When and how should I confess my feelings for her?

[Pieterrabbit]

Hello! My best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend. They had been together for three years. I met her about two years ago and in the difficult last months of their relationship, I have realised I actually have romantic feelings for her. I have always found her attractive, but had decided to put my feelings aside because she clearly loved her boyfriend and I didn’t want to cause her any grief. Now that they broke up however, I feel like I should be honest with her and with myself and take a chance. Nevertheless, I don’t want to rush her and tell her too soon. She is still very much processing the breakup and has told me she isn’t interested in relationships anymore for the moment. As her friend I want to give her the time she needs. On the other hand, I also don’t want to wait too long, because I don’t want to miss my opportunity with her. Do you have any advice on how to proceed? Also concerning how to tell her.

Little bit of extra information: she and I are both 30 years old and I have never had a relationship.

[Tarifa]

If your friend broke up with her boyfriend after 3 years, she surely won't rush into a new relationship. So you have some time to make up your mind and find the best approach.

But this also means that she won't rush into a relationship with you. Make it crystal clear that you are there for her. Not just in words, take her to a place or destination she likes. Don't hesitate to tell her she's very special. That you like to spend time with her.

If she told you she isn’t interested in relationships for the moment, she is being very honest with you. Most girls will talk with other girls about their feelings, less so with a guy, so you have an advantage there. Take it slow, step by step, but don't hesitate when the time seems right.

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you so much for your response! I definitely try to be there for her right now (as I always do) and I will not tell her before I feel she is ready, which I guess will at least take several more months. We indeed have a very deep connection, of which she has repeatedly said that it is the deepest connection she ever had, even deeper than with her female friends or her ex-boyfriends. But of course, that deep emotional connection will not mean she is also romantically and physically attracted to me.

[Tarifa]

"that deep emotional connection will not mean she is also romantically and physically attracted to me" That's a possibility you should take into account. If that turns out to be the case, don't push any further. But she will know where you want to go. She may just not be ready yet. Anyway, friendship with a girl is something of high value. But it is difficult to manage if you have higher expectations.

At some point, you will have to tell her. You'll get weak at the knees, your heartbeat will be way up there and you'll probably be nervous. Keep it simple: just tell her how much you like her, how much you like spending time with her.

[Pieterrabbit]

I will, thank you!

[Summeroflove]

As soon as possible. Best friends to lovers are the strongest of relationships. Yes it could end in rejection but you never know what something could be if you don’t try.

You should absolutely be honest with her. If she says no just move on and be friends. You can work through the awkwardness if you’re genuinely friends. If she says she wants to be with you congratulations. If she doesn’t give a clear answer. Give her time but the balls in her court and if she is into you. You have made your move letting her know

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you very much for your reply! We indeed already have a very solid foundation as friends, so of she is willing to give us a go, we definitely have a strong base to build a beautiful relationship on.

[Summeroflove]

Yes absolutely! A lot of people don’t really have anything but sex. But I would tell her immediately and let me know what happens

[_Senorita_]

So i guess something similar is happening with me right now i had a failed marriage and I'm stuck with the bad memories... i should suggest you to be patient and give her time because she might be angry with you if she hasn't healed properly... so just be patient for sometime... afterwards slowly tell her he has moved on in life and you should do that too... And then confess your feelings... Hope this helps

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you very much! Hearing your perspective definitely helps! I will remain patient and place her recovery from the breakup first.

[dustybiker2]

Support. Be her rock. I wouldn't do anything cheesy in the healing gap. Wait until the dust settles.

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you for your advice!

[dustybiker2]

Good luck

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tale of catching feelings for a friend—it's like the plot of a romantic movie where everyone's rooting for you two! Here’s the deal: timing and approach are everything. Since she’s fresh out of a relationship and has expressed a need to steer clear of romance for a bit, respect her pace. Lovebombing right after a breakup? Big no-no. Give her the support she needs without ulterior motives. It’s about winning the marathon, not the sprint.

Now, for the 'when': Look for signs she’s healing and might be open to the idea of dating again—this is crucial. She’s your best friend, so you probably have a front-row seat to her emotional journey. Use this insight.

And the 'how': Honesty, my friend, but with a gentle touch. When the time feels right, perhaps share your feelings in a non-pressure setting. Think heartfelt but casual. It could be something like, “You know, I’ve realized I value our connection in a way that’s more than just friendship. How do you feel about exploring this with us?”

Remember, there’s no guaranteed playbook, but staying true to yourself and respecting her space and feelings will never steer you wrong. Take it slow, and let the magic unfold naturally. Fingers crossed for you! 🤞

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you very much for your reply! What you said feels really respectful and will help me a great deal! I indeed want to explore where things with her can lead us, but even more want to make sure I respect her pace and don’t hurt her. This will help me greatly, thanks!

[OlderAndWiser]

Why do you need to confess anything? Just start spending time with her and become the new focus of her attention. However, there is a strong possibility that, regardless of how you approach her, you will be friendzoned.

[BadApple69]

Don’t tell her… not yet.
But you can show her. Let her figure it out on her own. As an example: send her flowers (not roses). On the card say something like “to my wonderful friend, I just wanted to make you smile”.
And do little things that say you care without you saying it.
Send her a card by mail (the old fashion way)… that just says something like “true friends are here to cheer you up when life gets you down”.
She will notice the attention and if she likes you enough she will start looking at you as possible dating material.

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you for your opinion! I agree I should hold off from telling her yet. I care about her tremendously, so I am supporting her with both verbal support and small gestures to make her smile and feel better anyway. Getting together with her would be wonderful, but the most important thing is that she is happy again! As her friend I want to be there for her, independent from my deeper romantic feelings for her.

[BadApple69]

Remember a lot of people will rebound after a breakup and quickly start dating again. Hopefully not in this case. But you need to be there for her and let her know, no matter what you’ll be there for her. Good luck buddy!

[Pieterrabbit]

Rebound is actually something I am really scared of! Either her getting a rebound with another guy or me becoming her rebound because I didn’t wait long enough.

[BadApple69]

Rebounding should be a legit fear. That’s why I suggest you stay front and center in her life…. Try to prevent other guys from sniffing around. Do things where she notices you, not other guys.

[mjskjwgjkk]

i think this is the best approach bec i was in the same boat, as soon as i broke up with someone my "friend" confessed and i felt betrayed also not in the mood to date since i literally just had broken up with someone. make her notice you first, show her u like her but dont tell her yet, if she likes u romantically she will make a move or make u notice u will know.

[jordynthedecayer99]

Same went for me but I was the one with the relationship and my crush was the one who had feelings for me. But let’s say she wants in a relationship and still processing and is afraid of getting hurt she more likely going to turn away but you can ask her when you feel that she ready and hope for the best but more likely she get over the break up doesn’t mean she going to move on just like that so she probably going to be single a little while

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you for this response and for sharing your own experiences! Do you think it might be a good idea to let her know when I think she is ready and to add that I understand that she has other things than dating on her mind right now but wanted her to know about my feelings and be honest with her? This way she at least knows when she is ready for a new relationship and might consider me

[spartan55]

You have a very steep climb ahead of you. Good luck.

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

She probably needs a friend more then a lover right now. Maybe there's a way to drop hints while remaining a friend. Maybe lament your trouble finding a mate and ask her if you and she would make a good couple down the line. Tricky one.

[Pieterrabbit]

Very tricky! Thank you for your opinion!

[exitseven]

Don't rush this thing and look to anxious but don't wait too long either.

[Pieterrabbit]

Thank you for your take! That’s indeed my dilemma lol. But seriously, thank you for your input and I will keep myself from rushing anything. Not waiting too long will be more difficult to figure out, since I don’t have any positive experience with telling women I like them and want to date them.

[lightbulb27]

Many ways, grt creative.

[Straight2thepoint]

Never

[Bigantdog69]

As soon as possible