Are you okay with dating someone who maintains an active platonic relationship with a former sexual or dating partner?

[OlderAndWiser]

"We'ree just friends!"

I have had platonic relationships with the opposite sex and I can honestly say that I never wanted to have sex with the women who had always been just friends. Yes, it is possible. . . at least for me and some other people, but maybe not everyone.

Once upon a time, I tried to maintain a platonic relationship with a girl who had previously been a sexual partner. She had broken up with me and I still wanted a relationship, so I tried to maintain contact, hoping that she would reconsider our relationship. I simply wasted my time and, when I was ready to start dating again, having a "friendship" with the ex would have been a huge red flag for any potential future partner.

If I was still dating now, I would walk away from any woman who was trying to maintain an active "friendship" with a former dating/sexual partner. HBU?

I've never dated anyone. Period.

I've never dated anyone who was maintaining a "friendship" with a former dating partner or sexual partner.

I've dated someone who was maintaining a "friendship" with a former dating partner or sexual partner. As soon as I discovered that, I immediately ended the relationship.

I've dated someone who was maintaining a "friendship" with a former dating partner or sexual partner. I did not immediately ended the relationship but it eventually fell apart because of the ex.

I've dated someone who was maintaining a "friendship" with a former dating partner or sexual partner. I did not end the relationship but it eventually fell apart for other reasons.

I've dated someone who was maintaining a "friendship" with a former dating partner or sexual partner. I did not end the relationship and, in fact, we are still together.

[lightbulb27]

yes,

when there are kids from the prior union... there is not much choice. for the sake of the nuclear family... childrens well being... the parents need to have some good standing raising the children. should ideally stay within those bounds to address needs of children, not for personal satisfaction.

beyond that scenario, no... not advisable.

Goal should be to protect current relationship.

My wife has done a good job of fostering positive relationship with X for sake of children so the children have a healthy view of their father and parents. That's been essential to childrens development. I've gone as far as to speak with he and his wife cordially to help them through issues such as how to handle issues with the children as they had struggled at times and we were having success.

It's a challenge of protecting current relationship, fostering healthy relationships around you, while maintaining proper boundaries including for your own emotional health. Boundaries... are easy to cross... in error, so one must remain conscious and communciate well, be conscious of your feelings.

[Staximus]

If she sees them at gatherings with their group of friends then that's fine, but not if it's just the two of them hanging out together with nobody else around.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

This has always seemed weird to me, but I've never been in that situation, either. I do know someone in this situation and it seems to be fine.

It might be like running into an ex-boyfriend from college; been there, done that, never again. But, I'm an adult and can be friendly and polite to another human. It likely depends on the nature of the breakup and the ability of both to forgive and move on.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Sorry; posted too quickly. It would depend, but I would hesitate until I got a feel for the dynamic. When I was married, there had been a nasty breakup with my husband with a previous woman. I encouraged him to be civil and not ignore her in social settings.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, I agree with acting in a civil manner but that is far different from trying to actively maintain a friendship and still spending time together.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

True.

[Anonymous]

No. At the start I was OK with my husband being friends with exes but he himself had to put s stop to it after one came on to him very hard.

[OlderAndWiser]

Looking back on it, no too surprising, huh?

[Finchie40]

Dating someone yes , but relationship No , When I date a girl , I am just getting to know her , her and I have no strings attached , we are just acquaintances that choose to get to know each other , , if we end up getting closer together , and she is still seeing her ex , I will tell her the truth that I will not commit to her until she is free from her exes period , and explain to her if she wants me to choose her she needs to choose me the same , if not? Let’s just stay friends’ because I don’t want to be with a girl that holds onto her exes like they are these amazing people , An ex is an ex for a reason, exempt them from your life and move on , if you can’t then you aren’t the girl for me period

[AviatorTom]

I've never been in that situation, but it wouldn't bother me. My wife has male friends that she used to date. Doesn't bother me. I'm still on friendly terms with my ex-wife, and I'm pretty sure that doesn't bother my wife.

What's important is the present and future, not the past.

[MisterWack]

With my current relationship, she had no prior sexual encounter or whatever though it wouldn’t be a deal breaker since we are humans and are capable of faults.

Imagine you hooked up with someone thinking they were more than a friend though you both came to realize that you just didn’t click anymore on a relationship spectrum though more on the basis of friendship so you go on a date 5-7 years later having no feeling toward the ex other than a friendship then the date doesn’t accept you even after you’ve grown as a person. Though this is just my way of looking at it. You do you.

[OlderAndWiser]

The scenario you illustrate is certainly a possibility, but it is not the most likely scenario. What is MUCH more likely is that either your partner or their ex does not accept that their relationship is over and is waiting for an opportunity to try to rekindle the romance. And that is much more likely to happen between two partners who have prevously been sexually intimate. Ask people who have more experience in relationships and most of them will confirm what I have said.

However, I don't expect you to accept my words simply because I said them. When I was a young man, I needed to learn many lessons for myself. Of course, you can continue conducting your relationships with this idea that friendship with an ex is not a red flag, but once you have been burned, you won't want to put your hand so close to the fire again.

[Cutea]

Yes I did date someone like that, and I could do it to. But now I can say ex should stay only in your past. It is not a good idea to do it. As soon as there is a problem the ex will come back in your life to destroy new relationship or if it is the ex of the other person you can hear that they were sleeping together. Always be cautious of the opposite sex friendship that is what I can say

[OlderAndWiser]

Precisely!

[Phoenix98]

Being a guy and knowing how men's minds work it's kind of a red flag to me because I know even if the woman's intentions are innocent I know that there is a more then likely chance the guys are not.

And to me it just seem weird to stay friends with an ex or sexual partner aside from very specific situations.

[OlderAndWiser]

Bingo!

[Phoenix98]

Yup prefer to stay away from those kinds of situations just creates unneeded chaos and drama.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

I would unless it really smells fishy like said ex is trying to worm their way in back.

One of my wife's best friends is a woman who I briefly dated way before we got together, and my wife doesn't mind us being friends, althrough admittedly my ex is much more friends with my wife and "friendly aquaintance" with me.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

That said, I never dated someone who was close friends with their exes, not because I wouldn't but because it never happened.

[MrPiercedD]

From the psychological point of view, platonic friendship between opposite sexes cannot exist. Unless both parties are gays. In each situation at least one of the "friends" will want "more".

So, to answer your question - NO. There is no way that I'd be ok about that. Even if she would be having really good friends of opposite sex and saying that they never had sex before. That things simply doesn't work.

[slatyb]

I either trust people or I don't. If I trusted them, then sure. It happens. But if they are putting me second to their former partner, then it's clear they aren't over it.

[PsychicBoobs]

I'm not insecure nor do I feel like I own anyone. I've told every relationship. If you fall out of love just balls up and tell me first. All I ask.

[CVNT5]

what kind of dumbass poll u got. The answer is FUCK NO! re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[OlderAndWiser]

"Dumbass" because you can't imagine anyone disagreeing with you? Look at the results: there is already at least one vote in every category I created, so apparently the dumbass is not me and my poll.

[msc545]

Congratulations on not removing this ridiculous and abusive comment all together from your question. I would have done so without hesitation. Nobody needs to put up with this kind of crap.

[OlderAndWiser]

@msc545 10-4!

[Nikki1989]

Yes, I have and even married someone like that. It baffles me why so many people on here make an issue out of it.

[SolitarySolace]

No. But I don’t date at all period. I’ve been cheated on far too many times to give woman a chance. My trust has been broken I the point I can never true a woman outside of my immediate family again.

[Unit1]

that would not sit comfortably with me. I know how these stories are told.

[Anonymous]

Yeah my ex had him on facebook. She has me too. I will post a picture with a hot girl to make her jealous until she unfriends me that when I win hahaha.

[OlderAndWiser]

Relationships that are defined by winning or losing always end as a total loss.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s a win if i can piss her off haha.

[OlderAndWiser]

Getting a girl pissed off is how you celebrate with the opposite sex? Really?

[Opinion Owner]

Opposite sex? Celebrate? I will not celebrate with my ex what you saying? If she is pissed I will be happy. I will not celebrate with her? You can celebrate with your ex

[katiesmuff]

Never been in that situation, but doubt it would've bothered me all that much.

[HighValue]

Any contact with any ex is completely unacceptable. I'd end the relationship.

[exitseven]

I never have done this but I would have a problem with it.

[WowGIrl4ever]

If he has a relationship with her he doesn't need to be in one with me. It's disrespectful and shady unless kids are involved

[CarolinaGirl5]

No.. the only exception is if the woman is the mother of his kids.

[DrPepper12]

I have platonic ex's - all of them. I also DGAF about her male friends. It's ridiculous and weak.

[Anonymous]

nope. no hymen, no diamond

[OlderAndWiser]

And you are a virgin, too?

[msc545]

I've done this but it created suspicion on my part and it later turned out of course that the suspicion was well warranted. That was the end of that brief relationship.

[Alwayreckles93]

Mommas boy are a huge problem.

[spartan55]

Lol... don't think so.

[genericname85]

no. that's not cool.

[worldscolide]

Short and simple, no. Too much risk of cheating

[dudeinohio]

It's a deal breaker for me.

[paledreams]

No I couldn't

[Redstang88]

Absolutely not

[KittygosMeoWW]

That’s a hard no

[Slim57]

Hell no