Am I too bad? Should I feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

Take note, we are in situationship

During my birthday, he spend our day together. He invite me and all my friends for the foods etc doing activity yada2 and spend all the money. But that happen when both of us is still okay (early this year)

And we had a major argument lately. To which im totally mad at him and feel like i dont deserve to be treated this way. Hence during his birthday, i dont even wish him, let alone spend the time and money on him..

Now i feel guilty abit, cuz i was like, he's spending money on me, but i literally ignore when it comes to his. Am i bad? Should i actually treat him something?🥲

[Anonymous]

He’s not your boyfriend so why would you treat him like he is? We’re nearly into October and this has been going on for months, at this point the only situation is that he doesn’t want a relationship only the perks that would come with it, like sex and attention.

[Asker]

Cuz im thinking, shld i just retreat him back as a good human being, ‘give back what you get’ kinda thing, rather than treating him as boyfriend

[Opinion Owner]

I would just be done with him. Like don’t you want a real relationship? A real man who loves you and doesn’t risk losing you?

[Asker]

Thats true :’)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

How this situationship has been defined between you both? Because when it is explicitly defined then you know which responsibility you have and which you haven't.

Aside from the relation itself, whatever the relation, an unsolved argument running is not something pleasing to look at, for all parties. So it would be good to sort this out?

[Asker]

We dont explicitly defined it.. hence actually we dont have any ‘responsibility’ towards each other, but both merely rely on what we would wish we get from the other side

And we have been discussed quite numerous time when we have any misunderstandings and we are able to be good and normal again, but i think this time it just.. coming to an end. We are not who we used to be

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Sidenote, I'm pleased, finally, to read someone from the 18-24 range writing that there has been numerous discussions over misunderstandings, it's a rare sight here 🙏🏼

Then I think the lack of definition of this situationship is getting you down because frankly, a situation in itself is already difficult because lack of framework, but when it's not even defined then it's normal to me that it generates more and more confusion, unease and troubles

[ohsheeT]

When he has that party for you you better have a birthday cake there for him to celebrate his birthday at the same time

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of a situationship can feel like trying to read a book in the dark, huh? 😏 Here's the scoop: feelings of guilt can creep in when we look back and compare our actions to someone else's, especially when it involves matters of the heart and wallet. But let's break it down—relationships, including situationships, are a two-way street. They thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and effort.

If your disagreement was big enough to make you reconsider celebrating his birthday, it's essential to trust your feelings. Sometimes, actions (or the lack thereof) speak volumes about where we stand. It's not about tit for tat; it's about feeling valued and respected.

Do you feel guilty because you genuinely care and feel like you might have missed an opportunity to mend fences, or because society's scoreboard says you "owe" him a celebration? If it's about genuine care, maybe there's room for a heartfelt conversation when the time feels right. But if it's guilt for not keeping up with social niceties, remember, love and respect can't be bought or owed. They're built through understanding and mutual support.

So, are you bad? Absolutely not. You're human, navigating the complex web of human emotions and interactions. Should you treat him to something? Only if it brings you closer to the resolution you seek, not because you feel you owe it. Love, like a good dance, is about rhythm and response, not keeping score. 😉💃🕺

[Billlewis]

I don't think you should feel the least bit guilty, but that's just me;)

[nevooo]

you’re gonna need to retype this in coherent English.

[Asker]

I dont see the needs to judge my English when English is not my first language, but you do you

[nevooo]

Because you’re asking the question in English that’s why