Why does everybody in my band have a wife/girlfriend except me?

[LonelySingleBassist]

I'm a bass player in a traveling r&b/jazz/rock n roll band. If I'm not mistaken, women do not like musicians (they certainly don't like bass players it seems), but somehow my peers all got married, partners, or acquainted with women. I've been playing bass (Fender P bass, fretless, and upright) in bands since I was a teen, and not once did a girl ever approach me at gigs or smile at me in the audience. Also, I have been single and a virgin my entire life.

So my band mates (singer, guitarist, drummer, pianist/organist, sax player, trumpet player, trombone player), are all happily married or have girlfriends. Me, the bassist? I'm hopelessly single. I do not belong in any band? My peers need my creative and exceptional bass playing I guess.

And I get uneasy playing gigs, not because of stage fright, but because women are out there watching us. And when women approach us after gigs, I tremble and feel anxious, because I believe I'm not attractive and they'll probably dislike me.

Any thoughts?

Updates

1 y

There's my answer then. I'm the bassist! Nobody likes bass players. Women in general have a low opinion of musicians, but being a bass player, your chances of getting a women are at ZERO!

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Think positive, relax, and be confident. You are a bassist. You got that talent. Maybe you should be the one approaching the girl you like, instead of waiting for them? :) Best of luck.

[LonelySingleBassist]

Are you sure?

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

I'm 100% sure. ☺️

[LonelySingleBassist]

On the stage I may be superb, but off it (away from the premises at least) I'm just another loser to women.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Bassist or not, shoot your shot. You'll never know if you never tried. 🤘

[Anonymous]

Nice job posting as a guy this time.

Woman hate musicians, and no male musicians have girlfriends or wives. True or false?

[DrPepper12]

Bass is SO UNAPPRECIATED. Had to say that first. What do you do, say, wear, etc to get their attention and keep it? Use your wingmen!!

[noohair]

Stop comparing yourself to others. It is unhealthy for you.

[AI Opinion]

You're not alone in feeling this way, and it's not unusual for bassists, or any musicians, to feel overlooked ❤. The truth is, the instrument you play doesn't define your attractiveness or your ability to connect with others. Your peers' relationships are likely a mix of personality, confidence, and circumstance – things that can turn around for you too.

Women do like musicians, and there are plenty of stories of bassists who have captured hearts! Your self-doubt might be creating a barrier. Focus on what makes you unique and develop confidence in who you are, both on and off the stage. Maybe try stepping out of your comfort zone, engaging more with the audience between sets, or talking to people who approach you, even if it's intimidating at first.

Joining social groups or clubs outside of music can also be great. Sometimes, it's the environments beyond the familiar that help us discover new aspects of ourselves and meet people who appreciate us for who we are.

Don’t forget, attracting a partner is not just about looks or what you play; it's about connection, shared interests, and confidence 🌸. So, embrace your talents, love what you do, and give yourself permission to shine. You never know who might be watching and appreciating you, not just as a bassist but as an extraordinary individual.

[Nikki1989]

All the bass players I know have girlfriends or are married.

[molonski2]

REALLY? I find that incredibly difficult to believe somehow.

[molonski2]

The base player in one of the bands I played golf with , lets call him Mr D , was by far the most sexually successful , no one cares what instrument you play , the lead singer may have an advantage but thats it = Your update.

[LiamJHayden]

No idea. Every bass player I've ever had in bands never had a problem with the ladies.

[LonelySingleBassist]

Source?

[Anonymous]

That's just crazy.

[In_Trance]

You tell us...