What would you do if your friend started spending more time with their boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I had a very close friend for a long time, but we’ve had serious issues in the past year, and we’re not speaking now. I tried to arrange meetings a few times, but she kept making excuses, while I noticed she was constantly with her boyfriend. We haven’t seen each other in about 3 months, and during this time, I brought it up a few times. She said things like, “I’ll make time for you when I’m free,” but our meetings have been delayed and awkward. Then, some changes happened in my life, but she didn’t even message me. I feel like I gave her so much, but now I feel unappreciated. I still feel upset when I see her, remembering old memories, but at the same time, cutting ties completely feels difficult. What should I do?

[D_Bone_Steak]

More like you should ask "What have you done?" because I've dealt with this situation over and over so many times in my life.

It's always the same shit... they meet new girl, he starts not going anywhere without her and then eventually he's dipping out of hangouts to be with her.

I see it as normal and natural... let them go. Pray that they stay gone because if she sucks the life out of him he comes back like a blood drained broken headcase that expects me to solve problems for them. I'm not a brainiac... I just do hookers and cocaine.

The best thing to do is just move on. I mean think about it... they probably made friends with you because you're so awesome that just hanging out with you gets them a partner. They have that now so it's time to let them go back out into the wild. We can't help it that we're so fucking awesome that we get everyone around us into long-term relationships by proximity.

Overall I sort of view it as a positive thing except for when they come back because said relationship was toxic as all hell. It's sad and to tell the truth I can't really help them beyond relating to them how I've been there too.

If you feel abandoned then make new friends. Your vibe should start or stop just because of them.

[Asker]

Thank you, you made me feel understood. Honestly, I’m aware of what’s going on and what I’ve done, I just wanted to feel understood. I felt like I wasn’t being understood in return for all my efforts.

[Anonymous]

This is hard because you seem to still really want a relationship with your friend, but friendship is a two way street. Showing up for you when you're going through tough life things is as important as showing up for you just to have lunch and chat.

If you are truly worried about the state of your relationship or want to keep it up, it's important that you meet in person to talk about it, not just a short text they can ignore or claim they didn't see. Ask her to pick a time to meet that way its on her to show up for the time she picked, and then reach out and talk about if she wants the friendship to continue. Yes, people do get busy, they do have lives, and as you grow older, it IS harder to meet up, but we all place importance on the people in our lives that we want to and show up for those we care about, and if that isn't happening anymore, maybe you've both grown out of the friendship...and that's okay, or it will be. It's one of those things you learn in life. Friendship isn't always the fairy tale that its made out to be in youth that you'll forever and ever be friends with all your friends and hang out forever and ever. Sometimes, these relationships and people change and mature or become immature, and no longer see you as important in their lives.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your kind response; you wrote it in such a sweet way. I don’t understand why others reacted so harshly—I just wanted a healthy friendship. I did exactly what you suggested and arranged a meeting with her, but unfortunately, she repeated her behavior. If you’re wondering why I didn’t let go, it’s because she always told me she cared about me with her words, and I believed her. But after a while, I got really tired.

[IslaTheWitch]

I would talk to her and try to understand what happened... you said you've had serious issues, maybe something still is not fixed or solved...

but if she wouldn't like to talk... I would move on... you can't force people to be your friends

[Asker]

I tried to talk to her, even to the point of compromising my self-respect, but she still acted the same way. I gave up, but I’m still upset because I valued her a lot.

[Makeushiver]

Carve my initial skin both of them. Then tell them justni nun case you forgot who you belonged to. I don't think Idn ant to go overboard until I knew mire so I'd gather information by putting trackers on their phone, audio bugs in every room in the house and follow them around taking videos. If they still insisted on each mother's company I'd kill all their pets and let themknow they were next. If they are spending time in the same building I'd torch it and the send her an email CD to him asking how many more deaths they wanted non their conscience. . I'd consider spray painting the same message on their cars and homes in a 96 pt. Font

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the drama of friendship versus new romance! As a relationship coach here on Girls Ask Guys, I'm all about heartstrings and tangled emotions. It's tough when your bestie seems to ghost you in favor of lovebirding around with her beau. It sounds like you've done your part by reaching out and trying to reconnect.

Consider taking a step back, focus on your fabulous life, and let her come to you. Sometimes, people need to fly from the nest to realize how much they miss home. And remember, stars shine even brighter after they've been dimmed. 🌟 You deserve someone who'll lovebomb you with attention and reciprocation. Stay fabulous!

[Finchie40]

Accept the fact that she now has a boyfriend and understand you are no longer her priority , you are best just to move on and make other friends or meet a guy yourself

[sage2021]

@Finchie49
Well, you just say that because once you are in a relationship, you hog tie the woman and make her spend 109% of her time being joined at your hip!

You call this love but actually it's kinda abusive to be honest. She should be able to still have the relationship's she had before she knew you.

It isn't healthy for her to not see her friend she had and had to give up because you are too insecure to be by yourself!

I've been meaning to say this to you for a long time. Each time I read you writing that anyone's relationship has to put the partner first always 24/7!
That sounds obvious to me that you have a fear of abandonment. And you sound too needy!! Otherwise you would let her see her friend that she had before she even knew you. You made her kick her friend to the curb because of your insecurities! And now her friend misses her and if you weren't so insecure you would be fine with her seeing her friend again. It's abusive but you call it love.

[Finchie40]

Not true at all @sage2021 but I can see why you think that , per things I have said , I don’t expect a girl to be glued to my hip whatsoever I just expect her to be respectful to me the same way she wants me to be respectful to her , it needs to go both ways for any relationship to work , I have never stopped my girlfriends’ from seeing their friends’ but I been with girls’ that stopped me from seeing mine , even though I have never excluded her from coming with me , some of the girls’ I dated automatically excluded me when it came down to her friends’ which in turn, turns into a double standard, if it’s all of a sudden ok for her to see her friends’ but it’s not ok for me to see mine. All I am saying is without respect for each other the relationship will not last period , Making a partner your top priority just means you respect them as your partner meaning you do not exclude them from anything when it comes to making decisions, you are not single anymore , you are a package deal , Most friends’ will disappear once they meet someone , it happens all the time , as the friend , you are left out , it doesn’t mean they don’t care about you anymore they just rather be with their new partner over spending time with you. They aren’t single anymore. They chose to commit to someone the same way that person committed to them. If a partner all of a sudden decides you are no longer their priority and starts prioritizing their friends’ over you , then that is clearly a red flag when they never did that to you before , why so many relationships fail , it has nothing to do with insecurities it comes down to respect for each other , if a partner is disrespecting you, are you going to keep respecting them? No you are not period , unless you lack common sense

[sage2021]

@Finchie40
And when these women are no longer in a relationship with you, guess who they run to? Yes, THEN they expect that friend they kicked to the curb and hurt to be there for them. Is that respecting her friends?
If I were her ex friend and she wanted to resume our friendship again because she no longer has a boyfriend, well, I would tell her to buzz off because she ruined the friendship and traded her friend for you.
Let her think about how she treats her friends because she shouldn't have completely ignored her friend. You can do both.
I still saw my friends whenever I had a boyfriend or a husband. I surely didn't kick them to the curb and acted like they weren't alive anymore.

[AviatorTom]

I'd be her friend and be happy for her.

[NathanOlipop]

Don't try to break up their relationship just so you can try to hang out with your friend. That would be evil as hell of you and this is always what I see females trying to do to their friend who is trying to build a connection to someone so they can be happy. My own friends who are in fact friends have never stopped talking to me just because they had a girlfriend or wife because the men I hang out with don't get whipped. I don't know how the dynamics work for women, but if your friend is genuinely happy then I don't see the problem.

[JaxiCats]

I’m not sure. My best friend and me don’t really talk like we used to be for she moved in with her fiancé and honestly I wonder if she cares to start a conversation. She never has. It’s always been me.

[Asker]

same situation

[MisterWack]

Be happy for them, yeah it sucks to not spend much time as you used to though you’re their friend, they would support you just as you would do for them.

My friend was in the ‘honeymoon phase’ and would only talk to his girlfriend / spend time though after a while their love stayed strong and their friendships too that they had by their side. It is only temporary and it happens to the best of us, just hang in there & support the blossom of their love.

[Asker]

I totally get that, I’m genuinely happy for them, but what you said is making me neglect my own needs. How many times can you try talking to someone just to get them to value you again, how many times can you cry in front of them? That’s why I don’t think it’s temporary, I think it’s over. I don’t feel good about myself either because I disrespected myself.

[MisterWack]

Then don’t neglect your own needs, if you need support & love from a good friend try finding another friend to get that support you need from. Clearly it is taking a toll and you definitely should step back from awhile and self evaluate. Ask yourself, “what do I need?”, “where can I get the support I need to be happy?”, “how can I cope with these feelings in a healthy way?” sort of thing.
Let them have their fun and all, though in due time they will be there again don’t you worry. It isn’t forever, it is truly temporary. You are good.

[ihateTaylorSwift]

I'd let her do her

Instead of being the jealous best friend

After all
Relationships are more intense than just friendships

So if girly would rather stay at home fucking with him
Than to not go shopping with me

I'd totally understand

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Just reinforcing what anon36-45 said.

"If you are truly worried about the state of your relationship or want to keep it up, it's important that you meet in person to talk about it"

[CarolinaGirl5]

Why don't you have a life and friends? You sound clingy and it doesn't seem this person views u as a friend

[Asker]

ofc i have a friends in my life but i cared that people so i am trying to solve problems that’s why im like this not im clingy xd

[CarolinaGirl5]

You really don't have friends seems like you're just clinging onto people that clearly don't want to be bothered with you. This person should not be the only person you engage with. They have a life and friends you don't and it's not their responsibility to cater to you

[Asker]

It seems like not being able to understand feelings and making such a situation out of just one story is like not being able to empathize.

[Alwayreckles93]

Your friend is acting like an immature child. Unfortunately some people never live highschool emotionally

[Nikki1989]

I am not insecure, so it would never bother me.

[yourpalval]

ngl i'm that type a bitch an when im single again i get a lotta shit for crawlin back so like i gotta work on that cuz now i see its fucked up

[exitseven]

My best friend was a lot better looking than me and he had girlfriends before I did. I resented it for sure.

[WhitneySnow]

Just do t speak to her until she contacts you

[WhitneySnow]

Don’t

[Radiate143]

Get on with my life that I have. Sounds like she's co dependent and you may be as well.

[Jamie05rhs]

I guess she got addickted. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[lorenzomichael]

I will start doing the things I should’ve been doing while I was kicking it with my friend.

[Wise4myage]

Hey, life happens. Remain her friend, but work on making some new friends.

[Anonymous]

Make her believe her boyfriend is toxic and or cheating on her.

[noohair]

Not all friendships are equal. You found this out with her.

[Anonymous]

You just gotta cut ties with her you know it has to be done

[avery58]

I wouldn't care, it's normal

[Cheerfull009]

She do not want you , and trying to bluff

[kaucky1]

Just move on