How does a remorseful cheater feel when he/she gets forgiven and given a 2nd chance?

[Daydreaming98]

Many people ask about how it feels to get cheated on and the aftermath. I'm going to now ask from the other side of the story. If a cheater is really remorseful and wants to amend things, how do they generally feel when they're forgiven and given that 2nd chance. What's it like to be in that position?

I know someone that's a remorseful, former cheater. It's been 2 years since his cheating and both are still working things out. He has even gone to church to repent. He admitted the affair himself. He didn't get caught, he confessed and has been remorseful since.

[blueonblack22]

This is not simple. I cheated on my first girlfriend in HS, confessed and got dumped a week later. Ever since then I made a vow to never cheat again in my life and I’ve kept it. Never cheated on any of my other gfs. Ever. Won’t say I never did anything else wrong. I definitely did, but outright straight up cheating? No.

Anyway more often then not the cheater’s attitude i. e. self rationalizing, gaslighting their partner, etc. about what they did is worse then then the cheating incident in itself. But only right way to make amends is to own up to the incident and be prepared to fully accept the consequences (having your partner leave you).

“Apologizing” with an expectation to be forgiven isn’t true remorse. Owning up to being wrong and taking full accountability for being in the wrong is.

But if everybody stuck “cheaters should never be forgiven” then we would divorces and break ups skyrocket even more. People would never confess even if they felt true remorse about it. Not to say some cheaters should get what they had coming. If you don’t have self respect you don’t have anything.

But again in this scenario not everything is black and white.

[sadstrawberry]

Marry me. You are a nice guy and we think alike:)

[Daydreaming98]

You seem like a good person. What you did was way back in HS, you admitted it and took responsibility for your actions, which means accepting getting dumped. Now that you're much older and haven't cheated since shows growth.

[blueonblack22]

I am about 99% sure one of my exes I loved very much 10 years cheated on me 1-2 weeks before she broke up with me. Never got it confirmed. But she absolutely treated me (unnecessarily) like the scum of the earth after we broke up. Initially we agreed to be friendly and respectful. But she gave me one of the deepest insults I’ve ever taken from a woman in my life a few weeks later when we meet up for business purposes.

For a very long time I languished over that. Never been talked to like that before by a someone who knew me very well.

Then one day a light bulb went off in my head. Her cheating made perfect sense. She had to see me as lower than pond scum to “make herself feel better” for her own bullshit. Had to self rationalize to herself that two wrongs make a right. She was making friends with the (very) wrong crowd at the time too (radical feminist types). Bad company corrupts good character.

Like I said I am no saint. But I don’t gaslight people to justify my bs.

[Daydreaming98]

wow I'm sorry to hear you were treated with such contempt but don't focus too much on her. She's out of your life now. Exes are always exes for a reason.

[blueonblack22]

Don’t expect other people to judge how you judge. That’s the lesson.

[Chazmatazz269]

You may as well be asking how many units of gravitational force a unicorn can produce in an inverted dive.
Cheaters are never sorry that they hurt someone. There are dozens of opportunities to rethink their behavior before they actually commit the act. They don’t stop themselves because they don’t care about other people. They are inherently selfish, inconsiderate and disrespectful people. You may occasionally stumble upon one who is legitimately upset about getting caught. That’s because they don’t think they deserve negative consequences for their behavior. They don’t want to lose something or someone who is ultimately giving them exactly what they want. So they’ll do anything to keep that from happening. Including pretending to be sorry. It’s a ploy. If they were capable of feeling bad for others, they would never have cheated in the first place.
Idiots who forgive them get exactly what they deserve when the cheater cheats again. They always do. Maybe next time you’re rewarded with an STD or STI. Or maybe you end up raising someone else’s child. Maybe you stumble upon the video of them banging 30 people on a porn site. Ell oh ell!

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I would say if they realize their mistakes, and really are remorseful, that they'd feel lucky. One of my sister's husbands, back in the past when he was still her boyfriend and they were in high school, cheated on her. He didn't like the thought of her being with another man and that's what opened his eyes to realize how she felt. So he matured, got a second chance, and probably feels very lucky for it. They've been together since then and have been happily married.

[SarahS98]

That's interesting. So he never cheated again and actually learned? This is similar to my parents' story. My mom cheated on my dad first when they were just boyfriend and girlfriend, she got her 2nd change, they got married, he cheated back (she forgave him too) and they're still together, much stronger, neither of them cheating ever again.
Personally, I wouldn't be able to work it out.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

@SarahS98 he basically went through the immature "I've got all of these women" phase. If you get what I mean.

[SarahS98]

Yeah, I think some people need to mature. My mother at the time was a party girl, not punctual on their dates and cheated until getting caught. It took getting caught (literally in the act) for her to change for the better.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SarahS98 Wow, your Dad tried to turn a hoe into a housewife. Bad plan. Also, don't kid yourself, your mom has cheated many more times, she is just better at covering her tracks.

[SarahS98]

@KrakenAttackin
Perhaps this might sound naive but I think she really did became a devoted housewife. She do believe she's an exception. The mother I've known all my life and grown up with isn't the former party girl nor immature girlfriend from the past. She did proved she can be trusted again when dad tested (as a baby) me at two different clinics and both results came back positive 99.99. She didn't get defensive when he demanded testing at the time. She was willing to do anything to gain back to trust, even paid all the couple therepy sessions and his own individual counseling session at the time, yes with her money. She bought him a new couch too and helped him with the moving out process.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SarahS98 Once a Lion has a taste for human flesh they never go back. Cheaters are the same way.

[SarahS98]

@KrakenAttackin
What if she really hasn't cheated since? Dad didn't cheat again after he has a revenge affair. So is it just fear of getting caught again keeping her from cheating?
She's 52 by now. Both of my parents have already aged.

[KrakenAttackin]

@SarahS98 52 is still plenty going to be on the prowl.

[SarahS98]

@KrakenAttackin
I guess. I would just like think she did changed for the better. Some people do reform.

[Peridot25]

Cheaters are not remorseful. If they truly loved their partner, they wouldn’t think twice about hurting them. No matter if there was lack of sex, you leave or find ways to regain that spark.
And I call bullshit that scumbag actually feels remorseful. He will do it again.

[AI Opinion]

Imagine being submerged in guilt, like swimming in a murky sea, and then someone throws you a lifeline of forgiveness—it's a mix of relief, gratitude, and a hefty dose of self-imposed pressure. When a remorseful cheater is given a second chance, it often feels like emerging from a fog into bright sunlight. It's a moment laden with the weight of their actions but also illuminated by the possibility of redemption. They're likely to experience an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards their partner for that leap of faith and also a profound determination not to repeat the mistakes that nearly cost them their relationship. This mix of emotions can be intense—it's a cocktail of relief, hope, and a dash of fear, knowing they can't afford to slip up again. They might also feel a renewed sense of commitment, going the extra mile to rebuild trust and prove their love is genuine. Just like your friend who turned towards his faith and honesty as the foundation for mending things, it shows a deep level of introspection and commitment to not just say, "I'm sorry," but to live it, each and every day.

[AviatorTom]

The question answers itself... they feel remorse, sorry for their actions.

[Wetdreamz]

Or you could decide not to be a smart a55 and simply remove the word remorseful from the question.

Her example of the guy who cheated involved him confessing himself without having been accused. Most cheaters don't out themselves so whether they feel remorse, indifference, or a loss of respect for the person they cheated on for them deciding to forgive and stay.

[Yannae]

They probably feel, if they're actually remorseful, angry at themselves and humiliated. And will do anything to make things right again. The cheater expected punishment, and instead the girl gave him forgiveness, and now the slap on the wrist the guy was hoping for to feel 'better' is gone, his punishment is that forgiveness, moving on, knowing you hurt the person you love, knowing she didn't deserve it, and being forgiven. His punishment, if he's remorseful, is making it up to her and himself so they can stand on equal footing once more.

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[DishLady]

I try not to second guess what an insane person would do, think or feel. Cheaters fall within that category. Whether they want to consider it temporary insanity or something else, I personally don't have time to waste meandering with anyone who has or has had a record of cheating.

[AhemAhemAhem]

That's only for the other person in the relationship to decide. No one else is in a position to decide whether they can ever be truly trusted again, or whether it is even worth all the pain and effort of trying, instead of just moving on and starting something new.

[sage2021]

I think they just believe they got away with it.
They aren't sorry for hurting the person the cheated on. They are sorry they got caught and will more than likely cheat again since they get away with it.

[Daydreaming98]

I can see that but what about when the cheater (like the guy in the story) actually confesses? The cheater wasn't going to get caught and no one knew but still confess. Would that be a case of them being sorry?

[sage2021]

@Daydreamung98
Yes, the guy did confess, and maybe he was sorry. But the fact remains that he has the capacity to cheat.
Once someone has cheated on someone, generally the original trust they had for that person is never the same again.
He decided to cheat. He set it up with the person he was going to cheat with, had to find a place to do the act itself. So, it's not like so many people say "I don't know how it happened, it just happened".
He's not going to tell her he did it and isn't sorry right?

[WhitneySnow]

I guess they feel relieved and grateful to get a second chance. I don’t know for sure; I’ve never cheated on anyone.

[LaurenM1997]

So you would give that cheating scumbag another chance? Sorry but with me i would never give him another chance cause I know they would do it again as I’ve said a million times once a cheat always a cheat!

[Still-alive]

I get vibes that this is likely a dude. Just a hunch

[LaurenM1997]

@Still-alive yeah smh 🤦‍♀️

[Still-alive]

Could be a real girl too though lol. I got my doubts

[LaurenM1997]

@Still-alive yeah we don’t know nowadays who’s a guy and who’s a woman on here

[Still-alive]

Well at least im pretty sure you’re real lol

[LaurenM1997]

@Still-alive I am ☺️

[SotiCoto]

There is no such thing as a remorseful cheater. They're not sorry they did it. They're sorry they got caught.

[Daydreaming98]

What about when a cheater confesses, outing themselves basically?

[fantasticass]

EXACTLY...100% CORRECT!!!

[ManInChains]

They’d probably feel as if they can get away with doing it again

[Daydreaming98]

Would that be the reason the guy in the story confess? Generally someone that cheats wants to keep it a secret and wants to get away with it. They generally don't out themselves unless someone is about to tell on them.
In the guy's case, no one was going to snitch on him nor found out... he simply out himself.

[ManInChains]

Probably felt guilty. Something women aren’t capable of truly feeling

[avery58]

Most of them get over any bit of guilt they first felt and then start blaming their partner for still feeling resentful or upset about it.

[dustybiker2]

They get over it at some point when they reach a level of unhappiness to get triggered and inevitably give themselves permission to do it again.

[fantasticass]

Why is he remorseful? Because he admitted and got caught, or because he enjoyed the affair?

[Daydreaming98]

The guilt was eating him up too much at some point and he confessed to it.

[fantasticass]

I don't believe him... he is telling you what you want to hear.

[Altheavas]

Greatful at first, but you will hold less value in their eyes as time goes!

[Anonymous]

once a cheater always a cheater

cheaters don't respect their partners. forgiving them only gives the cheater an excuse to be further disrespectful

[OddBeMe]

Ehh…depends. I guess it can happen to good people. But most likely cheaters will cheat again. They just got caught this time.

[Daydreaming98]

Yes, most of the time the cheating only ends momentarily because they got caught. Though if a cheater actually confesses (even though they could've gotten away with it further if they wanted) like the guy in my story then I guess they have some remorse there.

[OddBeMe]

Yeah that’d be a small percentage I guess. It seems to be more a lifestyle, like leading double lives.

[pethouse]

Like they will get away with it a second time. Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s never a mistake.

[NTwBWCoh]

Well from my experience Men actually feel remorse from cheating. Women typically do not

[Daydreaming98]

True. They say men are pig for cheaters and always lie but ironically the few times I've heard of a cheater confessing is a man meanwhile female cheaters keep going and don't stop unless caught.

[madpete1111]

Free game. If forgiven they'll do it again

[ApplePie409]

Lose "Brad" and then I'll reply.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah that AI bot is so perfect with his replies. He described it so well.

[ApplePie409]

@Vesuvius87

"He" ? lol

I love AI, but not on this site.

[Vesuvius87]

True but he does gets to the point and answers the question perfectly. He did got on the cheater's point of view. I find the description amazing.

[ApplePie409]

@Vesuvius87

Hearing from someone with a heart and soul is more meaningful to me. I don't want to hear about what divorce feels like, from a computer algorithm who is just regurgitating shit from the Internet.

[DreamLife7]

Are u talking about urself? I'm confused

[Daydreaming98]

Nope. I never cheated on anyone. I'm referring to others that have cheated, such as the man in my story.

[DreamLife7]

@daydreaming98 he's not remorseful he's just mad he got caught and he will do it again

[Daydreaming98]

But he didn't get caught. He confessed himself. If a cheater wasn't going to get caught and no one knew except himself, why would he confess?
If a cheater confesses instead of getting caught, would that be remorse?

[DreamLife7]

Either way he does my like you that's why he cheated on the first place.

[TonyMetal___86]

I really don't know since i never cheat!

[FuqUFggt]

Lol. No such thing