Is it better to distance yourself from a crush or let it fizzle out naturally?

[Crimsyjo]

It's so hard! Like a rollercoaster. When you get attention from your crush you feel on top of the world. And that buzz feeling is so addictive and pleasurable. But when either next day they don't give you attention or reality hits that you are fooling yourself over this person it is a major downer.

I'm addicted to this guy but it hurts so much too! And the mixed signals I get frustrate me.

I had a little crush before whom in the end I cut off from. Felt better. The later we reconnected and I don't see why I ever thought so much of him now! It's healthier as we can just be casual friends without messy emotions.

But my connection with this new crush is much deeper. At least on my side. And we had physical as well as emotional bond. But it won't ever be anything for several reasons. Which I know and knew from the start. I both love and hate this obsessive feeling I feel !!

But it's also stopping me feeling a buzz for anyone else...

[loveslongnails]

All crushes meet one of these fates: a) they flame out because you pursued it and it didn't happen, b) they become something more because of you DID something and it DID work out, c) they fade out because you did nothing and it lost its power over you.

If "C" happens, you might then do d) replace them with a new crush, and start the whole process all over again, ad nauseum.

[Crimsyjo]

Wise words. And agreed. B will never happen tho.

[loveslongnails]

You won't know that unless you DO something about it. I'll tell you exactly why it's 67% chance for a win.
a) You approach and get rudely rejected or laughed at, etc. That tells you he's an asshole and then you can stop wasting your energy crushing on a guy who's a dickhead
b) You approach and get gently rejected for any number of reasons, but with some kindness. He's a nice person, but he's just interested. This also allows you to stop wasting energy on a guy who doesn't want you romantically. It will sting at first, but at least you KNOW.
c) You approach and something good happens. He's interested. Whether or not it works out in the long run, you'll find out, but your crush is interested.

So, two out the three situations are a plus despite the temporary sting of the second. That's a 66.6% positive outcome in your favor. If you do nothing at all, your only chance of a positive outcome is if he approaches you, which is 0% if he's not interested and at best 33% if he is.

In other words, DO something!!

[Crimsyjo]

I totally agree with your assessment. For normal situations. Although rejection would be especially hard if you had to see eachother in some context such as work or college...
My situation is very different tho. We started as fuck buddies. So sexual chemistry was amazing. But not enough. He kept saying he was too tired or busy with work to meet often enough. Which would have been end of it if I figured he just wasn't interested after a few booty calls. But his intense attention and messaging daily confused me. And I asked him directly many times if he liked me or we should just be friends. And he would never give me a direct answer. Just say something like "I wouldn't talk to you if I didn't want you in my life"..
But things did end. After I pulled back and just asked how he was in a caring friend way.
But now he's back and intensely messaging me. But has a girlfriend! So nothing physical can happen again. I don't know what he wants from me! I feel like we have a bond. But maybe that's just my crush emotions tricking me.

[loveslongnails]

It should be VERY clear what he wants from you -- you're the side chick. You're the entertainment when he's bored with his girlfriend. He knows you have a crush on him, and he knows you loved the sex with him, so he's going to keep you as a plaything, if you let him.

Don't mistake physical or sexual chemistry with an ex fuck buddy for a REAL bond. Besides, why do you want a guy who is fucking around on his girlfriend, and why would you want to be the side chick? Be politely uninterested in his games if you must work with him and find yourself a new lover or boyfriend.

[Crimsyjo]

Yes this!! Your right. I needed to hear this today. Cos he's messaging me that he's bored and I want to just say "go to your girlfriend then"...
But that's what I mean. Logically i know all this. But the feelings I have can feel so good. I'm afraid to not have them. Tho I was doing OK in the months without him. I even had a boyfriend for 3 months. But I never felt like I felt towards my boyfriend as I did for this guy. And now because he's back in my life I feel like I can't put any energy into any other guy. My interest levels are so low in anyone else now.
I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Go cold turkey? Delete and block him? I just don't feel ready to do that yet. That's why I think well maybe he will get bored and be the one to disappear again.

[loveslongnails]

He will be around as long as you let him think there's a chance he can fuck you again. Even if you tell him "No, we're done. I don't fuck cheaters, not now, nor will I ever. I'm not judging you, I'm judging ME, and I can't go for that", he still may bother you. But at least you've established your boundaries.

The missing the "memory" of what was once a good fuck buddy situation, but that's all changed now and it's not coming back, so let it go. If you allow him to manipulate you, he'll continue to do it. You're absolutely correct to tell him "If you're bored, go find your girlfriend, I'm not here to entertain you".

[TommyMountainFigure]

If you class those feelings as an addiction, much like say smoking, gambling or drugs, would you want to wean yourself off gradually or go cold turkey?

I personally would go cold turkey. I make decisions and stick with them, but everyone is different!

[Crimsyjo]

It is an addiction! Just getting a ping of a message from him would send electric tingles through my body. Bit like Pavlovs dogs (sound of the bell). I did decide to wean off before but I couldn't fully let go. However he made the choice for me and cut off once I wasn't giving him much attention back.
Fast forward 5 months and he's back! And texting me as intensely as ever (16 hours straight on Thursday) which had me on top of the world. But.. as u may have seen in my other posts.. I also found out he has a girlfriend now. But even without that there are barriers to it ever being anything. But last night even tho he was texting me I felt sad. It's not the same now, knowing he is not even single.
But after such intense messaging back and forth I feel a horrid emptiness without him so going cold turkey is going to make me depressed! Tho I know what u are saying. It will be hard but I really should just do it!

[TommyMountainFigure]

There is no right or wrong way of coping with an addiction @Crimsyjo. Neither will be easy and both have plusses and minuses to them.
Just know you have plenty of friends on here who you can talk to that will not let you go through it alone!

[Crimsyjo]

*hugs* thank you. They means a lot.

[TommyMountainFigure]

>:D< Anytime

[TommyMountainFigure]

Damn.. I forgot to thank you for MHO.. Doh! Thank you @Crimsyjo

[NathanDavis]

I have not had crushes since high-school days...

[Crimsyjo]

Are u in a relationship? Honestly I think it's a hormone thing. Just got a crazy surge and going through all the stages like a teen does again lol

[NathanDavis]

not at the moment, no

[SweetJoyGirl]

Mixed signals?
Nah, baby. I don’t play those games. I dip.

[IloveWinters]

I know right... Its frustrating and exciting at the sane time... Gosh.. hugs?

[Anonymous]

I don't play those teenager games.

[Crimsyjo]

You never get feelings and emotions for someone?

[CubaPirate]

Girl up be honest