Do You Think It's Okay To Be Hooking Up With Someone While Looking To Date Others?

Question

I'm sorry but I wouldn't want to start dating someone that's actively having a sexual relationship with someone else. I thought people get into friends with benefits relationships because they don't want a long term relationship. But to be having friends with benefits and going out on dates, starting relationships with others? And probably not mentioning the friends with benefits, so then isn't that starting out with lies?

Citizenkirk · Accepted Answer

I think the pursuit of quality over quantity is a better strategy for giving you a better outcome in you're dating strategies or social life. If you're trying to juggle three or four partners at a given time, with the assumption that the more you have too choose from, the more likely you are, too have a good companion from that selection of eligible companions, is just fundamentally flawed.
When working at Rivera Tool@Die, I had too answer to a new set of owners every other week, it seemed, and when a group of foreign investors representing Mercedes BMW took over production management after buying out the company, after a long succession of other owners before them, most of them foreign investment groups representing Asian companies, that had the same idea as they did about higher profits while cutting cost and avoiding tariffs, some corporate Head Honcho from Germany is yelling to one of his underlings in Germany on his cell phone and then yelling at my boss in really badly accented broken English, about a deviation of about two and a half microns on a drip pan for a Mercedes and some other issues concerning the engine of one of their S-Class models.
I see my boss storming my way about to give me hell about it. I knew that the whole place is getting shut down in a matter of a few days anyway, and didn't want to hear it, because I already heard the German version in the men's room while using one of the urinals, with him shouting behind me on his phone, and had no desire to listen to the English version of that rant, so when he reached my station I held my hand up, showed them the substandard materials we were working with, with the cold rolled steel material, showed them the worn bushings and carbon filaments on the shafts of the 1000 ton presses, kept it short and simple for his lack of comprehension the English language, indicating worn out, these need replacing, and crappy material no good and took them over to the next aisle down over with piles of thousands of aluminum compressed engine blocks and the aisle next to it with the shiny brand new, never to be used composite tool steel pistons, rings and drive cams, and pressure plates, saying "good quality materials, good workmanship, all within specksheet tolerances that surpass what you got going back home. On their way to the scrap yard because your company is too cheap to give qualified machinist and press operators hours to put them together. They're unemployed now, I'm going to be unemployed in 2 weeks, and you're going to be unemployed a week after that if you are expected to produce quality parts from the cheapest Cold rolled steel and aftermarket extruded aluminum with no quality control information available from the supplier.
I was wrong about me being unemployed within two weeks, because they gave me the floor managers job, and kept me on for 3 weeks, cuz they needed someone to oversee the dismantling of the plant, make sure everything got to the scrap yard the way it was supposed to. My point, you can juggle two or three or four guys or girls, whichever your situation is at a given time, if you want to, thinking that the more you got to choose from, the better your options are. But chances are, that if these people have such little self-esteem and not enough self-respect to avoid that scene in the first place, than chances are, you are working with a lot of cheep cold rolled, aftermarket losers with no quality control criteria too work with.
Not much to build a quality relationship on.

Do You Think It's Okay To Be Hooking Up With Someone While Looking To Date Others?

Jazquee · Accepted Answer

I find it to be extremely selfish and narcissistic to want to keep someone on the line while you see what else is out there.
If you want to sleep around. Hey, that's your choice. But then don't get into a relationship. Bounce around and fuck your heart out. But don't pretend to be someone you are not. Because if you are into that... your not into dating and loving someone other than. Yourself.
If you choose to be in a relationship... then BE IN it. Try... love and see the real way through trial and error if they are someone you want to be with.
Don't toy with others' emotions for your selfish gain... that's fucked up.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

NO . Anyone that says otherwise is part of the problem with dating.  I'm sorry but when I'm with someone or getting to know him, I ONLY focus on him and no one else!  How tacky is that to sleep around when you're getting to know someone else? That tells me you're not serious about dating, or just after sex.

coachTanthony · Answer

It's funny that people want to NOT stop sleeping with someone else while pursuing a relationship with others but if they were married OH BOY that would be a huge problem.

Like I am married but I am looking for someone before I get divorced. Ha It's all the same shit.

I'll pass.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Having a partner for sexual satisfaction would be physically satisfying, but I want to be fully available for a new partner if I am dating and meeting a good prospect.

Account · Answer

I dont do and I have never done that for many personal reasons, however, I consider it to be okay. They are not in a relationship. Therefore, I see no issue unless they lie about it.

InventorofWarp · Answer

I remember a girl I had a few dates with once when I was 20 was doing exactly this. She was fucking one of her neighbours regularly and yet she started dating me. She also went on a rant the second date about how bad some of her previous dates were and let it slip that she went on more than one date in the previous month before me with guys who took her to a bar that ended with her fucking them because she was buzzed or drunk.
Maybe that should've been a red flag but I'm me so I always think "would I want someone to judge me on my past?" Because someone could fucking harshly judge me based on my past very easily.
But the kicker was I think date number 3 or 4 I went to go pick her up and, A: The dude was still in her apartment and I could tell because it definitely wasn't her shirt or mine in her doorway and, B: She had totally just had sex like an hour or so before I picked her up.
Again, I'm the kind of guy who doesn't want to judge. I mean it's not like we were exclusive and tbh with my past (or lack thereof) no matter what happens I'm never gonna be able to believe that some girl loves me the way that I love her, I'm always gonna feel like number 2 or 3 or 44. But that night I really felt like trash so I just went on the date, took her home and never called her again.

I somewhat raised my standards after that.

Sensmind · Answer

I must admit that the whole friends with benefits is way off my radar - I don't know how near or far from the truth I am but I honestly believe that it is nigh on impossible for friends with benefits to get really close (as in couple wise) without one or both developing feelings. If you want to "Hook Up" , have casual flings , if you want "Date" , date. I think the middle ground is fraught with danger with every expectation of one or both getting hurt.
I agree with you , there has to be a line somewhere either you want to hook up or search for a relationship. If at any stage , dating looks possible, for me personally line would be quite early, go exclusive

Karz101 · Answer

NO WHY WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER IT, I think us as women and esp for me as im a mam of 3x girls like many more mums we need to be respected , And if we’re not sleeping with them we are still giving them a piece of us were still saying asleep around her ideasAnd if we’re not sleeping with them we are still giving them a piece of us were still dating, It’s a no from me definitely I’m not going to give every man the opportunity to say they didn’t me even if it was only for a day or two still stay no I don’t sleep around self-respect
Women/Girls listen what we have is powerful (ourprivate) as long as wehat we have is powerful more then we know 💓🇬🇧🍀🛍❤️

JosyJosy · Answer

'in theory', you're still single, you're free to do whatever.
Now would I be able to do that? No. Dating multiple people at once? No. In my eyes, when you date, you're looking for someone to commit with, right? To be in a relationship with, so act accordingly and don't sleep around. I had a friend with benefits but as soon as I took interest in my now boyfriend, I stopped that friends with benefits relationship altogether. We should commit to that person only, I feel like, for him, but for you as well.

Dontaaa · Answer

These are one of these things that I say.

Imagine telling the person you're on a day with that you're also hooking up with someone else.

Their reaction to you telling them that with show whether that it's okay or not.

I don't care what anyone says, that is something you would want to know if you're looking for a serious relationship.

And if you object on not wanting to tell them then you already know you're in the wrong.

If you know you're not doing anything wrong then there's nothing to hide.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

I think it's fair game to hook up with other people before defining an exclusive relationship.

That being said, I think its also fair, to go into date 1 stating that you prefer to date (sexually or otherwise) one partner at a time, and are willing to hold out for someone, and therefore would want that same energy back.

If someone doesn't like that approach, then they're not for you, and thank you next.

I've dabbled on both sides of the fence. I can say, you're more likely to have a committeed relationship with regular sex if you invest in one, rather than spending all your free time trying to impress new people.

The experience is fun, the attention is great, but after a while, it becomes less meaningful. People move on and people dating to have fun aren't usually dating to stay.

ohshee · Answer

I agree with you 100 % , I might talk a lot of shit on here, but I believe in me and if I like somebody I don't need to be out chasing anybody else, it's just who I am , i mean I can say this is crazy , but I do the same thing when I find a sexting or role play , even , phone sex partner, I feel , if this person is giving me this part of them it needs to be respected, it's sounds stupid but that's just the way it is , stupid is what stupid does

Anonymous · Answer

Okay I’m gonna say one thing and one thing only, I believe as long as both people are honest and clear and lay the truth out on the table as if their only having fun together whether that’s a casual relationship or friends with benefits, I don’t see the problem as long as they make that clear together and their not going around fucking other people at the same time and it’s just them two and they have a solid connection but if their dating other people or seeing someone where it’s potentially serious then okay that’s messed up and disgusting but other than that I don’t see the problem as long as they stay safe and don’t lie about stuff

CaliDad · Answer

It's frustrating, but not surprising, that so many people think they own a person they are dating. Dating is not a commitment, a sexual relationship is not a commitment... making a commitment is a separate and important step to make sure both partners are on the same page. You should be dating more than one person at a time, otherwise you're either (1) constantly jumping from one relationship to the next with frequent depressive episodes, or (2) never going to have enough time to meet enough people to find one you can put up with "forever." Most of the people I know in happy, strong relationships were dating several other people when they met their SO. I was dating three besides my wife, she knows about it and was dating several also. Don't make your potential SO hide this from you, and you won't be staring with a lie.

Massageman · Answer

That has happened on Columbo and other police procedurals quite often as a story arc leading to a motive (having the hooker-upper in the wings while offing the spouse), but I digress - - - - -

This type of dual-relationship-type is not okay. But murder isn't okay and that still continues as well. It's hard enough for me to keep track of a wife - I don't have time to hook up even IF I had the chance!

COMMODOREII · Answer

Starting out with lies yes. There was a rule my friends with benefits did not break at the time. If someone came along that we wanted to actively date and we wanted to pursue we would not meet for sex. Thats where the friends part came in. In fact we encouraged each other to date because we wanted to be happy. We knew we were never going to be together but we always helped each other to find the one we wanted.

GoldenTulip · Answer

No a big NO! Why would i sleep with someone else if i want a relationship with another? It doesn't make sense, does it? And why do so many people wanna sleep around? I can easily do myself and hold in untill i get a new serious relationship. Because that is just cheap and slutty.

Lilbrown · Answer

Interesting! If one is honest with all parties then it is consensual adults sharing time and space. To deceptively explore multiple entanglements (lol) is selfish and self servicing! He/she should always allow the other party to make an informed decision!

paradiseonearth93 · Answer

I agree with you. I was seeing this guy and he told me a month in that he was still casually hooking up with this girl but hardly ever and she doesn’t matter to him but it really ruined the image I had of him tbh. Like he can’t hold off sex while he’s dating someone he’s into? That’s a red flag in my opinion. If he is incapable of not having sex in the moment while seeing someone he’s into, it kinda makes me wary if he’d sexually cheat down the line or like why he can’t control that animal impulse just a little. Just tacky in my opinion

Elsa143 · Answer

NO, NO AND NO !!
It's should be a crime.
How can someone use others or even if others are okay with it, they're gonna ruin the life of the person they're targeting to date.
That's why I don't trust anyone.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

I’m inclined to agree with you. I mean, it’s going to be an awkward convo if you tell you date you kinda like him but you also occasionally get with somebody else just for fun. Then again it would be a cool plot for a romance novel.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I wouldn't do that, so for me it is not alright to do. Remember! It bacame a sport to have as many sexual incounters as possible and make it look cool. How the fuck is that cool? I don't get

Lionman95 · Answer

No, I´m a rather conservative guy concerning sex. I can only have sex with a woman I already have a bond with. Sex is nothing I can have with strangers.

Jaylaaa2000 · Answer

Yeah, i wanna have 10 friends with benefits at the same time right before finding my soulmate. Don't ground me🥺 im just tryin to get ya to yell at me😂

Anonymous · Answer

This question is so open-ended and further… your description then actually shows it be nothing more than an attempt to validate how you feel about it. For instance, if what you mean as hooking up with someone… is in fact just saying fucking them only once and then forgetting them… just say it plainly.

Just because I tended to fuck the girl on my first date, does not mean that was my intention to go on a date with her. It just happens… I’ve only known one girl who actually asked me to stop, and I did… and I’m still married to her.

Sargentcaptain · Answer

What's the point of looking for a romantic relationship when you're already having sex with someone else? It just shows that the person is not willing to commit to someone.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

No, I mean if you're looking for an open relationship where you've made it clear to any potential dates, then maybe, but otherwise, I think it'd be disrespectful.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Same here. I wouldn't trust a person who has a friends with benefits. Sex is more important to me than that. And I take great offence to infidelity, which a person like that is almost certain to do when the relationship hits a rough patch.

Splatzonelover1 · Answer

This one of my deal breaker if a person give up with sex on first date to see a immature or lead them to come player and will cheat around. . They also chance of getting STD and not taking that Risk and will always rejected guys that think with their dicks.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

I don’t “hook-up” never have, can’t imagine a scenario where I ever would.

Jjpayne · Answer

I don't think so. Dating is one thing but hooking up is quite another

KrakenAttackin · Answer

@brainsbeforebeauty. I completely agree. How can you commit to get to know someone when you are fucking other people? Absurd.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

No, If I'm dating a woman I don't want to be hooking up with other women for sex

Anonymous · Answer

Different strokes for different folks. I for one am in your boat. I am not interested in forming love triangles, squares, rectangles, pentagons, hexagons etc.

I am either single or in a committed relationship.

Tunasub · Answer

If you are looking to date a specific person then all other activity should cease in my opinion.

Ironic_Method · Answer

I have no issue with it if we're not in a relationship. What if you go out on a date and then you find out you two aren't compatible?

Or let's put it this way. How long is the right amount of time between having sex with someone else and dating? A day? A month?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No. But I do think it's okay to masturbate if you're single.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

No, because to me that would be like sending mixed messages.

WoodNymph · Answer

Fuck hookup culture and casual sex. It's fucking disgusting.

humanearth · Answer

Nope, main reason is, because I fall in love easily

yofuknutz · Answer

Listen as long as a motherfuker chips in for the rent they can stay

Lliam · Answer

No. I wouldn't want to be with a woman who was also having sex with someone else. She has to want to be with me and me only.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Of course. I don't expect one who is not commited to me yet to be commited to me. So whatever they do while still single is there own to do. Because people can be single and just having sex.

HugoThe2nd · Answer

Of course it is ok.
Expecting random strangers to be exclusive to you just because of your ego is completely ridiculous.

Once we have been dating for maybe 3 or so months and I see there is some potential, I may start considering offering some level of commitment.
Before that, no that's silly.

PinkMichae · Answer

Only if everyone knows you're sleeping with someone and dating others.

Mossberg500 · Answer

Well I'm a traditionalist, so I imagine you can determine my answer from that.

slatyb · Answer

Do whatever you like as long as you aren't lying about it to someone who deserves to know.

Shihab91 · Answer

Hooking up is bad in general

anon1903 · Answer

If your partner knows and consents, technically it's no cheating

bethgurl · Answer

That's stupidity  Your playing with yo life

poneglyphs · Answer

I would do it if I could get a hookup if not a date in general. I can't get anything right now :(

Mark987 · Answer

100%.. as long as your are not exclusive with anyone it's fair game...

Sanjay_Naked · Answer

Hook up with someone and dating with others can be perfect "friends with benefit." Because you can date someone, but before marriage you can have sex with a friend, it will also be safe and known person.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Nope. I'm either the only one or I'm not involved.

Daphne_93 · Answer

If your dating causal sure or you talk with a partner.

Wise4myage · Answer

You're a free agent and not committed to anyone, so go for it and have fun.

Pete671 · Answer

Hook ups and dating yes sure there is no commitment, but "courting" is a different matter,

genericname85 · Answer

sure. if both are on the same page about that, that's fine. to each their own.

Hanrej · Answer

Yes, unless anything else is agreed upon you don't have any responsibilities towards eachother.

msc545 · Answer

It's probably OK if you tell them about it if you hookup more than once.

VitreouS · Answer

It sounds like your typical modern female strategy... to find someone new before you dump the current. Having friends with benefits while trying to meet someone. Have fun trying to pair bond with anyone if you need to sleep around all the time.
Not really marriage material. It screams insecurity to me.

Alpha4U · Answer

Yes. its in the dating phase. its not relationship nor marriage. its perfectly normal to keep the options open.

Do You Think It's Okay To Be Hooking Up With Someone While Looking To Date Others?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do You Think It's Okay To Be Hooking Up With Someone While Looking To Date Others?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.