Guys that are serial monogamists, what would it take for you to marry instead of just doing a series of LTRs?

[Anonymous]

You obviously have the capacity for commitment and relationships, but for some reason feel the need to keep hopping to the next relationship instead of settling down. What would change that for you?

For context, my boyfriend of 3 years has had literally four relationships his entire life and no dating, and all three other relationships lasted for years. He just went from one pseudo-marriage to the next, and no dating or breaks in between. That's why I call him a serial monogamist. He lived with all four of us. I don't see what it would take to get him to settle down for good. He's 33 so you'd think it would be natural by this point.

We've talked about marriage and he just says he isn't ready for it or for kids. He's successful and owns a house, so I don't even know what else it would take to be ready. I'm not proud to say that I've snooped through every digital device he owns, and he's beyond faithful so that's not a concern either. I'm just mentally at a point where I'm waiting for him to end it and move on to a new girlfriend.

Tldr is that he has no reason to not be ready for marriage and I assume the relationship is going to just end one day when it's convenient for him.

[Anonymous]

What are you not having in the relationship that you want? Is it the kids or is it the financial obligation that he would have to pay your bills for life if you decide to cheat on him and leave? And the legal obligation to give you at least half of his assets, of course.

If it's just financial, then he's right to avoid marriage. If it's children, why not talk with him about having kids and getting married outside of the government's involvement? You can still have a ceremony and rings, but he doesn't have to put himself at risk of getting divorce raped.

[Opinion Owner]

That was a long way of me saying that a non-governmental marriage is what it would take to make me get married. Any woman that rejects that is admitting that she only wants to marry me for money.

[Asker]

I don't really know how to respond to this. I would be okay with a simulated marriage I guess. But that also means he could leave at any time, so what's the point?

[Opinion Owner]

Just like you can leave at any time. Married or not. Are you upset about an even playing field? Are you worried you would have to try harder in the relationship? Or worried you can't cheat and make him stay. Or abuse him and make him stay?

[Asker]

Alright

[Shelly2002]

Though it doesn't sound like the OP's boyfriend wants kids either, since he's not ready for that either. In that case, the OP is wasting time, wasting her fertile years.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I haven't met the woman yet who could convince me she was worth all the risks modern marriage poses to men.

[Asker]

Is it literally just the quality of woman that makes the difference?

[Opinion Owner]

It depends on what you mean by quality. Think about what marriage is for men today. Half of marriages end in divorce, women file 80% of them, and men get screwed in divorce court and child custody. A healthy marriage is good for both partners, but as a man, I cannot consider marriage without also considering the high likelihood my future wife will destroy my life. There is an epidemic of suicide among middle aged men today, and divorce is a huge factor in that.

No man goes into marriage thinking his wife will divorce him. But people change. Ans as a man, I would not marry a woman unless I had a high level of confidence that she would not change into the kind of woman who would divorce me. That means a woman with the kind of values most of today's woman no longer have.

[Asker]

Thank you for being so detailed with all of this.

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome. Thank you for MHO.

[AI Opinion]

You're dealing with something many face: the mystery of the serial monogamist! 😊 Often, it’s not about lack of readiness but a fear of permanence and losing freedoms. The emotional shift to fully commit involves feeling an irreplaceable connection, intense trust, and the idea that the relationship enhances life beyond its current state. Flirting with him, exploring deeper facets of connection, and spicing up the routine can subtly spark the desire. Communicate your needs and desires openly—sometimes just turning up the heat can sway the course of love! 💏🔥

[Vesuvius87]

Honey you are wasting your time. A serial monogamist is another term for a serial, prolonged friends with benefits under the disguise of boyfriend and girlfriend relationship aka keeping ''gfs'' just for the fun and romance. He already had several live-in girlfriend and you're just another number in his count. He isn't even ready for kids either. Do you want to be his childfree live-in girlfriend (to have fun and have unlimited sex with) forever, until you can't have kids anymore?

[Vesuvius87]

In order words he wants to keep having prolonged friends with benefits but obviously if he tells women that, he's going to get ditched. So he arranges the wording to boyfriend and girlfriend, in a ''committed relationship'' but without any responsibilities.

[Shelly2002]

That's why you don't live with a man if you want to get married. You're just aiming for a long-term (temporary) boyfriend, not a husband nor kids. If you want marriage, then seek a traditional man that doesn't do cohabitation. You're already 3 years into the relationship and aren't getting any younger. He's going to waste all your good fertile years.

[Shelly2002]

Go read my post:
Can cohabitation be a SCAM for women that want commitment? ↗
It's suitable for women believing that moving in with a boyfriend is a step towards marriage when it isn't and never was. You're dating a modern day man. Date a traditional man for marriage.

[genericname85]

well just take the male perspective. what benefit is there in going that step? what do they get that they don't already have? obviously there's great cost involved and you understand that. but what benefit comes for that huge extra cost?