci-fi and anime, and even so much as using alcohol on occassion or not being a virgin being dealbreakers, and how I friendzone women to give myself the time to figure out if I want to date them (rather than as a way to reject), how I want marriage but no kids, how I want to do 50/50 on bills and hang out instead of going on dates, and lastly my general intellect difference from the majority being infused with a silly "childlike" demeanor, and you can see how it might be difficult to find a wife.

I more relate to geeky women in japan, where the kind of culture there cultivates youth, cuteness, intelligence, geekdom, good health, atheism, kindness to friends and strangers, self improvement, etc. but finding that in the US requires a magnifying glass and much more free time than I have...

[7Phoenix7]

Okay, I see. Yea honestly I don't think it's smart to say I love you after only a couple months. Let alone days... because you don't really know a person enough to "love" them in that way.

Yeah, you're picky... but so are a lot of people. Nothing wrong with that. And I respect you being such a good friend. Some guys pretend to be that when their intentions are different

[TheSpaceGnome]

Agreed, and those guys only have those intentions because they forgot to consider that condoms and bc fail, and that STDs exist. No point in being fake just to get laid. Better to just keep sex tied to a wife, and if I'm having a wife, she has to be essentially my brain in a woman's body, or we would argue a lot and eventually break up. Practicality begets long term monogamy with a similar mind.

[7Phoenix7]

Yeah you make a good point. I had no idea you were a virgin. wouldn't have guessed that.

Have you visited Japan?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yeah I figure if I want a virgin, I have to remain one. Both out of fairness in demand, and because it avoids infection or unplanned babies with the wrong woman because she decieved me about herself or something.

And no, I haven't been outside the US.

[Nikki1989]

I don't say it till I mean it and feel it. Most men will just say it without really meaning it.

[7Phoenix7]

That's so true

[ChicoFromThe305]

Can go either way if I'm waiting for it to come out naturally

[7Phoenix7]

Letting it come naturally is 👌

[ChicoFromThe305]

Thank you nubes 🙂☁️

[syncheart]

I can't remember if I ever heard anyone besides my Mom tell me she loves me.

[7Phoenix7]

Well, true love from a woman starts with your mom I would think 🙂 . That's usually the most genuine love you'll ever experience

[TiaNour]

My ex said it first, but it’s better if it comes out naturally

[7Phoenix7]

Most definitely, I agree. Did you love him too at the time?

[TiaNour]

I did 😅 but I had a feeling that it wasn’t gonna last long

[7Phoenix7]

Aww your gut was right

[TiaNour]

I guess u trust ur gut lol

[7Phoenix7]

Always lol

[Luckycharms12]

Last relationship I did slipped out after had few drinks

[7Phoenix7]

Lol ‎

[exitseven]

I always did except when I didn;t and I wish that I did.

[mandyfire98]

I think pretty much all of my exes have.

[IslaTheWitch]

Me... but it's much more complicated :D

[7Phoenix7]

Lol really?

[IslaTheWitch]

Yeah... I keep people on distance... but if I figure out my emotions thun I cut the distance... and say the words to the very surprised man :D

[IslaTheWitch]

then*

[7Phoenix7]

That's really cute lol

[love_conquers_lust]

Hasn't happened

[7Phoenix7]

Have you been in any relationships yet?

[love_conquers_lust]

One serious one.

[7Phoenix7]

Oh ok. I know you said neither of you said it, but did you love her?

[love_conquers_lust]

Probably. Gut/heart hurt for a week after we broke up. I ran three miles around a lake with ankle weights to see if that would help, did nothing. What helped was just getting back to a routine and returning to my friends. Ihad pretty much abandoned them when I went out with her. Only so much time in the day. She offered more than they could.

[Worst]

My ex said it first I think

[7Phoenix7]

Did you love her back at the time?

[Worst]

I never loved her

[7Phoenix7]

Ouch lol

[Worst]

Yep, I lied about it... biggest regret of my life. It's something I will never forgive myself for

[Bklynbadboy12]

I've never said that!!! No way

[7Phoenix7]

Lol why no way

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause that's how you get hurt you let your guard down and let someone in and they take advantage of it

[7Phoenix7]

I feel you

[AviatorTom]

I did

[TheeTrybrid]

I wait till I hear him say it first

[Sparkie460]

My partner always said it first

[Fuentes]

I tell money I love it all the time

[Kelly6]

@7Phoenix7 my hubby said it first