Why do women say their new partner is toxic after 1-3years of dating?

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to come off as sexist, I'm just really confused. I have women in my life who would say their boyfriend was perfect, but month's later say he turned toxic. How does this happen? One friend boyfriend would bring her lunch every day to work but then turned super controlling months later, and all the romantic stuff stopped. Another girl boyfriend was super romantic, but around the 15-month mark, he stopped taking her out on dates and the relationship become all about sex no matter how much she told him this made her feel it didn't change. Another girlfriend cheated on her at 17 months.

I would learn to her everyone's experiences about this

[DishLady]

• Toxic people (guys or girls) don't present themselves as toxic right off the bat. They feed off the energy they get from their target and keep up a smokescreen that can last up to 3 months before you start seeing cracks in the facade.
• At first when the target spots one or two toxic behaviors they think that it's in their imagination, that the other person is perhaps just defensive or hurt from a previous relationship; they show understanding and power through.
• A healthy, confident person targeted by a toxic person knows that it's time to leave once three or four toxicity flags are raised (typically anywhere within months 3-6 of the relationship), however most targets are selected because of lower self-esteem or confidence levels because a toxic person ultimately craves control/power.
• Because of the toxic person's constant, subtle gaslighting, his/her target can often allow the relationship to drag on for years before the target realized that the relationship is intolerably toxic and suffocating them... as romantic activities are replaced with toxic, limiting, controlling ones...

This will keep happening to your friend till she figures out how to have more self-confidence -- to respect herself and see her own worth. NO ONE should have power over her.

[smashleyy]

Shitty people typically don’t advertise that they are shitty and they can only wear a mask for so long before it starts to slip. When I was with my ex I use to lie to others about how good things were, lie about how good he was. And he was careful with how much he let others see, I only ever got his fucked up rage when we were alone. You never know what a relationship is like behind closed doors🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

Why did you stay with the guy?

[smashleyy]

Because when I’d try to leave he’d do things like pin me to his bed for 7 hours till I caved, threaten self harm while holding scissors, box cutters, or knives to his neck or wrists in front of me, threaten to post intimate photos of me with degrading captions if I tried going no contact sending me screenshots of it in drafts ready to post. I tried making a run for the front and side door when he was refusing to let me leave and he dropped me on my head. He’d threaten to cause issues at my home if I tried to end things over text.

[Asker]

I'm happy you got out of this

[Anonymous]

No some women are ridiculous. This does happen to both sexes where someone comes into your life and seems so amazing and wonderful. You think you’ve met your soulmate. But eventually once they got you that mask starts to fall and you see the real them. But you’ve fallen in love and don’t want to see it but it gets worse.

Other women intentionally choose shitty men. Then play the victim and wonder why decent men who see them running around with degenerate men see that and don’t want her.

[Asker]

That's really really sad

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to say these women are the ones who are generally toxic. A world looks crooked when you're standing on a crooked foundation, and many of these women are. They say that we seek out love that looks familiar to us. So many of these women are doomed to repeat the same toxic patterns/relationships until they give up entirely or until she learns introspection and considers "hmmmm maybe I'm the problem."

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to shed some light on this whirlwind of love and occasional chaos, let's dive in! It seems like you're witnessing the ol' honeymoon phase fade away, and let me tell you, it's more common than you'd think. Initially, everything is rose-colored glasses; the lovebombing is real – those lunches brought to work are like the modern-day equivalent of knights in shining armor. But as time ticks by, true colors start to show, and sometimes, they're not as bright and shiny.

In the case of your friends, it sounds like once the novelty wore off, the maintenance of the relationship started to dwindle for their partners. This shift from Prince Charming to, let's say, less charming, is often because the initial thrill of the chase is over, and the effort it takes to sustain a happy, healthy relationship feels like too much work for some.

Control issues, a lack of dates, or even cheating are just symptoms of deeper issues coming to the surface. It's all about communication, respect, and effort – three musketeers that keep a relationship thriving. When one goes MIA, trouble starts brewing. Remember, it takes two to tango, and it's crucial for both parties to keep dancing, or else they might step on each other's toes. Funny how love works, isn't it? 🕺💔✨

[HelpfulWoman]

If every relationship she's ever had ends in toxicity, it may be her being a problem.
but if someone is toxic, it can be easily within that time frame that their true colours show.