In a married life, how do you like to be asked or to get in the mood for sex?

[frankudesu]

I've been married for 12 years, and have an 8yo son with a lot of energy. My wife works half day in the mornings. The afternoons are all about our son (sports and tutors).

I work a lot: get out of the house at 5am and might return 7-8pm.

Now she is pregnant (4 months) after a lot of tryings to get pregnant.

Before getting pregnant we already were in a dry spell where everytime I tried to get intimate she wouldn't feel in the mood: always tired (yei for that last homerun). Now in pregnancy: I haven't even tried. And I'm feeling irritated about it.

I know that "we should talk about it"... but I just want to talk about it here first since talking with her is difficult (because "she is never wrong, and I should do something to it right and nice"

Are some of you in a long lasting relationship with a trouble like this? In a married life, how do you like to be asked or to get in the mood?

[DishLady]

First -- congrats on the new addition to your family. Next... some tough love:

Ok, so the one thing to keep in mind is that when couples are "trying to get pregnant" it puts a lot of pressure on the guy and gal to work with focused schedules and cycles and measurements and timers... It's a fucking mess.

Now she's pregnant and you probably both worked really hard for that to happen... and had other people involved in telling you how and when and etc. to have sex.

And you're a regular married guy who just wants to be able to fuck -- sorry, make love to -- his wife, right? Right.

So just be kind to her... bring her some flowers or something she likes. Tell her how pretty she is and kiss her... touch her lovingly so she knows you love HER and not just her baby-making parts. THEN the pearly gates to funville will probably open for you.

Also, keep in mind that she's only 4 months into the pregnancy she's possibly still nervous. While it's typically SAFE to have sex even in the early stages of pregnancy, given that you tried so hard to get pregnant, she might not want to do P in V sex till Month 6 or 7, when she knows baby is going to be OK no matter what... But she's most likely feeling horny, hot and flustered and a whole bunch of other things that you could help with by being tender and kind, focusing on foreplay rather than just pressuring her to have sex...

[SueShe]

You may have to ask her for explanations how she got pregnant since you state that

"Now in pregnancy: I haven't even tried. And I'm feeling irritated about it".

So, if you haven't tried, somebody else did try and was successful and that may be an issue for your relationship. You have to clear that little detail first before you even try to ask her to get into the mood for fornication. You may even have to consider other steps, depending on the answer she gives you and how receptive you are to her getting pregnant without you having tried.

I think you should settle that issue first before asking for anything else. Good luck.

[frankudesu]

Lol sorry for misinterpretation: No doubt about how she got pregnant jaja
I was trying to say that Now that she is pregnant, we are not getting intimate. In our first pregnancy, we still had sex, but now I don't feel her with any mood to try.

[SueShe]

This has something to do with her hormonal balance (or imbalance) due to the pregnancy. It takes a big toll on a body and a lot is happening in there while she is pregnant.

Sex may not be a priority for her right now and it is not because she liked to be sexual during her first pregnancy that she will automatically want it again in the current one.

Perhaps that both of you should consult either a gynecologist or perhaps even an endocrinologist to determine is she does have anything with her hormones that would cause her to lack the need for sexual intimacy.

Those dry spells are not unusual and the body and sexual hormone levels change as we get older. I am not the right person to ask if I want to be sexual as I am not interested in fornicating but nevertheless, you should perhaps consult a specialist.

[HawkPerception]

I'm not, but I have been in relationships and I know what it's like when the spark feelings like it's fading.

You need to do something to reignite the sparks you once had and so something a little extra once in a while. You can't just approach it and say "Wanna have sex tonight?"

Every man and woman can get in the mood if you press the right buttons. This is only one of many ideas, but maybe start by making sure the kids are taken care of by someone else, whether it be family, school, or they're asleep. Have a candlelit dinner that you make for her or even just order her favourite food by delivery and plate it nicely while talking to her. Sit next to her and always have a hand on her lap. Once you're done eating, look in her eyes, pick her up, take her to bedroom and engage in some foreplay. Caress and kiss every part of her body. Make sure she's wet. And I'm sure you know what to do from there. She'll probably be like "Where did THAT come from?" 😂

I'm not saying it's a surefire method as every girl is different, but effort matters in turning someone on. Most people are just too drained and lack the energy to make the other person feel desired or turned on. That's why marriages can get boring. Lack of effort and energy.

[NumberOneStunna]

Maybe she needs her space for now so give it some time. Once a week maybe try taking her to spas or whatever she likes. Give massages and make her feel good.


If a year passes by and you ain’t getting no sex then you need relationship therapy

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic juggle of life and love! 🏀 First, congrats on your upcoming little bundle—exciting times ahead! Pregnancy can be a roller coaster of emotions and energy levels, so it's not surprising that the mood for intimacy can be a little… elusive. Communication, as cliché as it sounds, is everything. Try sparking intimacy with gentle affection, a loving gesture, or a shared moment of fun that connects you without pressure. Sometimes, just a warm hug can be the beginning of rekindling that connection. Remember, it's crucial to understand her current emotional and physical state. Be patient and understanding, and consider this season as a unique journey for both of you. 💕

[AmyHew1tt]

I'm not in a relationship, but I always hear from people who are in them, and thriving ones, that for women, we need a lot of none-sexual affection and intimacy to get back into the mood for the physical side. Like kissing without expectations for anything sexual. Hugging, back rubs, setting aside time to talk about the day, etc. Sometimes we sense the pressure to have sex and it turns us off more. Especially if she's pregnant, these things, like feeling supported without pressure or execution for sex in return, will be super important to her.

[hollydolly]

Is she nervous about sex during pregnancy (mentioned after lots of trying,) was this a thing with your first child? Speaking from xp , I was fired up for most of the time, however you do feel especially vulnerable. She likely senses your frustration and it may be off putting.

Get to her level emotionally is my best advice. She wants to know you're right there with her. Wants safety/security and connection now more than ever. Think making love vs. getting off,

Hope that helps - best of luck friend!

[Bambii_2024]

Not married but long time relationship. I enjoy physical touch, so a massage is pretty much and invitation. When I was pregnant I was super in the mood all the time, but everyone women is different. She simply may not be feeling it with her hormones etx. She may not feel loved, just used for sex. Try makikg her a romantic meal and a nice bubble bath or something. Something nice that doesn't lead to sex. Depending how bad the pregnancy is, she might be put of sex totally till abit after the birth

[Nikki1989]

If you need to be asked, you already have serious problems. Having sex is the least of your worries.

[exitseven]

We had 3 kids in 3 years and we were both tired all the time. Kids got older and we found our way back to each other although it took a little work.

[katiesmuff]

Sometimes you just have to set time aside for some real intimacy and it might take some work to get that done.

[Anonymous]

They don't have to ask. When married you can read them like a book. Subtile body language they probably aren't even aware they are giving off. Lots can be said in a glance.

[dazzafromoz]

I pull it out and she automatically puts her mouth on it. Any hesitation it's game over for her.

[hollydolly]

clown alert

[dazzafromoz]

No serious.

[hollydolly]

Oh I questioning it, I was questioning you.

[dazzafromoz]

@hollydolly DM me hun I will explain