Well, that would be because I have yet to stumble into a warped castle and find a weird cat-like entity there.
Now, back to serious... The problem is that a change is always a gamble, and as the saying goes, the house always wins. In my case, I'm not even that miserable anymore. I've got a stable job with solid growth opportunities and even if I had to leave my parents' flat right now, I could afford to rent a humble dwelling for myself. All that I feel I need in order to be a happy man right now is to find a girlfriend who'd be trustworthy enough for me to marry her at some point and set up my own family. Now, to find such a girl in my generation, where I live, before she gets "taken" by someone else... is nothing short of a miracle. I feel like even if it's not true that the house always wins, in this case, it's bound to win. The legislation and the courts are fiercely against me just because I'm a man, most girls from my generation consider me an enemy just because I'm a man, and while my everyday life is pretty much stabilized by now, there is no way I can afford a prolonged court battle at the moment. All in all, it's just not worth the risk. If I win, I get to significantly improve my life and maybe even make a difference on a more global scale, if all goes well. However, should I lose, certain and irreversible ruin awaits me.
So, if You forgive me for some more puns, I basically woke up, got up, walked to the window, looked outside, saw the carnage, and decided not to get out there. Were I a Fool, I might have taken up the gamble, but I feel much more like a Hanged Man at this point. With "man" being a sort of a keyword. Maybe if I had a certain High Priestess or some kind of Oracle on my side, I could still give it a go. Actually, I did manage to make contact with an Oracle of sorts some time ago and I ended up asking Her for tips on how to steal the heart of a certain Girl I like. I actually survived the attempt, so I guess it wasn't a total failure, but other than that, it was no success, either. At this point, I'm seriously discouraged from attempting such a gamble again.
I think a number of other young men might have a similar outlook on life. Some of them might be even more pessimistic, as there's a solid MGTOW movement in existence. As for the women, I can only guess that they have been mostly convinced that men are some kind of monsters to keep away from, and judging by the infamous "would you rather encounter a man or a bear in a forest" dispute, I'm probably right. Which is a shame, since if men and women joined forces, the life might actually change for the better.
I sincerely apologize for all these puns, but I guess I kind of felt more upbeat thanks to adjusting my opinion to fit them in, especially knowing that You'd actually get them.
"adjusting the wording of my opinion"*
You seem like a really nice guy. I hope you find a great girl one day, they’re out there. I think girls might be jaded based on being hurt by previous relationships. I got to this question because I’m stuck in one. Boyfriend is an alcoholic and won’t get help and I’m just completely broken. Even if I left him it would take me time to heal.
@Emily2405 Both guys and girls can become jaded because of bad previous relationships.
For your situation, at least you see the problem -- not everyone does. You can't give other people the power to "break" you. In this situation, you have to be strong and give the guy an ultimatum -- the bottle or you. He has to choose and be serious about it. In the meantime, give him space to choose and you go take that time that YOU need to heal. It takes a while. Best to start sooner rather than later. Dragging it out only increases the damage to your own heart.
I had actually broken up with about a month ago and told him I loved him and that I’ll go to AA with him. Two weeks after he messaged me and told me he would quit drinking and I told him it can’t be for me it has to be for him and he said it is. Five days after he was drunk. Now again, he put the drinking first and I’m miserable. He told me before that he won’t stop drinking. He has no job, no savings, doesn’t buy food but can afford alcohol. He used to ask me for cash and I always got him what he needed.
If I say the bottle or me, he’ll pick the bottle. Says he has too much pain and trauma. I’m not sure how to go about it. Tell him we need some time apart to think about things and talk in a week or two and see how we feel?
@Emily2405 Aww, you're v sweet to offer the AA support. That's a very big deal... but that's something you're doing for him. (And clearly he's not serious about quitting.)
You might have to go to a special AA group for those who survived the challenges of living with an alcoholic... It's helpful to see you're not alone. It brings you strength.
You cannot enable his lifestyle by staying with him, giving him food/money/etc.
Everyone has pain and trauma. We don't all hit the bottle. It's an excuse.
If you know he would pick the bottle, just leave. Don't do this to yourself. You're still VERY young and don't deserve this.
Logically I know what I should do, it’s just hard. It’s like the more hurt I get from this situation it gives me more reasons to let go. I just wish I was stronger in letting go.
I went to al anon too and it was helpful, but then I repeated the cycle. You’re completely right. Thank you for your support. It actually means a lot to me.
@TonyMetal___86 Hi, honestly everything you described that sounds like the perfect man. If he was like that I’d still act the same way, be loyal, be there for him, cook and clean for him, help him when needed. Relationships are like partnerships and if you love someone you put them first and make sure they’re happy.
I hope one day you find a wonderful woman. They’re out there.
@Emily2405 thank you miss emily, a lot of girls here tells me the same thing that i'll find a wonderful woman someday who deserves me and yes maybe they are out there but it's either they are so far away or i don't know where they are hiding 😄
Like i said before, maybe i'm not meant to meet such wonderful women in reality...
Anyways, be sure that you're one of these wonderful ladies and you deserve the best!
@Emily2405 I'm deeply thankful for Your kind words. Of course, I do believe there are still some great girls out there. I mean, I did even meet a few here on GaG. The problem is, the internet is not a good place to look for them. The GaG spans the whole world, and none of the great girls I've met here live even remotely close (yeah, it's a kind of an oxymoron, I guess) to me, so unless I take my chances on a big jet plane, I'm unlikely to ever meet either of them in real life. The dating apps are mostly a part of the problem, as they promote people with oversized egos (both men and women, just to be clear), though I guess now that I've restored my self-confidence a bit through a certain challenge I willingly faced, I could try creating an account on one of them. Still... I expect my conversations on Character. AI to be much more pleasant than my potential conversations on those dating apps.
I've had speed-dating events recommended to me, but as my days are spent either at work, at home, or in commute, it would be pretty hard for me to find time for this kind of events. And since most of my free time is spent on anime recently, I might struggle to find a suitable topic for a conversation, as all I think outside of work these days is how wretched this world of ours is and how wholesome the anime depictions of everyday life look in comparison. Even if I were to delve into literature, which might actually be a strength of mine under different circumstances, most of literature-related topics I can think of right now still revolve around the more repulsive aspects of the world. Take "Father Goriot", for example. The world described in this fine novel can get so depressing and utterly unfair at times that Vautrin becomes worringly relatable, with all his cynical remarks about the society. Then there are the two classics, "Nineteen Eighty-Four" and "Brave New World", both of which are pretty disturbing once one realizes we live in a terrible hybrid of both settings.
Basically, the only literature I've got on my mind that is not disturbing are a few adventure pieces meant for children. Those in turn are a bit too simplistic and naive to be brought up by an apparently grown man. All in all, it sure doesn't look too good. I guess conditioning myself first through pleasant interactions such as the one I'm currently involved in might help me change my outlook on reality at least temporarily, in order to give me a chance to pass the initial interview, but given my almost absolute lack of experience, I might require real-time assistance as well.
Now, regarding Your own issue... I can probably relate to Your boyfriend's "pain and trauma", and I believe I might be of help, as long as there is any chance at all to affect him in the slightest at this point. What worked for me was a combination of diet and exercise. Now, of course, I was never actually addicted to alcohol, but through a specific diet and extensive exercise (that was actually the challenge I mentioned earlier, I went on a two-week-long bike trip), I actually entered a state when as I grabbed myself some beer to celebrate beating the challenge, it ended up being such a nauseating experience I almost regretted it. It seems that my body went out of its way to reject alcohol. If the same happened to Your boyfriend, he might be able to get convinced to give up alcohol for a longer period of time, which might end up healing him. In my case, as I wasn't addicted to alcohol in the first place (though I do not deny that I did fancy grabbing a few shots with my family or friends occasionally), this combination of diet and exercise ended up boosting both my self-confidence and my general vitality to the point where I cannot remember a moment in my life when I felt so powerful, which is why I even began considering another attempt at finding a girlfriend in the first place. If the same thing happened to Your boyfriend, he might end up getting saved.
As for girls in general being jaded by getting hurt by previous relationships... I think it might be true to some extent, but those girls can get their hearts healed, and while I might be unable to do it myself, since I might even be accidentally hurtful at times due to my own issues, simply introducing such a girl to my friend group (my male friends all have girlfriends already, so there is nothing sketchy about it) should show her that most men can actually be trusted. The big problem are "girls" (or rather, monsters resembling girls on the surface) like Amber Heard, who will purposefully hurt men simply for their own sadistic satisfaction and gain. As long as I don't hit such a landmine, I'm fine, but once I do hit one, my life is basically over, and since the Western societies are literally littered with such landmines, the risk is a bit too high for me to accept at the moment.
I’ve personally never tried a dating app. I guess I always thought if it’s meant to be you’ll meet them, but who knows. I heard about some friends using them but it’s either good or bad. It might not hurt to try just to see, but don’t go in with high expectations.
I work from home so I understand how you feel. It’s hard meeting new people when you have a lot going on as is.
I love anime so you might just be surprised how many people out there like it too. I watched anime since I was young and I think that’s where my notions of romance came from because it was always perfect and even if there were struggles the characters were always there for each other.
I’ll have to add “Father Goriot” to my booklist. I’ve read the other two. I can understand how you feel about the world. For myself I just try to do my best work wise, having hobbies and enjoying the little things in life. Sort of creating my own little world. Perspective plays a big part too. Yes, some people like to take advantage of others, but there are some who are honest and good. If you don’t try, you won’t know. At the end of the day, when you look back on life will you wish you did things differently. Nothing is guaranteed in life and you could end up hurt, but there’s a chance you might be even happier.
As for my boyfriend his diet is pizza and alcohol unless I’m cooking. He doesn’t exercise. I’ve asked him to go for walks but when he’s drinking or hung over he just wants to be in bed. I asked to go to a gym together and he said he doesn’t want to because he barely sees me anyways. Since we got back together I’ve been driving 35km one way every day to see him and yesterday his drinking buddy called and asked what he’s doing and my boyfriend said nothing. I felt hurt because of previous events. He left me to go drinking with this person, he broke promises and chose to drink instead of what our plans were. I would drive home crying. Then yesterday he was drinking before I came over, continued drinking in front of me and I knew how it was going so I told him I’m leaving and that I’ll see him today. Today I messaged him that I need time to myself. So now I get the silent treatment. This happens often. He drinks every single day and it’s binge drinking too. He used to do drugs all the time too and he has health problems but can’t see it.
@Emily2405 It sure is refreshing to get discouraged from using dating apps by a girl. They are well-known for being useful for girls, but an absolute hell for most guys (say, below the top 10%), so this kind of discouragement is a proof of a genuine caring and kindness. However, if I can gaslight myself into "not being a chicken", I will most likely try one of them anyway, just for some personal experience.
About anime... Let's just say the first romantic comedy in my life that I could actually bear watching (and actually ended up liking it) was an anime.
About Your boyfriend... While it is truly an unjust game, there might still be a possibility open to You. It would require a significant sacrifice on Your part, though, especially since You have to drive 35 kilometers to meet him every day. And yes, it has to be every day, while the success is still based on the assumption that he will eat absolutely anything if You make it for him. It might be better to actually give up, especially since it might end up temporarily endangering his life, given how horribly intoxicated he might be from the alcohol and especially the drugs. If he survives the detoxication process, though, one of his apparent demons might end up saving him.
The meal I have in mind is fresh, ground beef enriched with animal fat of basically any sort and seasoned with only salt - I believe it's called a steak tartare in English, and it's a pretty hardcore version of it at that. The point is, there is hardly anything easier to both eat and digest than a steak tartare, so his apparent sloth might make him get used to it. On the other hand, such a diet proved miraculously detoxicating for me while also invoking that alcohol denial effect. Thus, he might get himself both detoxicated and incapable of significant alcohol intake for a significant period of time. If that doesn't help him, I don't think there is much that could. However, I shall stress it again that it would require a significant sacrifice from You (I doubt he could get a decent steak tartare through any catering service even once he's hooked), as well as incuring the risk of a serious poisoning that could end in death should excessive amounts of toxins get released into his bloodstream during the detoxication process. I would downplay that second problem if it was just alcohol, but with drugs, it's basically a Russian roulette for all I know.
I don't think anyone would rather choose to be miserable over happy. But for some people (including myself) it's harder to get out of a slump. Sometimes much more so than others.
For me, negativity, imposter syndrome and atelophibia really hold me back. I'm honestly putting in effort to get myself out there and change my life. I'm cold calling, cold texting, door knocking, cold emailing, but it really is a tough world out there. It's really hard to sell your services unless you're already established.
Just yesterday I was door knocking for about 3 hours to try and sell services to people to fly a drone over their roofs and take videos of their shingles and gutters so they can decide if they're in a state that might need repairs. No one was interested, but the point I'm making is I'm not afraid to try new stuff and get out there to work for it.
Do I want to live with my mom forever? Fuck no. I wanted out a while back. I want a place of my own. I have all these grand dreams and aspirations, but I feel like I don't have a clear road map to navigate through life and achieve them.
I feel a lot of people are in the same shoes. If they just had someone to show them how to get to where they want to be and know for sure that method will take them there, they would likely do all the work they're told to do to achieve their goals.
Appreciate it DL 😁
Why don't you approach business the other way around?
See what people actually demand, looking at facts, and from there twist it into something just a little better than usual.
Same with everything else. Look first at what actually is working, and ask yourself what's the simplest way to do it.
They choose it because of fear, and they are skeptical of hope. Their mantra is something like "Better the devil you know than the devil you don't". They are not convinced that happiness awaits, because the first thing that usually happens is struggle. Then they immediately say, "See? I told you nothing ever works out for me...". Rinse and repeat.
They never invest enough, and they never decide that they will figure it out, come hell or high water. It's always the economy, or the unemployment rate, or young people, or old people, or lack of education, or lack of experience, or Biden, or Trump, or the weather... You get the drift.
I know it's hard right now for many people, and I'd never dismiss someone who is struggling in a particular season. I'm referring to a consistent pattern of behavior and thought processes over time.
Human nature is cut off in society. Laws are built specifically so we can’t be our natural human self - weather it be good or bad, the law stops it.
Not saying I choose misery over happiness but I’m in a rut and I’m exhausted. I really want to be alone to decompress. So it may appear miserable.
Opinion
21Opinion
Depends on the circumstances. Happiness isn’t for everyone. Curmudgeons prefer to be grumpy. Also, in terms of toxic relationships, people SEEM very strange, but the psychology is actually pretty straightforward.
That can be true for jobs as well. The answer kinda boils down to how “over it” you are and how much of a gambler. If you’re not fed up enough with a known situation to gamble on an unknown situation, you’re probably going to stick out the former. It’s actually pretty sensible. Many people have thrown away great careers on business ventures or spent their entire life savings on investment opportunities and lost EVERYTHING. One major disappointment or a series of minor ones can take the wind out of most people’s sails pretty effectively.
u Some people believe that they don’t deserve to be happy.
The context: “Some folks (guys and girls alike) have the opportunity to get out of a bad situation and choose a road that is much more fulfilling, yet they freely choose to stay in their current state of misery...”
The question: “Why would someone choose to stay miserable rather than to be happy? Doesn't it go against the fundamentals of human nature?”
My answer: If it is their responsibility and they are anchored down by choice because that is where their priorities lie in that moment even if it makes them upset, frustrated, fatigued, etc. then I can see why. Looking after a loved one going through a hard time can really take a toll, maybe it would be best for the individual to just abandon them yet their love & their respect goes over their personal ambitions / wants / desires.
I think it comes down to people willing to be miserable so long as things don't change or in some cases they just don't want to take the chance.
I know a lot of people who are in a career that they absolutely hate, but they're not willing to look or apply for something else.
It certainly does Dishy, and I spend half my life advising people to get out and start again, rather than stay unhappy!
I think they do it because they have settled into the 'better the devil you know, than the devil you don't ' scenario!
m that's usually a sing of a few, and deeper issues/factors involved in the equation...
if it only were a matter of choosing, then every problem in this world would be solved already
any time Lady (=
Sometimes I have (we all have), so I suppose the answer is yes. That said, I do put a lot of effort into being happy and enjoying life and I'm doing pretty well at that right now :)
I stand corrected. Good for you :)
Maybe it's more related to my childhood/situation at the time.
I would. I'm not changing nothing. I'm staying pissed about everything throughout my life because it shouldn't have been this way. Till I die or Jesus returns I'm gonna be here holding up this bag of shit that has been my life for Him to see.
I am beginning to believe that these are not questions but more a wake up call warning to readers who are in that very situation 🤔
Sometimes happiness requires extra effort in life that certain people just aren't willing to give. Wallowing in misery is easiest for them and they get used to it.
A few i know were very committed people both male and female.
All have their reasons. If not committed then its self worth and image… not seeing worthy of better or lack strength to get elsewhere.
Why would I choose misery over happiness? That’s a good way to have a heart attack. From all the stress
" it's because I've become institutionalized, Andy. These walls are all I know now"
I don’t know. I guess something about their current situation must appeal to them, subconsciously at least.
Sometimes you care about other people, and you don't want to cause them discomfort.
But that's the wrong approach. You shall only give to the extend it is still healthy for you.
Some people are afraid to leave their old comfortable surroundings and try to find something new.
Well, I like to say this. “Money can’t buy me happiness, but it sure can’t buy me a nice boat to sail around all my misery.”
I surely choose happiness over misery, without hesitation, but sometimes life doesn't grant us what we wish for...
No one "chooses" misery or happiness. People can be in charge of their moods and emotions, but rarely their circumstances.
Well, apparently I did.
It's just a reality check for some I guess 🤷
Not really I mean misery causes wrinkles and cause depression.
No, I would never choose to be miserable.
Many people want to keep being miserable so they recieve sympathy and attention
Easy answer, happiness ofc.
Happiness all the way
Nope.
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