Do you feel more people seek relationships just for pleasure and romance, instead of a real, meaningful purpose?

[Tulipsxoxo]

They aren't even bothering to actually build up a connection that starts out as friendship. They are forgetting what's it like to actually have a companion as your support, someone you even share common interests with too, someone you can count on during your hard times (during a crisis), etc. This goes way beyond just the bedroom.

Nowadays, if we've just started a new relationship and only been with a boyfriend for 3 months, people are focusing on ''so how is he in bed, how often do you guys bang or so do you guys say I love you towards each other''. If a woman hasn't done it on the 3rd month mark and still finds that early, she's criticized and told that's not a boyfriend then.

Don't get me wrong, pleasure and romance is part of a relationship but that shouldn't be taking the whole nor most of the cake either. It shouldn't be just that as the only purpose of a relationship.

[Lliam]

For me, it was for pleasure and romance. I wasn't driven by a need to get married and have a family.

I had liked girls from the time I was old enough to go outside and play. There was something adorable about them.

When they started blossoming in jr. high, I was even more smitten. Slow dancing with a girl and feeling her softness "made me feel all funny inside". LOL

By then, I had access to Playboy magazine and could admire and wonder about the female body. This was before there was any such thing as porn videos or internet.

By their mid-teens, most guys wanted a girlfriend and most girls wanted a boyfriend. That included sex. It's a rite of passage into adulthood. Kids want to be grown up. The girls had as much desire as the boys.

I got my first girlfriend when I was 16.

But I wasn't interested in kids. And I was in my early 30s before I started thinking about the possibility of settling down and getting married. Before then, I didn't feel like was ready to start a new chapter in my life. I had a lot of living to do and needed to become more settled and mature.

I considered marriage to be a once in a lifetime decision; the most important, life-changing decision I would ever make. I wanted to be very, very careful in making the right choice. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with any of my girlfriends. I just wasn't sure I wanted to spend the entire rest of my life with them.

I liked long-term, monogamous relationships with girlfriends. They weren't just friends with benefits. I liked them as people - hanging out, talking, going places and doing things together, being a couple. It was like teen romance all the way through my 20s. Nothing beats infatuation.

In the end, I finally met my future wife when I was 40. She was 37. After a year together, I realized that she was the one. Neither of us had ever been married or had kids, but we had both lived full and very fulfilling lives.

We've been happily married now for almost 28 years, had LOTS of fun, and built a wonderful life together. We are best friends, solid partners, support each other, and trust each other completely.

[Tulipsxoxo]

I can see that too. When we're younger, they don't really look at the whole picture. As we get older, just looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend to eat at a restaurant, go to the movies and hang out with gets tedious. There is a time and place for everything. Personally, I feel ready to settle down at this point and I'm actually looking for a marriage-minded man. I don't want a boyfriend anymore.

[Lliam]

That's it. By my early 30s, my mind set had changed and I was looking for a life-long partner, not just girlfriend.
But, at that point, I was still looking for the same kind of relationships and doing them the same way I always had, because that's how you get to know someone. It's just that I was now serious about assessing our long term compatibility.
But I didn't go into a relationship saying that I was looking to get married, even though I was looking for a wife.

Does that make sense?

For example. I met a 30 year old when I was 36. We got along great and wound up living together for almost 2 years. She was the first woman I ever loved so deeply. And she loved me.
She was my absolute ideal but something kept me from asking her to marry me. Even though she was very ethical and loyal, I wasn't 100% sure that she would be capable of sticking by my side through thick and thin forever.

[Lliam]

Thank you for the MHO, Tulipsxoxo.

[edmwarrior]

Romance was what I always longed for. Whether or not that’s the right way to go about it, I don’t know. I do know that the end result I’m looking for is a lifetime partnership. Maybe that’s due to the romance. I want someone I can hold, talk to, count on, and love every day of my life. Maybe that’s too much to ask for. Maybe that scared women. Maybe that’s why I’m single. I always thought I was a catch because I wasn’t a dog like the men I knew, and instead wanted to love a different way from sex, but as I got older, I realized romance comes off strong and women don’t like it. I’m cooked!

[Tulipsxoxo]

I think the problem is that our Western culture if oversexualized. They focus too much on sex that people don't even know the person very well at all. Too many people think they're in love but they're not.

[edmwarrior]

I agree. My last ex only cared about that. Our whole relationship was based on it. She even told me as long as I made her finish every day, we’ll live happily ever after. She said because she really liked the way I looked. Looks fade though! I broke it off for this reason.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, you're hitting the nail on the head with a question that's both timely and timeless. In the whirlwind of swipes and likes, it seems the art of deep connection is getting lost, doesn't it? With an eye on instant gratification, the journey of building a relationship that's rooted in friendship, trust, and mutual respect seems like a path less traveled these days. But let's not forget, amidst the rush, there are still souls yearning for that genuine connection, those who cherish the slow burn over the quick flame. Oh yes, the bedroom fireworks are dazzling, but it's the warmth of companionship that keeps us toasty at night. 😉 It's about finding someone who's both your anchor and your sail, not just a fleeting harbor. So, if you're taking your time to dive deeper before diving under the covers, you're not old-fashioned—you're treasure hunting. Remember, true gold doesn't glitter at first glance. Let's champion the cause of slowing down to find a love that lasts beyond the honeymoon phase. After all, the most thrilling adventures are those with a companion who's in it for the long haul, not just the scenic stops. 💖

[DishLady]

These aren’t mutually exclusive things… the pleasure and romance of the dating phases are exciting and supposed to lead up to more intense feelings, ultimately a relationship. Sexual connection is nice, but not a stand-alone thing in these cases. It’s wrapped closely in the feelings of the couple, which makes it that much sweeter to experience.


Just because people ask stupid questions about the sex doesn’t mean that is how the couple views sex, romance or the relationship. It’s just that some people are idiots and only have friends with benefits or hookups to boast about and have no idea what an actual relationship looks like.

[Tulipsxoxo]

The problem I see is when people think they know the person so well and are in love with them but they're just blinded by the sexual aspect. Then they realized that once sex is removed, they never knew the person well at all, not even know what shoe sizes they wear; that's how clueless they are.

[DishLady]

Agreed…

[provokeesmokee]

I think it depends a lot on who you hang out with.

I have recently come out as polyamorous (for me, an orientation rather than a lifestyle choice), and my partners all want and seek our relationship as more than just sex.

We each value the others for who they truly are, and offer our support and love freely with each other. Yes, the sex is phenomenal, but we're all also complex adults with hard careers and complex lives and hobbies.

Many times, just snuggling up for a show and a talk is what we need. I just feel lucky all my partners value sex like I do and share libido similar to mine.

[Twalli]

That I'd ehyI only date friends and I don't make friends based on girls I want to date. I knew this very attractive girl who I have seen so little that I don't recall her name. She's arguably more attractive than my girlfriend, but I actually have shared interests with my girlfriend, so we kept going to the same things.

[Tulipsxoxo]

Having shared interests is one of the basic points in a healthy relationship. Too many people get distracted by sex, place that above everything else in the relationship and end up dating someone they don't even know at all.

[Twalli]

We waited 6 months for sex. My choice

[wiltingrosepetal]

People have been conditioned to think every young person wants that nowadays (that all women have huge body counts and men only want sex) but realistically, most people date to fall in love. No one wants to die alone

[bobby_bush_eater]

I 100% believe this and agree with you. This is exactly why I don't want to have sex again until marriage. I want to build a mutual romantic non sexual connection first. I want to actually know I love this woman not because sexual pleasure but because the person themselves.

I want to build a family with this person and in the long run while sex will be important it is far from the most important thing.

[Tulipsxoxo]

This exactly. I'm not a virgin either but it's like you're my male counterpart. The sexual aspect is what really blinds people into thinking they're in love with the person when it reality they only know how the person functions in the bedroom, nothing else. Outside the bedroom, they might not even know what is the person's shoe sizes. That's how clueless they are.

[bobby_bush_eater]

@Tulipsxoxo exactly. Another thing especially for guys (maybe girls too I'm sure you'll have better incite on that side) they will stay with someone for a long time just for sex. It's generally hard for men to have sex and even men with a lot of sexual partners have less sex then those in a relationship. The idea of losing that keeps a lot of guys in a relationship where the only enjoyment comes from sex.

I fell into a relationship exactly that way when I was 19 with a girl who was really bad news but she was gorgeous and the idea of more sex with her kept me so attracted to her. I've seen my friends do the same and there's so many examples online.

[Phoenix98]

I feel like that's certainty the case with a lot of people now a days. They just do it to do it without any purpose or direction and that's part of the reason so many fail.

[Tulipsxoxo]

Exactly. They just do it for the sake of having a boyfriend/girlfriend, for the sake of sexual arousal and the fireworks. That makes you feel high temporarily and see them as the love of your life but in the end you don't even know them well at all. Remove the bedroom and it's likely they don't even know what their favorite coffee is, what is their shoe size, their favorite hobbies, how they handle conflicts and bills, etc.

[Phoenix98]

Often times that is the case.

[Nikki1989]

You can't have a meaningful relationship without pleasure and romance.

[Tulipsxoxo]

I never mentioned anything about a relationship without pleasure and romance. I was referring to a relationship that only has pleasure and romance but nothing else. There is no friendship, no respect, no trust and you really don't know the person very well outside of the bedroom.

[Tulipsxoxo]

It should be a balanced relationship where every single aspects/areas are meaningful, not just sexual desires.

[Yannae]

My goal is just companionship. Someone who has your back.

[CrabCakes11]

Why isn’t pleasure and romance a good enough reason?

[Tulipsxoxo]

That's because if that's all there is to it, there is a chance you don't really know the person very well at all once the fireworks fade. Pleasure and romance is part of the relationship but not everything in it.

[CrabCakes11]

How could you not know the person you’re dating? That’s not logical

[Tulipsxoxo]

That happens by just focusing on the sweet ''I love you'' words and the frequent sex. Sometimes people think they're in love with them and that they're so perfect, only to find out they have no idea what their shoe size is, how do they solve arguments, if they even want kids, how well they handle bills, etc.

[b_lova]

Unfortunately I think this has been the case for a very long time.

[PreferNot2Say]

Thanks for openly admitting that the guys women claim are "just friends" are really potential mates.

[DrPepper12]

Among your age group yes. Everything starts from the hookup. It's challenging to say the least. A good profile beats a good irl game. It's fucked up

[Anonymous]

We live one time, as far as we know. And who knows what circumstances are involved. If you can get that immediate gratifying response, how are you to judge?

[Tulipsxoxo]

I would like to actually love the man for his great qualities, for what he really is like overall and not just because of the great sex. I've seen several times that people get blinded by pleasure and think that's love and that they know the person when they don't. They only know how the person fuctions in the bedroom but not the whole personality, hobbies, values of that person.

[Opinion Owner]

I was challenging you and not disagreeing, by the way. I think it's great you hold a positive outlook on what it takes to have romance. Now, you just need the same type of guy to have the same synergy.

[BarryLiverstone]

Are you asking about friendships or romantic relationships?

[Tulipsxoxo]

There needs to be a deeper friendship level on a real, committed relationship.

[Tulipsxoxo]

Too many of those so called ''serious relationship'' are only focusing on the pure romance and sex, nothing else beyond that and that's when infatuation is confused for love.

[Tulipsxoxo]

It's about not just seeing them as your boyfriend/girlfriend, but also as your best friend too. If the bedroom is the only thing that gets people excited the most, that's where the downfall towards a relationship will start.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll assume you mean romantic relationships. There should be sexual tension and romantic energy in those relationships. Yes companionship, respect, trust all matter. But a longterm relationship with no kissing will fail 100%

[Tulipsxoxo]

Yes. I never mentioned anything about a relationship with no kissing. I only pointed that the sexual aspect of the relationship shouldn't be taking the whole cake. If the romance and sex makes up 80-90% of the relationship while trust, companionship, respect and the other aspect little to none that's a failed relationship.

[BarryLiverstone]

Everything should be a balance. If the relationship is 90% companionship that’s not good either.

In the beginning there is novelty and many people are excited and may focus more on sexuality. Obv that will not last for years and the people will settle into more balance

[Tulipsxoxo]

That's what I meant. There should be a balance too. Off course if it's 90% companionship, that would feel as if something lacking. Neither extremes in life are good.
It would be good if people were focusing on a balanced, healthy relationship from the start. If they focus too much on sexuality in the beginning, that distracts them from actually getting to fully know the person in depth, seeing their flaws (every person have flaws) and seeing if they can work out as a team.

[BarryLiverstone]

So I’ll disagree with you because I don’t believe people can start out just being friends and become sexual partners over time. If they are honest in the beginning and both don’t feel attraction then it’s likely the spark and chemistry will not evolve later. I can certainly see the merit in delaying sexual action until trust and respect have been built up but if the focus in the beginning is on just a friendship that’s not likely to lead towards marriage in my opinion.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll also add that every relationship is unique and cultures have different values. So while personally I would wait more than 3 months to have sex I can understand others wanting to take action in the first month

[Loner111]

I seek for a relationship, companionship as being alone is great, but sometimes it sucks.

[handsomelad70]

Especially us men.

[Tulipsxoxo]

That leads you to not knowing the person well at all.

[handsomelad70]

We're men. Often we just want to club the chick.

[Tulipsxoxo]

Then that's not really a serious relationship. That's a casual relationship or extended friends with benefits disguised as ''boyfriend and girlfriend''.

[handsomelad70]

She's a girl, I'm a boy. That's how it is sometimes.

[bananathunder]

sometimes you just need to nut...

[Tulipsxoxo]

and in the end you don't even know the person at all

[Tulipsxoxo]

how well they are in bed is only one trait out of many yet to discover. It doesn't explain what type of person they are overall.

[bananathunder]

in those cases it's only physical, so the other stuff doesn't really matter

[sheikalana]

Yup.

[LiamS95]

I agree

[Skyros]

Some do