I am so lonely and can't find a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I'm 22 and sick of being alone,I really just wish I was dead.Its been a year since I split up with my boyfriend of 3 years and I hardly get any attention from guys now.The guys that approach me are either twice my age or obese.I work so hard on my figure and always have to go without the foods that I really like to eat.I always have my make up done,I dress well and always make sure I keep up with my waxing and things like that.I can't take being alone anymore and I have no idea what the hell to do

[JackWSmith]

I think women can look too well put together. A woman who looks perfect gives the vibe of being too much trouble, the type of woman that will probably shoot me down, or make me wish she had, because if I landed her I wouldn't like being with her. Try finding new places to go, and new activities to enjoy. Learn to like yourself and have fun without us. Wherever you go, whatever you're doing, try to smile and have fun. If you see a man who attracts you, let him know that you are interested and available. You don't have to go up to him, but you can let him catch you looking. Smile, bite your lip, and look down at your shoes. All of us know what that means, or we should anyway. If that's too coquettish, smile and tilt your head. Understand that an approach represents an investment for us. Rejections cause discomfort and embarrassment , and they limit our ability to talk to other girls who might have seen. If you send us clear signals we'll be more likely to approach.

In general, men aren't as good at reading body language as women. There are many successful male poker players, business leaders, police detectives, and criminals. All of these occupations require the ability to read body language. Men can learn, but studies find that the average woman is superior to the average man in this regard. You might think you're sending signals, but you need to step it up for us. It's like trying to talk to your old deaf grand parents: You have to yell. I watched a video on Youtube about a female non-verbal cue called "the help me eyes." According to this video, you girls send out this signal and other women take it as their sacred duty to come and rescue you from talking to me. I had to watch the video four times before I saw anything . Finally I noticed a slight widening of the eyes and tensing of the eyebrows.

And you might just be too good looking. Many beautiful women complain about guys not approaching them. We write you off because we assume you'll say no, and that your boyfriend is over six feet tall, with dark hair, a square jaw, and shoulders that are twice as wide as his waist. If I approach the really hot girl, I can't approach the average girl after I'm shot down. No one wants to be a back up plan. The winning strategy for us is to ask out the average girl first. And so you need to use non-verbal cues to let a man you find attractive know that you are single and are at least willing to give him a shot. Otherwise he'll think, "Well that girl would be awesome, but that other girl will probably give me her number, and I can't talk to both."

[switiepie-09]

wow, well said.

[cavmanier]

Women give horrible body language if you talking about from across the room. Yes us guys can pick up body language if we are face to fast but no way from across the room.

[gemglam]

Nicely put but I don't think I am that brave. If I smile and get shot down, that's not cool.

[sweet_18]

Lol it's the eyebrows but you can see that she widens her eyes for a split second.

[Level-Zero]

Hey, im 20, 21 in less then a month, and I am kinda the same situation being depressed about life and all, I flirt with a lot of girls but they always end up having boyfriends or not being interested, whats worse is that my ex (also of 3 years) recently texting me that she's in another relationship. I exercise, and iron my cloths (wish i was joking) but haven't found a single girl thats interested me. most days i really dont care for going through the motions,
Anyways i can really relate to your post and if you ever want a lonely guy that knows what your going through to talk to, just text me 708-446-0552
From
A lost lonely Soul

[oddmanguy]

On,e there's never a reason to wish you were dead. I'm 21 and never had a serious girlfriend. Yeah it's hard. I've always been the guy that worked too hard and ended up being friend carded. I deal with it. If you're as attractive as you say then guys may just be nervous to approach you unless they, like the"obese" or older guys, figure they don't have much to lose. Don't give up there's someone out there for you. Maybe just make an effort to talk to that cute guy you see at work or school if you go there, they'll love the fact that you talked to them first.

[serendipitous]

I think a lot of the times, life isn't so much about planning for a particular moment, but more about living in the moment. You could go out every night to a club in the hopes of finding someone you like; or, you could sign up for dating websites and go on a million blind dates. Though those things can't really hurt your chances, they don’t necessarily ensure a favorable outcome. By the same token, you could go to take your dog out for a walk one morning, not expecting anything, and end up meeting the love of your life. A lot of it has to do with patience and openness; be patient that you'll find the right guy for you, and be open to new people and new experiences. I know this sounds stupid, but if you take the pressure off of yourself to find someone, you'll be more open to life and its opportunities. Just take it easy, go with the flow, and never turn down an invite to go out. You have to put yourself out there, but most importantly, you have to have fun! I know it stinks to be single, but it's important that you be content with your life as it is ( I know, easier said than done) because men can sense when you‘re not. When a woman glows and radiates happiness, men are naturally drawn to her. Embrace life and the moment you're in right now, and just take time to love yourself. I know it sounds ridiculously cheesy, but you can't expect yourself to let someone love you until you love yourself. Enjoy this time that you have to think about what you want in a relationship so that when the right chap comes along (and he will), you'll know exactly what you want and expect from him.

Also, it wouldn't hurt to be going out on a regular basis. I'm not talking about night clubs, because it's pretty safe to say that a man in a nightclub probably isn't there to find a committed relationship. As I said before, think about what qualities you look for in a man. Based on this, go to those places where you might find that kind of man and preferably, not many women to compete with! In other words, go to the driving range nearest you and ask a cute guy to help you on your swing. Or, get a membership at a local country club; you'll find plenty of good looking men there who hold steady jobs (and usually lucrative ones, at that). Just think about what you want, and be open enough to recognize it when you see it!

Good Luck,

-A

[allthatglitters25]

Well here's my advice:

1. Don't look so hard for love, you will find it when it's right. Why do you think everyone is always writing about love or singing about it, etc.? Because its hard to find. I'm sure you don't want to be with just anyone- you want to be with someone that is right for you. This takes time to find.

2. Don't focus so hard on looking perfect because it doesn't read as genuine to guys it reads as high maintenance.

3. Make yourself happy! don't skip out on meals or your favorite foods- this won't make you happy and guys are attracted to happiness. would you want to be with someone that looks miserable all of the time?

4. If you see someone you like- go for it! you've got nothing to lose.

5. I've been where you are now and here's what I did: flirt with as many people as possible because it gives you a little bump up in self esteem, and it will make talking to guys easier. And when you feel sexy and happy guys will want to be around you.

I hope this helps you! Don't be depressed or unhappy because its just a tiny lull in male attention, things will pick up once you feel better about yourself.

[Asker]

Thank you,that is very good advice.It been a year though so I don't think we can call it a tiny lull

[allthatglitters25]

trust me it happens to the best of us. Just find something that makes you happy and focus on that. Also, spend a lot of time with friends-they can be what keeps you sane while you're going through a time where you're less than happy.

[Anonymous]

Oh dear this sounds like my life! So let me tell you, you are not alone! I'm 21 and my last "boyfriend" which was practically the only boyfriend was more than a year ago.We didn't last 3 years, we lasted 1 month and broke up the next day in such a way that bruised my self confidence. He was a total jerk and moved on a month later with his current girlfriend who he's been with ever since. Since then I only meet the type of guy that only wants to get into your pants and that's it. I'm told I am very attractive and have a fun personality so like you, I don't what the hell to do. What I have learned from being single all this time is to focus my energy on building up my self confidence by doing things that make me happy and also to not depend on a guy to be happy. It sucks being single especially when everyone else around you is in a relationship and happy but anyway I hope this helped a little to so that you realize you are not alone and are probably gorgeous so don't think you are the problem! :)

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty much like you! except... in about 2 weeks I turn 25...and I've been single for the past 4 years!..I know lame! , and to make things worst, I've never slept with a guy before!(3 x lame)... my last Boyfriend was when I was 21, and he just wanted sex, so this "relationship" lasted about a month! lol Guys don't seem to acknowledge me! and the ones that do, I don't like them... all, and when I say all...I mean ALL my friends are either getting married, engaged, having babies or getting new boyfriends!. I honestly don't know what's going on and I'm getting kinda "desperate" to date someone!..but just like you..I'm a bit picky. therefore I'm not gonna throw myself to the first guy that asks me out...if that EVER happens!

I remember I used to say that I didn't care about having a BF, well now I do!. haha...and no I'm not fat or ugly or weird..lol, I've been told I'm cute, beautiful, body wise, I'm not chubby nor super skinny(i'm a size 4) I like to dress well, casual yet elegant. I do my make-up as well. and I go out pretty much every weekend thinking "just in case today is my lucky day" , but I always come back home depressed and angry at myself. My "friends" don't really invite me out much because I always end up being the third wheel. They go out on double/triple dates (dinner and movies) and I'm getting sick and tired of all this!

any suggestions? because I don't know WTF to do anymore! lol once you find out, please pass on the secret!

[cavmanier]

I would have to see pics to understand what's going on

[digital_haze]

Heya. Things will get better I promise. I know its a cliche and its said on here a million times but it really is true. You gotta go out and make yourself happy. Immerse yourself in something YOU love and something that will make YOU happy. You don't need another person to be happy. Its nice but totally not needed.

If you do this, it also makes you a lot more attractive. People like to be around people who are happy and having fun. Live life for you for awhile and somebody will see how amazing you are.

Hit me up with a PM. We can chit chat. Might help a little and curb the loneliness plus I'm a total riot so we'll get you smiling again =)

[Prof_Don]

"I'm a total riot"

lmao (in a good way). I had to thumb up#2 you for that one.

[lufthanza]

thats some excellent advise@allthatglitters.

idk what to say because I have never went through that but (theres always a but :D) I think the first thing you should do is workin on makin your self happy first, SELF HAPPINESS IN MY OPINION IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT. and then work on the guy thing. I don't know how your gonna do that but I think you should start by bein your self and be HAPPY. get involve in thingz you love to do and ul see someone would pop up out of nowhere. jusst don't concentrate on it too much, that's how I feel about it :)

lol and here I was thinking I won't have anything to say :D

[Swampwater]

can't always wait for guys to make the first move. maybe something about your personality makes them hesitate. could be that you attract the shy guys or because you don't dress like a slut and attract the d-bags who would approach you easily. either way it boils down to this: don't be afraid to initiate.

[micricjac]

hmmmmm maybe your trying ot hard?

just be yourself

maybe smile at guys you like as you walk past them in the street

could always have a pet - you can talk to them about anything and there not going to so anything offfensive back

[LoveAriel21]

It's okay...everyone goes through a phase sometimes. I would recommend maybe a dating site? Or get involved in more community things to meet a really nice guy :)

[Gamerwarrior1990]

just hang in there you find somebody I'm 21 and I'm still single I mean it takes time to find somebody its taking me longer to find somebody than I thought and if I met you in person I would treat you with respect and honesty and so I think your putting yourself down way too hard give yourself some slack try and stay postive and you just be find and try and do things for fun you normally do and if not find some friends to hangout with that you know

[violets2014]

Someone once told me the key to falling in love is to not look for it.

[cavmanier]

Thats like trying to get money without working

[serendipitous]

@ cavmanier, I'm not sure your comparison really works. An occupation guarantees an income, whereas searching for love does not guarantee that you'll find it. While there are a plethora of things that a man or woman can do to increase the odds that he or she will find love, nothing really guarantees that it will happen. If you're trying to earn money, getting a job ensures an income, but there's no analogous action that can guarantee that you'll find love!

[dakraziest]

just post a question here for who like to date yu

n m sure within hours you would be confused as to who to pick frm a list of 10 plus dudes

[Anonymous]

A good proverb goes: "Beggars can't be Choosers", and I think it applies to this situation.

[moviedude714]

at least you've had a boyfriend, better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

[danny1320]

be confident,u will find the right one.

so where do you live?

[ColtsFanForever]

it will happen for you all you have to do is be patient and wait one will come to you

[cmanceras]

just be yourself.. shoot guys like me are constantly searching too.. and it sounds like by your description you will be an interesting person to date and get to know... just have more confidence..

[cloudzhang]

having a long travel. you can go abroad .or change a job . try to do something that you havenot done before~haha ,i am a chinese boy you can go china to travel

[BeerME]

Have you tried making the first move?

[themarsman]

whats your numba? ill be your boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Lower your standards.