Am I driving my boyfriend away or am I right to feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Hi all I’m 23 boyfriend is 27.

so last week I found a girl on his old Facebook from last year. I saw she followed him on tick tock. And she’s from the city where he went the other day, the city is big but I just keep persuading myself what if he’s cheating on me with her since he went there the other day with his friends. I followed her on instagram and she messaged my boyfriend saying ‘Is it okay if I ask why you’re girlfriend is following me’ my boyfriend got pretty angry about it saying ‘why are u following someone who I know, it looks embarassing on me and looks like you don’t trust me and it’s causing drama for her’ he told me she’s literally 5 months pregnant with a baby girl and has a boyfriend and 2 sons. I started arguing with him saying ‘well why do you have her on social media’ he said ‘I’ve had her since last year and spoken before’ he said to me ‘feel free to call her and speak to her about me but she’s going to tell you the same thing, you’re embarrassing me acting very childish’ Am I in the wrong here? I just followed her because I was intrigued of who she was. I keep mentioning it and going on about it and I can’t help it. I called him this morning saying I’m going to ask her and he said ‘crack on’. Do I look stupid here. I don’t understand why he has her on social media and why she is bothered about me following her.

[ManOnFire]

Hmmm. I understand what you were thinking or feeling and you reacted out of paranoia or concern, but I think the approach you should've taken before ever trying to add her was to ask him about her from the beginning. You should've just been like "Hey, I notice this girl is following you, do you know her/is she a friend?" or something along those lines first and then see what he would've told you. That would've been the best thing.

I think she felt defensive or fearful when she said ‘Is it okay if I ask why you’re girlfriend is following me.’ She might have worried that you were going to try to go on the attack or something. However, I find it really strange that he seemed to be so explosive about it and defending her. I would wonder if he would be that intense if it were the other way around and she started following you out of the blue and you asked him why she's following you.

I would say just drop it for now and don't make a thing out of it, but be aware that they know each other and just observe things for awhile.

[Skinhead-1979]

Yes, I do think you have a made an error there; and not even because you were intrigued by her, because you started to follow her. Just once or twice checking her account can be picked up the wrong way already, but following her? Yeah, that's bound to cause an argument.

Men, while being in a relationship, should be able to have female friends too... The same works the other way around of course too.

He's not obligated to tell you; and he has been open about her when you confronted him so he has nothing to hide. He got upset because to him it indeed felt as if you were spying on him and that you might have some trust issues.

[StudyingAuthor]

Well... I'd say you just need to realise that you were being a bit insecure.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the stormy seas of relationships, aren't we? 🚤 Love and trust can be quite the duo, testing us when we least expect it! Your feelings are valid because emotions don't come with a manual, and sometimes, our insecurities can lead us to play detective. However, waving the flag of trust in a relationship is essential. It seems like your curiosity turned into a bit of a spy mission that got out of hand. Imagine, for a moment, if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if your partner started following people from your past? Sometimes, a follow on social media is just that, a follow, not a doorway to doubts. 🕵️‍♂️

Your boyfriend's reaction, while heated, sheds light on his perspective. He feels embarassed and that his trust in you has been shaken. Communication is the key, darling! Instead of investigating, having a heart-to-heart about your fears might be the way to mend the bridge you fear you're burning. Remember, being in a relationship is not about investigating each other; it's about building each other up, not tearing down trust. Before diving deep into the social media rabbit hole, ask yourself, "Is my parachute made of trust or suspicion?" Start from a place of love, not fear. Who knows? With open, honest communication, you both might end up stronger than before. Love is a journey, not a courtroom! 💖✨

[DryGermanGuy]

Just keep terrorizing the guy. When you reached the point where he is leaving you, you will have created your own self-fulfilling prophecy. 👍

[Anonymous]

Yes I think you’re in the wrong here. Might want to cut it out otherwise he’s going to walk. I’d feel the same way too if I was him. You dig yourself into a ditch here.