Gently rejecting?

[Anonymous]

Hellooo need some advice. I have this male friend who completely felt for me. I never trusted men/women friendship (I’m old school) but life put us together and I tought he would never fall for me since I’m really weird (Aquarius here🫣). I’ve tried all turns off so he would not find me attractive anymore but nothing worked🤧. I wanted him to be turned off so his heart wouldn’t break ( I put my dignity to trash to turn him off😫) but I’m desesperate I just lost the control and I feel he is so in love …he wants to see me again this week and I wasn’t able to say no😭 please how can I make him understand without breaking him🥹

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Sometimes you have to be very firm and assertive with people to be kind to avoid stringing them along and also to establish clear boundaries. You don't have to be mean, just more direct.

At some point in life you're going to have to learn to be assertive to improve it, to become a better parent if you ever have kids, to negotiate higher salaries at a job, to let a boyfriend or husband know what you want.

That said, something that doesn't require all these games to try to turn him off that is common in Japan (a culture that really prioritizes tactfulness) is to share with him what sorts of guys you actually like, including any you are currently interested in.

That's how Japanese men and women let each other know in a very tactful way whether or not they're each other's types. For example, a female Japanese friend might tell me that she has a crush on a particular guy and describe the type of guys she likes, then I know since I'm not the guy she's crushing on and not the type of guy she likes that I'm not her type and don't have a chance with her. Guys do the same to girls. Here it's common to openly share such things very early on into friendships.

So that's one possible way that makes things very clear without having to be so direct. Even if you use that strategy though, I think it would help to practice being more direct with people.

[Asker]

its indeed a wise technic! but i already told him i would only hang out with someone with same beliefs as me but he keep trying its so annoying but im too gentle so he doesn't understand it annoys me

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I hope you find a good angle! It's never wrong to be direct and firm as others suggested and it's something worth practicing with people. Being assertive isn't being mean. It could hurt a bit for both of you since you're clearly very sensitive and will likely feel bad if he feels hurt, but it's the least painful solution for you both when more tactful methods didn't work.

[Asker]

yes.. thank you for your advice!

[Saiesh30]

The best part was "I'm weird (Aquarius)" lol
Jokes apart there's no effective way of doing it than being clear and upfront to him. A statement like,"I'm really not interested in you or any guy for that matter and I don't need or want a relationship" should be enough to make him understand unless he's gone nuts about you.
In case he has, then you can't even avoid him unless you start ignoring all sorts of communication with him. I hope it doesn't get to that point.

[Asker]

yes im starting to think i won't have choice to make a women out of me

[Saiesh30]

Hope some sense gets kicked into him 🤞🏻

[Anonymous]

Men respond better to direct communication, not hints. You need to tell him outright that you’re not interested. You appreciate his friendship, but you’re not looking for a relationship.

[Asker]

im starting to think i won't have choice indeed

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

you're stringing him along by playing into his fantasies. If he is not picking up on your hints, you have to send a stronger message; distance yourself. Its less cruel in the long run to give no hope than to give false hope of a relationship you have no desire to be in.

[Asker]

i distanced myself but he doesn't understand snif

[boggboss]

Just be upfront and tell him the truth all this fucking about will just prolong it

[Asker]

I want him to declare himself so I can be gently upfront but he doesn’t do so I feel like he just assumes we are a couple without saying it 🤧

[boggboss]

So just say I get the feeling that you are into me as more then a friend I'm sorry but I dont feel the same way

[boggboss]

What your doing now is far worst then just rejecting him as u are entertaining himmaking him think u want it

[Asker]

your so right i will try to make a woman out of me

[TallAnon]

Nope doesn't work, just say you're not interested and create distance.

[Anonymous]

Tell him your banging some other dude and tell him it's AMAZING. He'll leave you alone.

[Asker]

Too violent 😱😱 besides he knows I’m not this kind of person thanks for the try🥹

[Opinion Owner]

You don't have to make it sound like it's a random hookup. Just tell him you met a guy and you're CRAZY about him. Tell him how awesome his body is and praise his dick. My guess is this guy won't want to hear you talk about that so he'll leave you alone.

[Asker]

aiii i can't talk like this but i can indeed implying i meet someone... but i already told him i had my imaginary boyfriend geez... anyway thank you i will keep this advice in mind

[ButtFloggedTroll]

Help your friend find a replacement for you.

[Opinion Owner]

@ButtFloggedTroll Oooh! That's a good suggestion! If you can find him a girl that's hotter than you he'll be gone in a second!

[Asker]

@ButtFloggedTroll the whole universe is hotter than me. the problem is that i feel he is mostly attracted to my personnality (im more in the cute side than the hot side). He seems to really like my eyes, in terms of look, but i mean theyre black so nothing that incredible. But thank you for advice, i hope i find someone !!