Do you allow your partner's traumas to dictate your feelings?

[Anonymous]

I am with someone right now who sours my mood on almost a daily basis. They do this, and then point to all of their trauma triggers as explanation for their deeds.

I am a very understanding partner. I have given space, comforted them, gone out of my way to do extra things for them, limited my cooking to only their three comfort foods, and walk on eggshells constantly. It's been 6 months like this.

It's never enough and, indubitably, I will make a "misstep." A misstep could be anything from me saying something in an exasperated tone to my kids existing (because they don't get to see their kids).

I don't know what to do at this point.

Is this something you would put up with and how long would you deal with this?

[CrazyGirl2]

@JSkye No, my fiancé has been through a lot in his life, and while I feel sad for what he has had to endure in his life. His trauma does not dictate my feelings. My feelings of sadness are a choice I make, because I love him.

I hope this helps, Laura 🤗 🥰

[jennyPuss]

Sounds like you're with a woman... I could never be in a LTR with a woman beyond sex. Friends with benefits is the limit

[Asker]

At the moment, yes, I am

[DrPepper12]

You need to get away from the toxic energy sucking vampire. This person is drowning and will pull you down with him if you let him.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the love seas with a partner who's sailing with a heavy cargo of trauma is one challenging voyage, isn't it? It sounds like you've been the captain, the crew, and the lifeguard, all while trying to navigate through some pretty stormy weather. Offering space, comfort, and even altering your lifestyle to accommodate their comfort foods speaks volumes about your dedication. However, there's a fine line between understanding and becoming an enabler to a cycle that drowns your own happiness.

In the grand scheme of love and relationships, it's crucial to remember that your feelings and well-being are just as important as your partner's. Comforting them through their trauma is compassionate and noble, but not at the expense of your own joy and sanity. It's like being in an airplane emergency; you've got to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.

Would I put up with it? Truth be told, love without boundaries is like a ship without a rudder—likely to drift and eventually sink. It's essential to communicate your needs and set boundaries. Therapy, both individual and couples, can be a beacon of light in navigating these turbulent waters.

How long to deal with it? It's more about progress than time. If after a sincere effort and reasonable time, the situation feels more like being stuck in quicksand rather than sailing towards a brighter horizon, it might be time to reconsider the direction of this journey. Remember, sometimes the bravest thing to do is to refuse to be lost at sea.

[eagle1951]

nope