How do I say no?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship for the time being. He likes to fall asleep on the phone with me and have the phone next to him while we sleep. I thought that was cute and all in the beginning but I'm slowly just starting to get tired of it. I brought this up one time, recently and this made him cry. It actually upset him that bad when I told him I need some space right now and that I need to get off the phone some nights. Now I really don't know how to bring this up again because I'm just scared of dealing with that kind of reaction again! I feel like this may even be borderline manipulative. I don't know what to do. Other than this situation, we really do have a healthy relationship where I have no doubt he loves me. He can be a little clingy and this is just one of those examples.

[ProbablyClueless]

He started to... cry? Jesus christ, how do so many of these types of people get into relationships?

The way you say no in a situation like that is to pull the bandaid off and just say it directly. It might be a bit awkward, and he might turn on the waterworks, but you have to stand your ground. Say "no" and mean it.

[slatyb]

"I brought this up one time, recently and this made him cry." He sounds extremely needy. Is he worth it? Few women would find this acceptable.

"I have no doubt he loves me" -- How do you know? What does he do to meet your needs?

[DishLady]

Ldr are tough and everyone goes through emotional phases… this is just one of them in your case.


Sit down and chat w your man….

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

That's why compatibility is important. One is clingy, one needs space. One of you needs to adjust, or it's not going to work out.

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you're hesitant to bring it up again after his strong reaction. However, it's essential to address your needs and boundaries in the relationship.

Choose the right time. Find a suitable moment when you're both calm and relaxed. Avoid bringing it up during emotional or stressful moments.

Use "I" statements. Express your feelings and needs using "I" statements instead of "you" statements, which can come across as accusatory. For example, "I feel overwhelmed and need some space at night" instead of "You're being too clingy."

Avoid blaming or criticizing. Refrain from making him feel like his behavior is wrong or suffocating. Focus on your own needs and desires.

Offer alternatives. Suggest alternative ways to stay connected, like scheduling regular calls or video chats during the day.

Reassure him. Let him know that you value your relationship and appreciate his love, but you need some personal space to recharge.

Remember, communication is key. Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.

As for the potential manipulation, consider having an open and honest conversation about your concerns. It's possible that he's not aware of the impact his behavior is having on you, and working through this together can strengthen your relationship.

[aengus27]

So, you're trying to set a boundary? And he doesn't like it. Yeah, we all have things we want limits on
But, I can't say I don't understand being clingy cos I've been there myself...

Anyways, I think it's a perfectly reasonable boundary. And I don't think him crying was entirely manipulative

[Mythical1]

Honestly, he probably really likes you, but unfortunately it sounds like he is very insecure and may have attachment issues.
Explain to him you also need your space, but whatever you do don't try to be his therapist.

[Asker]

Lol. Hopefully I won't need therapy because of him...

[Ria-xo]

Be honest with him and tell him again and that your not trying to hurt his feelings but y'all can't do that shit forever! If he can't accept it then tell him oh well then take it how you want I'm telling you that I need space right now and you should respect that add I would for you

[Nikki1989]

You know phones have an off function?

[Makeushiver]

Clingy is a drag. Tell him you have difficulty falling asleep when you know he's capable of listening in. Maybe even add that the guy sleeping with you doesn't like it either.

[PreferNot2Say]

Get a new local boyfriend. Guys these days are weak and
effeminate. Real men don't cry over something so stupid.

[MisterWack]

I mean, talk to him at a different time than late at night I guess.

[Alex-Snow]

Tell him that you are on the phone to talk and share things not to fall asleep. Are you having any sex talk with him... that might keep him awake?

[Finchie40]

He cried? Dump his ass now

[Asker]

Is this a major red flag?

[Finchie40]

Yes he is manipulative and sounds controlling, he will only get worse if you continue to stay with him , he is the type of person that will constantly point fingers at you if things don’t go his way , he will assume you are up to no good and point fingers at you constantly, he won’t trust you and will try to play a victim

[Iron_Man]

Let’s put it this way what else are you getting tired of? if it starts going up to 5 or six certain things, your relationships in trouble

[moneymagnet24]

"Made him cry" 😂😂😂
You still talk on phone? Damn I seriously fuck up if I talk more then 10min on call.

[Anonymous]

Does he ask you to read him a bedtime story as well? I don't consider myself a tough guy by any means. But even I'd tell this guy to find his balls.

[DarkLegacy]

Just cut all ties with him

[Anonymous]

The reflags are there

[Danny_dan92]

Nnno

[Level10Hottie]

Dont