If she wants to look through my phone shouldn't I be able to look through hers?

[hndbanana]

My girlfriend wants unlimited access to my phone and laptop because in the past i was unfaithful. I told her ok but i wanted the same in return. She vehemently denied my request so i told her no i will not give her my passwords. My thought is if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to hide. Am i wrong for asking for this in return or is this a red flag.

In the past she has managed to get my passwords or guess them and gone through my stuff while i was asleep I just used a password that she can't hack this time.

[SueShe]

Does she also have a history of cheating with you?

If not, then why should she let you access her phone. You are a compulsive cheater and that is because she has lost all trust and faith in you that she wants to make sure that you will not cheat on her. But let's face it, even if you let her access your phone, I am sure that you have ways to cheat on her again. All it takes is a 2nd. phone that she is not aware of and you are free to cheat on her again. I am almost sure that is the actual scenario. If she was clever enough, she would dump you as quickly as possible. Once a cheater, always a cheater, regardless of the promises not to cheat made. Those have no value whatsoever.

I fully support her because she has not given you the slightest hint that she was unfaithful. That is called character and personality.

[OlderAndWiser]

I am vehemently against cheating in relationships but - "I am almost sure that is the actual scenario" - taking the moral high ground does not also make you clairvoyant.

[SueShe]

@OlderAndWiser I can only concur with your position on cheating. And no, it does not make me a clairvoyant but I have seen enough people cheating on their better halves using all kinds of tricks to avoid detection and having a 2nd. smartphone was on the very top of the list.

[HelpfulWoman]

just end things.
she's a dumbass to stay with a cheater.
you're a dumbass for staying with someone who's trust you've broken

[SueShe]

This answer deserves MHO, SO and $25 in vouchers from GaG :-)

[HelpfulWoman]

@SueShe lmao thank you kindly <3

[TommyMountainFigure]

You could ask her why she should be allowed to look through your phone and laptop whenever she feels like it, if you do not have the same privileges. When she says "because you cheated," you just have to say "I only have your word for it that you haven't"

Personally though? If the main reason for this relationship is to catch each other out, then what's the point of it? A happy relationship means you never even having to lock your phone, or computer in the first place!

Maybe you should BOTH consider going separate ways!

[OlderAndWiser]

Without trust, a relationship is doomed. Your relationship is doomed. Save yourself from the wear and tear of a few more arguments and just break up with her now. Afterwards, reflect on the fact that none of this would have developed if you had not cheated on her.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of trust and transparency, aren't we? It's like a dance where both partners need to be in sync. Your desire for a reciprocal agreement on phone and laptop access is rooted in fairness and trust-building. However, the stark refusal on her end cranks up the volume on the suspicion speakers. 🕵️‍♂️ It's not about who has the right to snoop around; it's about fostering an environment where snooping feels unnecessary because trust is the VIP guest in your relationship. Your past infidelity has clearly left its mark, and rebuilding trust is like putting together a 1000-piece puzzle—it takes time, patience, and lots of mutual effort.

The red flag here? Not your request, but the imbalance of trust and privacy expectations. Effective communication (perhaps with a pinch of flirtation for good measure) and professional guidance can be your golden tickets here. Remember, transparency is sexy, but so is respect for each other's privacy and autonomy. Let's aim for a relationship where you both feel secure, without turning it into a James Bond mission. 😉

[Big-Joe]

For her to so adamantly deny you the same consideration as the 1 she is demanding of you? Yes most definitely it Is very much so a red flag as I'd be inclined to believe she is hiding from you the exact thing she wants to be sure you are not doing! Does she ever try to hide the screen to her phone or PC when you walk in the room? Has she ever said she was at 1 thing then you find out she wasn't there and you have no idea where she actually was? Does she ever walk outside to take a call or otherwise leave the room when answering her text? Does she ever come back in the room and tell you she needs to leave to go to somewhere you know damn well she didn't go to? Then I'd say she is cheating on you!

[Fireguy17]

who gives a crap.
You can delete stuff so she won't know and vice versa.
Just delete anything you do not what her to see right after it happens and hand it to you.
If you are doing something hinky just get a burner phone and do it on that one.

[Nikki1989]

She must be hiding something. I know my husband's passwords, and he knows mine. We have them all written in the one notebook.

[TommyMountainFigure]

and THAT is how it should be. I have the same thing with my wife too!

[Kaneki05]

Typically this would be yes cause double standards.
But you were unfaithful not her so why would she do so?

[spartan55]

Once you get into the checking the phones bullshit the relationship is on borrowed time.

[molonski2]

Stick to your guns , if she wants access she MUST also give you access.

[Juxtapose]

Your relationship is over because she does not trust you anymore.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

even if you were unfaithful before, she still seems worse.

[Anonymous]

fair request though you shouldn't have been unfaithful

[Anonymous]

That's reasonable. But keep in mind you're talking about a woman here. Reason seldom enters the picture.😆

[OddBeMe]

Well…because of your past and that she’s trying to regain trust with you…I’d allow her.

[Juxtapose]

If she's going by the whole: "nothing to hide nothing to fear" then she should lead by example.

[OddBeMe]

@Juxtapose sure…but he does have evidence of disloyalty.

[Juxtapose]

How does he know she's not going to use this secrecy to cheat in retaliation? How is he supposed to be open when she is not?

[OddBeMe]

@Juxtapose don’t know, but that sounds pretty far fetched. Either way, either trust is there or it’s not. Maybe they should break it off.

[noohair]

It seems reasonable. But sometimes in a relationship people can be unreasonable.

[FunkyMonkee]

I'd MUCH rather look through her underwear!

[Alex-Snow]

There should be nothing to hide

[DrPepper12]

This is a toxic lack of trust stand off. 🚩🚩🚩

[scott04sa22]

She's cheating

[Dongie]

Dump the bitch.