I think a relationship becomes all about the girlfriend/wife.
I'm not saying they wouldn't care if you died very painfully in a horrible accident but on lesser things they can be quite indifferent.
One of the resources women want from men is their time and a man focusing on his issues is a man withdrawing the resource of his time/attention from the woman which they might resent.
I was doing fly in/fly out work in another capital city for a year and finally got work in my capital which was great because with fly in fly out all you do is work/eat/sleep/fly and recover for the next week.
On the second day in the new job we were all told the work is being off-shored. Great the new job has evaporated in only 2 days. I had been hired to be sacked. I was quite unhappy and distressed at this as jobs in my field don't come up all that often.
On the way home I was looking unhappy enough, at the tram stop, for a stranger girl to approach me and ask "What's wrong?". "My job is being off-shored" I replied. Getting a little acknowledgement & sympathy from a stranger did mean something.
When I got home I told my girlfriend the same. She responded with stuff about her day. I thought she hadn't heard me so I repeated. I got a grunt in reply. I thought my news merited a little more so I repeated more loudly. This time I got a sentence. "Well you're a contractor so you have to expect that".
So yeah. A complete stranger can care about you more than a girlfriend/wife.
And why are you still with a woman who doesn’t give a shit about you?
Not. That event convinced me to move on. She claimed to love me etc etc and I believed it. Obviously she didn't feel enough love to feel concern for some bad news I had had and was presumably with me for other reasons than love.
The answer to your question could be that over time men experience evidence that their woman doesn't really give a shit about their life.
@Caroline91 Reassessed quite some time ago. :) Overall it is a good thing when a person demonstrates they don't have a place in your life since they don't waste anymore of it. I should have been quicker as I came close to dumping her very early for selfishness.
I’d say that’s something to look for as a red flag in the early dating phase. Live and learn. My husband and I never even dated. We had gotten to know each other so well while not in a romantic relationship that we just got married. As he put it, he just had to wait for me to grow up enough so he could marry me lol
@Caroline91 Yes it is live and learn, as always. And yes the writing was in big red letters on the wall the whole time if I had the wit to read it.
One of the problems - as I now know - is we are much inclined to read people through our own frame. It doesn't occur to an honest person that someone might be flat out dishonest. If someone tells you they honest then count your fingers.
“Care” manifests itself differently in the minds and hearts of different people and what many women offer their man as signs of caring is often misunderstood or simply missed by the guy. (We do the same thing when our guy does something that seems odd to us but caring to them.)
With some guys, there’s certainly some level of anxiety or paranoia about sharing feelings and details — perhaps a lack of trust based on past experience with women, perhaps a sense of wariness that their partner will use the details as “ammo” in an argument. 🤷🏻♀️ It leads to lack of reciprocity and ultimately major doubts that the relationship can flourish. (After all, in its ideal form a good relationship should be about two hearts and souls soaring through a lifetime together in a bond of trust… A good physical chemistry’s important too. 😉.)
With this in mind, if you approach your partner with honest and open communication and a genuine intention to build a trusting relationship, he should ultimately be able to settle into it (receiving as well as offering caring and tenderness), but the journey to that point might be a bit rough-and-tumble for a while.
As the woman you generally need patience, understanding and a good sense of humor to help your ease into the prospect of caring and being vulnerable for you. (For the more hard-as-nails guys, a girl needs nerves of steel and a strong stomach so as not to get affected by the guy’s propensity for “flash fire” arguments. 🫣)
That's just men projecting because statistics and anectodatal evidence shows time and time again that men are more likely to abandon women when their health takes a turn for the worse or any other issue that lessens the amount of domestic service they can derive from women.
I go into relationships expecting to be the one that has to be strong and give more while also receiving significantly less. I personally believe that since women are given a lot more validation than men are, they don't understand how men feel at all and they don't know what it's like to be us. Then they are taught we men are vicious predators so they have all the more reason not to give a shit about us or empathize with us.
Why would they value the relationship? Women can throw the man away and get a new guy within a week if he shows weakness or gives her the "ick." She doesn't have to deal with the guys that talk about their feelings or want support when she can get some muscle bound dude with money who is so hardened by the street life he's going to take her on an emotional roller coaster and give her a big high.
I think the last thing most women want is a genuine guy who is soft-spoken, open about his feelings and prioritizes her above himself. They view that as a weakness.
And if you take exception to this because you are an exception? Good for you. I wasn't talking about you.
Diving right into the deep end, aren't we? Love is all about opening those floodgates of vulnerability and letting your true self shine through. It's a myth as old as time itself - this idea that showing a softer side will have a partner heading for the hills. But here's the inside scoop from someone who's seen it all: most partners who truly care about you are waiting, almost longing, to connect on that deeper, more real level. It's not about whether men *believe* their significant others don't care; it's more about overcoming those societal hurdles that whisper, "Keep it all locked up, buddy." When you find that special someone who sticks around for both the laughs and the tears, you've hit the relationship jackpot. So, here's to finding and being that caring partner who not only listens but truly hears. 🍀
Opinion
32Opinion
Women are built to want men who are strong emotionally and can't break easily by stuff, which is good. But at the same time a man is still a human being with weaknesses, and won't always be able to handle everything.
So even when a man does break, a lot of women can't deal with it and either hate him for it or feel like he's being a baby. This is also because women are more selfish emotionally by nature and want to be the ones to break down and be cared about, not wanting to have to do it for a man who should be tough.
Ironically though, you have a ton of messed up women who will baby and support guys who have no real care or love for them.
You are talking about men in general, some men do believe women don’t care about them. I’m not one of those men. A female aide said to me, “Stop crying, boys don’t cry!” which made me cry more then there was this female teacher who believed all boys are dumber than girls even though the girls were more behind than the boys in this particular class of ours…. I don’t let them get to me because the friends that I love are women and I have a great girlfriend so, clearly those pieces of crap who don’t care about men aren’t the majority, Let’s just respect one another beyond gender, race, religion and base it on each of our individual character.
@MisterWack I would say “character” is a key word here. I will raise my daughters to understand that there is a difference between personality and character. Look at someone’s character.
@Caroline91
I didn’t know you had daughters, well you are a great mother for saying that and you are raising them well to teach them the difference between personality & character and to always focus on their character, you are wise also very mature. Thank you as always for sharing your wisdom and maturity.
@MisterWack Yes, I have a 5 yo and an 18 mo, both little girlies. Thank you for the lovely compliment.
@Caroline91
5 yr old and 18 month old, wow!
Should’ve told me sooner would’ve sent best wishes earlier. I send best wishes and a great promising future of happiness & prosperity to come in their way. They do have a great mother looking after them, so I’m sure they’re on the right path already. Very sweet & cute, thank you for informing me!
@MisterWack Ever and always, Wacky! Lol
Did you ever see the Terminator movies? A woman is like the Terminator robot. Some of them are like the T-800 that came to cherish & value humanity. Others are like the robots that have 1 mission and everything else in life is expendable.
A man can also be like this but the key thing is that men like to understand & tinker with something fascinating like the T-800 or T-1000. Women (the vast majority) do not. So a man comes to understand how Terminator programming works and she does not care and claims it's nonsense.
By the way, a traditional masculine dude does NOT CARE if you really care or not. He does require loyalty. His existence, life goals and such is not dependent on you caring.
From my experience, and I've worked in male dominated fields my entire life, I've had quite a few men say things like this, that their spouse views them as just a paycheck for example. It's hard to say a percentage, but but I would guess somewhere around 40%. It's not something I think they like to admit.
The other part of this is understanding:
*Women are valued for who they ARE
*Men are valued for what the DO
*Women's value (beauty fertility) early in life is at maximum, but will fade.
*Men's value early in life is zero, but can grow.
So yes it does feel very transactional for men. Guys understand at an early age that most elements of female attraction involve what service can you provide, but the truth is most guys are cool with that.
This is so accurate.
@Goahead76 Why are your coworkers still married? Why would they let themselves be taken advantage like that?
@Peridot25. Because they know other men who have done it and have lost everything. It breaks up the family, is really awful for your kids, and you'll lose half your net worth, she keeps the house, while you live in an apartment and pay child support for 10+ years. And... aside from all that, there's no guarantee your next relationship won't go the same way. But the same goes for women who are in abusive relationships they often feel trapped, it's the same thing with men who are in these kinds of situations, sexless marriages etc..
So yeah! 😄 I definitely think we need creative people who can figure out how to structure marriage contracts and related issues so it's something people want to do, something they're eager for, because it's a beautiful thing when it works. It needs a legal overhaul to make it more attractive.
I think there's going to be some dramatic change on this in the near future though. Dating, marriage and family formation has fallen off such a cliff that the usual tactic of immigration isn't working, it's not enough. The government is going to have to radically incentivize getting married and having kids. These are the issues presidential campaigns should be discussing day and night.
I agree. Folks don't want to the high risk and perceived low reward
Logically you have to know all men don't think the same so then the answer is automatically no not all men. I'm sure you do but your question isn't really specific. That said, of course some do. They're probably just bitter about a few past relationships and then psychologically they need to blame every woman instead of the one or few or even themselves for what might have transpired to make them feel this way.
I think a better question is if you're a man, that feels that women don't care about them at all, tell me why?
I like your questions and I want to give you an honest answer but sometimes honesty makes people angry.
I think most women care about thier view of what a relationship is more than most men's view. And everything she does is towards that end. And if that just happens to make a man happy fabulous. But if it doesn't she feels he needs to just get with the program. Because she's doing what's best for both of them. But that's the problem. She decided she knows what she wants, but she's also decided she knows what he wants. That's not caring about someone. That's controlling someone.
Hope this doesn't offend you.
Most well adjusted men don't think that way and for good reason.
But then again most well adjusted men don't crawl the internet whining and complaining and perpetuating a non existing stereotype.
The few who do are fairly loud and so they create this narrative. Unfortunately influencing many men who where still discovering how life works
They dont. All the women friends stopped talking to me when they found a boyfriend.
Every time i invited any of them for a drink they said yes ad never showed up.
Hell, my ex didn't even want to go out with me and only notices me when she needed me. The reat of the time she acted as if im inconveniencing her.
Women only care when it benefits them
I mean…. are your friends not allowed to have boyfriends? And why invite your ex if you knew how she was? That one was on you.
The happy couples with support and without problems aren't going to be here complaining about it, are they? This site is mostly populated by those with troubles, so troubles will seem particularly overabundant here.
Availability bias and all that.
It's mostly men and women who were raised in broken/damaged households who feel that way. And it's probably true for them, since being raised in that environment tends to make people poor decision makers.
I only really hear that from men who aren't in a relationship. And usually they are only saying that because they just yelled upstairs for their mom to bring down more hot pockets but she's in the bathroom instead of waiting for orders.
Yeah, nobody likes me just the fact I have money
Without that I am nothing even my organs aren't worthy of donating
This song sums it up quite well I feel
Because it's true. It happened to me. In reality, a lot of women will leave. Most women want traditional masculine men and get even turned off by men having hobbies that are considered girly. Cry, tell about hardships, hard days... poof... your value can either go down or up. It's a gamble that a lot of men don't want to deal with.
Let me give a scenario: If a man is feeling suicidal and he ends his life without his partner’s knowing. She’s out buying groceries and she comes home to his dead body. Do you believe she’s the blame for his death?
Since she’s a woman, she’s deemed as a non caring person.
Being vulnerable never got me anywhere compared to being stoic. Nice guys are vulnerable and we all know what happens to nice guys.
No, but I do feel like many of the women in my life are less supportive (and less receptive to trying to be supportive) of me than I am of them.
Some women do and some don't just as some men do and some don't. The key is in knowing which ones are which and trying to be with the real lovers.
It isn't that we feel they don't care about us. It is that the vast majority of men experience conditional love from their partners
It's an ugly truth that many men are reluctant to believe. But many women who claim to love their man, doesn't.
It’s hard for a man to show his vulnerability because once he does that a woman encourages him to show more vulnerability, which he can’t handle at some point. To a certain extent, not expressing your vulnerability keeps it under control
I do not believe that women care about their men or any men.
Then should I cut out my family members that are men?
m never ever had to worry about this...
it just doesn't cross my mind
Women love you until they don't. Then they depise you.
Sure, individual women care about the individual men in their lives. Mothers care about their sons. But society in general, and women in particular, do not care about men as a group.
I barely recall pinks caring about me 😐
That's my Homemade data
why should we care about what men believe? most of them are losers anyway
@Hunter242 why should be care about creeps and rapists trying to harm us?
@Anonymous And women are better how? Y’all are a bunch of bitches.
women don't try to hurt men. men are the ones trying to hurt women
That’s fucking bullshit. Women hurt men all the time. Women are no better.
I really have to disagree. I see most men as good guys, but the current culture encourages women to disrespect men, in general, on a large scale. Yes, there are bad guys out there and we, as women, must be discerning. There are good and bad women, too, and men need to focus on the good ones. This attitude that all men are losers is creating an extremely toxic environment and causing men to give up on women in droves. Is a little baby boy a loser? How does he grow up to be a loser when a woman mostly raised him? So, tell me, please... what are women going to do without the other half of the human race?
@Peridot25 And we need to BE better, don't we? I am so in your court on this. Somehow, those of us who believe this have to come together and help men right now so they don't give up on us. Kudos to you for speaking up!
@mayurr Totally agree.
@Caroline91 "what are women going to do without the other half of the human race?"
Women want to discover a way to reproduce, by taking some cells from women herself an implanting in in the womb to produce a daughter. In that way women will give birth to women only and men will become obsolete. Perhaps this is a good idea, because men are treated as second class citizens. I would not wish anybody to be born as a man (looser). It is better for everybody if men are no longer born, than everybody will win.
@Caroline91 @Peridot25 thanks for giving a damn. No offense but I usually assume most women expect men to be strong even if it's subconsciously and they don't want to care about men because then in their mind he will be weak. Women want to be the ones being cared for and they want to be the ones that are allowed to be vulnerable while Superman with all of his vulnerabilities buried deep inside of him takes care of them.
@Juxtapose I also heard about that shrinking chromosome Y. The future is 100% female.
@Juxtapose I believe in a relationship that, yes, a man protects a woman. But she is his refuge. I create a calm, peaceful home for my husband where he can put aside all of the outside stress and worries, talk to me about anything, give and receive all the love and tenderness he needs to recharge and go take on the world again. It is a mutual give and take born from love and respect for each other as equal partners. We are blessed in each other.
@Caroline91 I can kick over my head and punch with 35 lb weights at least 25 times each and I went to martial arts for 11 years. I'm comfortable with physical protection as long as she at least tries to protect me as well if something happens. I don't like women who are helpless and don't lift a finger to help me when I am being killed!
I also don't want to be a damn piggy bank, especially since I won't have children.
But if a woman can be like you and be open without using what I tell her against me later on? Cool.
@Caroline91 A relationship where man protects women is not It is a mutual give and take... as equal partners. Because protection... mean fighting to defend something/someone and may end in loosing a life. I understand you want men to fight for you in battles or something. Sitting in home and making it calm is a very light task in comparison. It is more like a leisure.
@Juxtapose Yes. That is why shrinking chromosome is good news. For me is too late. I was born man so I lost at a game of life. But in future everybody will be females, so everybody will win. Future generations will be happy.
@_piotr I don’t ever want to be without my husband and I hope to have a son one day, in addition to our 2 little girls. Men and women balance and enrich one another’s lives, in a good relationship. We all need to stop this gender war and start appreciating each other again. I will give you and every other person, man or woman, kindness and respect unless they push ill will on me or my family. Let’s have peace among us!
@Caroline91 unfortunately unless you change humanity's genetic makeup we are never going to truly have peace. I mean hell, if you train artificial intelligence to be competitive they will actually cheat without being prompted. Even machines can't escape depravity.
@Juxtapose Part of being human is having a conscience and that is what makes it at least a possibility.
@Caroline91 that's not actually strictly human. I know sociopaths who don't have mirror neurons.. a. k. a if you get hurt in front of them they won't feel your pain like normal people. They won't cry if their child dies, they are devoid of empathy besides the logical side of it.
Still great people who recognize the value of coexisting.
@Juxtapose Yes, but sociopaths are a very small minority, and I question their humanity bc of the lack of conscience. I have children to raise, I have to have hope.
@Caroline91 A conscience is great for things like love because without that sense of meaning you get a more shallow and boring feeling life I imagine. I adore kind, intelligent people.
What gives you hope? Without genetic engineering to change humans at a fundamental level won't they keep making these same selfish mistakes over and over again?
I don't think it's that we think they don't care about us, it's just they'll never care as much as we do
Don't know. Never been in a relationship before.
I've seen many married women take care of their man & also seen some selfish women who don't care.
I know my girlfriend cares about me, but I refuse to make my problems her problems. It isn't her job to support me in that way.
As I've always said. Women are biologically incapable of caring about men.
Basically,. Or their version of care is a fraction of his. But when you understand the purpose/differences between the genders it's not a problem. Expecting her to care like a man is like expecting a woman to have balls. It's a problem for guys who believed all the brainwashing they got from the media and/or who decided to simp for a woman.
Apparently some believe this. I don't know why though.
Because at an earlier point in time I thought she did and now I want to be in my kid's life.
My wife is one of the good ones.
Most people do not care about strangers in general
Yes 😩
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