Is it okay to date for the sake of dating?

[chx000]

So, there are two women in my social circle who seem to really like me and whom I can date. I like them both, but not crazed about either.

The last time I was really excited about meeting a woman was my ex girlfriend. I was so happy to have met and dated her two years ago. However, the relationship sadly ended after a year.

Since that time, I have met plenty of women. I have dated a few. But, none of them gave me the sense of excitment and anticipation I felt when I met my ex.

My friends joke that they wish they had my problems: women who are interested in me and who even ask me out. They also warn me that I am getting older and can end up lonely if I don't give these women a fair shot and otherwise stop being so picky.

Would it be wrong to date these women, even casually, knowing that I am not all that jazzed about them and looking for something else? Or is it best to not date at all and hold out for someone who really turns me on?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks all for the comments. I would date both of them, but since they are in the same social circe, it could problematic.


I am concerned that I date them and then will find someone else I like and end up hurting them. Of course, this the chance one takes when dating and it has certainly happened to me.

[vmw2008]

I wouldn't force yourself to date because of the age factor. That's dating out of fear, and that helps nobody. But as far as dating casually just to date, sure I don't see anything wrong with that. Spending time with people is fun. Meeting new people is fun. It's especially fun with a member of the opposite sex when it could possibly grow into something more. You may not be jazzed about them now, but you could be later. Love is funny like that.

I am against leading people on, so I would advise you to be honest about your feelings and not to let it go on for too long if you sense it's going nowhere. Other than that, I say go out and have a good time. That's why it's called dating and not "definitely going to marry this person."

[panpan]

If they are in your social circle that would mean you know them a little bit already. So either you don't like their personality so much or their looks? I'm not sure. I guess you could try one date or so to see if there's a click or if you unexpectedly get along well with them. But if the spark is still not there, it would probably be better to look for someone else? I would think that a relationship has to unfold naturally. If you like a person you will want to spend more time with a person automatically. Perhaps it will happen after you get to know them better, otherwise, better wait for someone you really feel like matches you in both personality and looks.

[chx000]

Yes, I admit that looks may be a factor. My ex was very pretty and I guess got spoiled. I know it sounds shallow and it probably is, but you asked and there you have it. Of course, I have learned the hard way that looks are not everything. It may best not to date either. I am pretty certain I can get sex from at least one of them, but that may complicate matters if I am not serious and she is.

[panpan]

I don't think they'll be happy if you have sex with them and then move on :P. From your profile I get the impression that you might not have gotten over your ex-girlfriend? Perhaps it's better not to date if you don't feel like it just yet.

[chx000]

It's a dillema for me. I honestly would love it if my ex came back to me, but I know that is not going to happen, and I refuse to chase after her. I know I can get girls, and have the sex and companionship that goes along with those girls. But, if I am not crazy about them, I know I will end up hurting them (and maybe myself) in the end. One of the girls told me I could date others, but I don't know if she means this. She may be hurt if she sees me with someone else. But she did say it.

[cotsia]

No I don't think it would be wrong, but it sounds so shallow when you don't give them a chance to actually meet them and how they are. When two people start dating - even if they've known each other for long and they're good friends - you always find out more about that person. You see the good and bad in them and you see what you like about that person and not. You might start dating one of those two ladies, but getting to know them better can change your mind from being not all that jazzed to actually look forward in seeing them and be crazed about it. I'm just saying, it's worth giving it a shot but it'd be devastating if someone was hurt over this.

[Anonymous]

In my position, I will date them. However, I will date with the intent to become friends, not lovers. They may not get it, but I will mentally insist on keeping it friendly, so that I do not lead them on, nor fall into the trap of being forced into any commitments.

I like to date a girl who is also my best friend. Hence the 'see if they can become my good friends' angle to my answer.

[chx000]

So, you keep things platonic until you decide they can be your friends? If so, how do you prevent being stuck in the "friend zone".

[Opinion Owner]

Simple, keep things platonic until they become the friends you automatically turn to to chat about the latest fun topics/hobbies. But before anyone of you start divulging any personal secrets to each other. That's when you start to up the teasing and flirting slowly over a few months.

[martyfellow]

i went the route of not 'ating' formallya t all, and met women when working together or travelling, in 'more 'natural' ways.

I'd give up on dating just out of obligation, or boredom, and try to find someone who really interests you

[martyfellow]

Sorry, not paying attention.I didn't 'formally date at all after age 17, and tried to meet women in more 'organic' ways.

Such lousy typing!

[lumos]

To be honest, if they like you and you feel indifferent about them, you shouldn't date them. A rule of thumb for me is to always date someone who's on the same page as you. You wouldn't be on the same page as them because they have slightly more to lose than you do (if they do really like you). You might end up leading them both on (probably not entirely on purpose, but still) which would only end up in them getting their feelings hurt and you causing drama in your social circle. Not a good idea.

It might be a better idea to find someone who you're more excited about dating, and who's equally excited to date you.

[Anonymous]

I think it's best to hold out for someone who'll turns you on. If you're not really that interested in someone, I think even if you'll give it a shot it will not last. So better not to waste your time on something that won't work