Being in a new relationship?

[Anonymous]

So this guy and I met online and I felt that we really connected in person although our phone calls and text msges weren't that great.

In about a month into our dates, we agreed to be in a relationship but I felt that ever since we made it official, the fact that he's reserved on phone calls and texts is killing it. He's affectionate when meeting in person, but it is almost non-existent all other times. He doesn't text me, and when he calls me he is very reserved. He said things like "we don't have to meet every week, once every 2 weeks is fine."

[DaveJord]

So, you meet this guy, and he sucked on a phone and in text, but was good in person. Now after dating for month or so, you are not satisfied with his phone and text skills. When honestly, he never claimed to be good at it, or made it something he wanted in his life. I mean it wasn't there for him before you, but now that you are there, it needs to be something he has to get better at. Why? Because of you right? If he cares about you, he would do it right? But isn't the opposite true of you? If you really cared about him, shouldn't you respect him for who he is?

Sounds like 90% of men honestly. We don't want to text or chat all the time.

Here is the thing about being single at my age. I am 47. I have gotten used to being single and having my own personal space and time to do the things I am enjoying doing on my own.

Now do not get me wrong, I would love to meet a special person and share all those things with her. But that is the problem. When you do that, you got to change how you go about doing all things that you enjoy doing in order to accommodate for the other person. Because they are enjoying things, themselves in their own ways.

But then you meet this person and seems like they are keeping you at arm's length. Which honestly what it sounds like now for you. Like guys do not want to sit on their couch at home watching a baseball game chatting or talking on the phone. I am in my own space doing my own thing.

But you meet this woman, and you think she is great, and she wants texts, she wants phone calls, she wants you to invest more time and put out more effort. Well at 47 I have been down that road many times, even was married for 20 years... and all that add up to one thing. Less time focusing on the things I want to be doing for myself. And more time you give to dating the quicker it ends, or the more you realize its not worth the time and effort you are giving it. Because she will always want more of your time, and more effort from you. And you start changing the ways you do thing for her, just to appease her... then before you know it... you're literally not doing the things in the same way that used to make you happy, and she can't understand that or respect it.

When honestly seeing her once a week or every two weeks is all you really wanted to begin with, and maybe in time you two can grow together without feeling forced into making all these the concessions in your own personal life to just because you meet a woman that is showing an interest in you.

[slatyb]

Have you met? No? You aren't in a relationship

[Asker]

Uhhh we dated for a month, went on 5 dates and agreed to be in a relationship on the 5th date.

He's talking like this right after the 5th date

[midnightmoon05]

Next time when he calls… tell him you are going out with a guy friend… lol